Children are not vessels to be filled, they are candles to be lit.
Today we’ll dive into some curious little things that I’ve discovered through my long work with spiritual astrology, ancient mysteries and mysticism. I’ve written previously on spirit babies and how souls come into reincarnation choosing their parents, and you can learn more about that in my article Spirit Babies and Conscious Conception. And now let’s continue our talk diving into the astrology and the dharmic links between parents and their children. How can we guide our children to fulfill their life’s purpose, and how do they help us deepen along our own spiritual paths also?
I’ve seen this to be true over and over again through analyzing countless natal charts and synatry between parents and children: there are almost always without exception powerful links of both dharma and karma. The first borns are almost always sharing some of the major aspects of their parents, or at least one of the parents, even the rare ones. For example, having a stellium in a chart is a rare occurence, and children born with stelliums usually have one of their parents having a stellium in their natal charts also.
For other people, depending on what their soul needed to learn most, their child will be born during a transit that will reflect this. For example, if a woman really wants to live a more independent life of creative self-expression and authenticity, perhaps her child will be born during an important Uranus transit. For another woman, who is really intuitive and emotional, perhaps her child will be born with strong water placements and they’ll both bond and unite in these waters for their mutual soul evolution.
We see our children through our natal 5th house – however – their conception is seen through our natal 8th. Our natal 8th house is our place of deep intimacy – where boundaries dissolve so that we merge with our beloved and swim in the deep waters where we can be transformed as well. It is a very sensitive house which rules our deep psychology and inner transformations, and it is one of the three moksha houses i.e. houses of spiritual liberation. In this house we feel very vulnerable and there is a need to feel emotionally connected to our partner through intimacy – to feel like we are one. It is also a house of trust. But in this house we also store and hide all that we don’t want to be seen yet all that affects us very deeply and leaves us feeling vulnerable. In this way, it also stores psychological things or traumas, and there is a need for purification through an almost alchemical way.
For our own children, our natal 8th house sits four aspects away – and this forth aspect is an aspect of their heart’s ability to love and nurture. Our heart has two chambers – one receive blood, and the other pumps out blood. The inner way of the heart is seen through our natal 4th house – which the house of our heart, soul, home within, church within, deepest emotional self, lineage of the soul, moksha, and as it receives blood through the first heart chamber, this is the house showing our ability to love and our ability to nurture. When we are able to be open and trusting, our children are able to love more deeply also as we give to them our love and they receive it through the heart chamber.
And the 5th house is the second chamber of the heart, pumpin out blood, or expression the heart energy outward through our freedom of expression, joy, playfulness and creativity – which is why our children are seen through our 5th house.
And so – our children’s ability to love and to nurture in life traces back to our ability to be vulnerable and intimate with our own partner and with our own selves, which shapes the way we’ll raise them, in addition to how we handle our own inner transformations and the deeper dynamics within our relationships. And our children’s ability to express that love through creativity and joy, or their ability to pump out the energy of the heart, is seen through our natal 9th house, which is our dharma house. The 9th house relates also to higher spirituality, distant travel and cultures, higher knowledge and philosophy, faith and spiritual wisdom; and in ancient astrology it was called the house of God.
Art by Sonja Danowski
I want you to imagine an ocean. The consciousness of a specific family lineage is like a current within this ocean. If the ocean is the totality of all and everything, of the united God consciousness, when you come into this life, your soul flows through a particular current that is aligned to your own soul resonance and vibration. And you, my dear one, are essentially the evolution of your family lineage along the current. In other words: children are the evolution of their parents’ consciousness.
A woman’s womb can only carry a soul of similar resonance – this is what attracts us to one another. This is why it is important for a woman to be mindful of who her intimate partners are because our own energy as women is receptive and so much imprints on us energetically and is absorbed. It is also important to lead a healthy life, not only physically, but also emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
Your child born will carry part of your consciousness and you will imprint on its soul your own wisdom, talents and intuitive gifts; and even while it is still in your womb, it is imprinting on the music you listen to, your words and your feelings.
Both the father and mother will also imprint their own unfulfilled desires on their child, and those of the lineage, as well as the karmas and dharmas.
The soul attracted to you to come into your life as your child is one that is perfectly autonomous, has its own unique print, and its own soul’s purpose – so don’t confuse it as your own – but it is attracted to you and chosen you, because it knows that you will help it fulfill its mission based on your own soul’s purpose and path of life. However, it will also help the entire family lineage karma to be cleared.
Many people today of higher spiritual beliefs or in Indigenous tribes celebrate when a sensitive child or an empath is born because they understand it is a blessed gift. Through its empathic nature it helps heal the entire lineage because its sensitivity serves as almost cleansing and transforming the vibration of everyone. And so they would celebrate such children and take good care of them to develop their sensitivity and empathy and creativity, rather than suppress it – because obviously such gifts carry burdens too as the child will feel pain much deeper than most other people. Think of Jesus Christ and how sensitive he was, how empathic and compassionate, yet became the greatest teacher of love and the human heart, and a master healer, precisely because of his deep heart and soul connection and ability to feel.
Art by Sonja Danowski
Expansion is created by desire; and desire is both conscious and unconscious. Every desire that you have ever felt in your life, whether aware of it or not, has been added like a wave along the ocean’s current of your family lineage consciousness. That heart-centered desire calls you towards itself each day, and when you align to it vibrationally it manifests physically in your life also. And when you don’t align to it, it stays unfulfilled, and anything unactualized by the parents usually comes then from the children.
As your own parents lived their lives, as your own grandparents and great-grandparents lived theirs also, they gave rise to many desires. Perhaps your father or grandfather always wanted to be an artist, and had the talent for it also, but didn’t go that path because responsibilities took over or because he felt he should live a more practical life. Perhaps there were generational alcohol problems also. And there you are: fought against what you thought you should do, became an artist, living a life of freedom and creative expression, and have rebelled against any alcohol tendencies in your family consciousness. Through you doing all of this, you are not only fulfilling your own soul’s purpose, because otherwise you would not have been attracted to that consciousness line to be born into – but you are also healing the family karmas and fulfilling their unfulfilled desires for them also – through which, they feel greater peace in their soul.
A basic desire we all have is to become whole and reintegrate all parts of ourselves. So let’s say a woman is born into a family that is not okay with anger – they suppress emotions and are rather more controlling. She has an angry self suppressed within her that forms through the years. Her subconscious desire is to have this part of her accepted rather than be shamed, and be loved for all that she is. Perhaps because she wasn’t allowed to express anger as a child, she grew up to have many boundaries crossed and felt like a doormat – so her desire then becomes to have more freedom and more boundaries and be more independent. And if she is unable to do that herself, these desires will come embodied through her child.
Art by Sonja Danowski
So a child will be born, with a very free spirit and strong independent self. And if the woman is still unconscious of her own inner self and desires – she will of course be quite triggered when the child begins exercising its own freedom and setting boundaries. And the child will get really angry when it isn’t being respected for that, and will likely develop issues around anger. These will be seen from the natal chart as aspects describe the emotional, thought and behavioural patterns that have formed in childhood. This is why astrology is so valuable as a self-awareness tool.
If both the woman and her husband hadn’t dealt with their own issues prior to the birth of the child, the child will actually have these anger aspects in its chart – which is why the first born shares common aspects with its parents, and is a reflection of their deepest desires both conscious and unconscious, and is often considered to be their biggest blessing and challenge as well. Interestingly, the next borns usually share more common links with the siblings or grandparents – as the first born has already cleared the way with the parents’ consciousness.
If parents realize that children are offering us opportunity to deal with our own inner parts that we haven’t dealt with, relationships will be settled into peace and all can grow more spiritually and emotionally. In the example above, if the woman understands this and reflects on this dealing with her own anger, her life will improve, her child’s life will improve, and she will also actualize her own desires in this life.
Essentially, the parent-child relationship is an opportunity for a deepening; it is meant to be a partnership of expansion and awakening.
Art by Sonja Danowski
Another example: let’s say as a child you didn’t get much attention from your parents because they were working too much or they didn’t know how to express themselves emotionally. You needed them to be more present with you, but they just weren’t for whatever reason, and perhaps you suppressed them by becoming a “doer”.
Your child is then perhaps born really cuddly and affectionate, needing and wanting all of your affection and wanting to spend time with you. They are born with a gift to be fully present with you and the emotional capacity and sensitivity to engage with people on a deeper level. Friction will arise every time when they want attention but you tell them you are busy because you are still functioning of your doer or workaholic mentality.
If you can sit still and look back, and realize that this is actually your greatest blessing and gift now – to be able to fulfill your desire – because this is your opportunity to finally have what you have always wanted and longed for in your heart and soul. By doing this, you will also enable your own child’s consciousness to expand as it needs to rather than be limited because of you.
Your conflicts with your children are always an opportunity to recognize and gain awareness into an area of your own inner life. And when you deal with it, the conflicts will likely move away more easily.
Children come into our life with their own unique mission and soul’s purpose. But when we are burdened by our own stuff, we will not be able to provide them the space in which their own true essence will shine. We need to clear our own views – so that we can see them and hear them more clearly; and realize what decisions we are making for their own wellbeing rather than out of our own unfulfilled desires and self-centered reasons. Often times in relationships, we give what we want to receive rather than what the other person actually needs. Take each interaction with your child as an opportunity to reflect on your own thoughts, beliefs, assumptions, motivations, self limitations and values.
Now let’s continue with the astrology.
In astrology we may often see the storage of karma of a particular matter from the fourth position of itself. So for example, the storage of our karma, i.e. self and ascendant, is our 4th house – which is our home, early childhood, emotional self, subconscious self, our mother, our sense of nurturing, and our home land. The 4th house is also a moksha house like the 8th but it is an angular house showing the its ultimate importance. In fact, it is our key to happiness. We cannot feel happy if we haven’t settled into peace all that is in our heart. Being an angular house shows its importance of stability in our life to feel happy – because the 4th house is about deep emotional stability, from which we can then build the four walls of our house throughout life.
The 4th house is the home of our heart, it is where God resides because God resides in our heart; and with the 4th house’s chamber of receiving blood, or life energy, it is our very beginning of life. The 4th house is the deepest part of ourselves that we keep hidden from everyone, yet we find comfort in and always go back to, and since it is ruled by the moon, it relates to the lineage of the soul and the gifts we bring into this life from past lives. Remember that karma is the positive things also, and all the blessings, gifts, talents and spiritual treasures we’ve earned from the past. The 4th house also refers to our home and family, so the way our parents deal with their stuff affects our karma and life path.
When the parents haven’t dealt with some of their aspects, these transfer onto the child. For example, if the parents had harder aspects regarding their self-confidence in their natal chart, if they don’t deal with it or shine some awareness onto this, the child may be born with an aspect reflecting that also. Psychologically we know this is true because we often project our things onto others if we are not aware of it – which is why our self-awareness is the greatest gift we can give not only to ourselves but to others also – especially our children. Once the parents deal with their aspects and bring their awareness on that, the next borns usually do not have these.
And where is the karma of our own parents and grandparents stored? It is embodied through our children (i.e. 4th placement from the 2nd house is the 5th house of children). What this means is that if we want to help our parents’ energy we should treat our grandparents well, and it is also why children carry many imprints and karmic lineages from their grandparents.
Art by Sonja Danowski
We also give forth our talents and creative skills to our children. And their talents, gifts and creative expression is reflected through our marriage and relationships – because the 3rd placement from the 5th house is the 7th house of marriage, intimate relationships and our own ability to form closer bonds in life. What does that mean?
The way we deal with intimate bonds and the spouse and relationships, will show the skills and talents, potentials or obstacles, of our children.
In other words: If I don’t know how to appreciate others, how would I know how to appreciate my own child’s talents and creativity and encourage him or her? In my inability to deal with intimate bonds, I would also in a way constraint my child’s self expression.
And where are the hopes and wishes of our children found (i.e. 11th placement from the 5th house)? It is in our 3rd house of self-expression, natural gifts, talents, creative skills, and soul’s courage.
In other words: If I learn to express myself, to develop my natural skills, gifts and talents, to put effort in my work and be courageous in following my passions, I would actually be helping my own child fulfill its hopes and wishes in this life.
In a way, one of the deepest hopes and wishes of our children is that we ourselves as their parents live a life of heart’s fulfillment and creative self-expression.
This means – develop yourself because your child would need you to fulfill its own dharma. Self-awareness is the greatest gift you can gift your child.
I sometimes have clients who are so worried about whether if they get a divorce they’ll hurt their child, or constantly living in guilt and blame for their actions. And I say to them, and I say to you now – your child, before being born through you, knew you exactly as you are on a soul level, knew your’s soul path and all the choices you will make in your life if you follow your heart. And they chose you precisely because of this, because they aligned to your energy and vibration.
As long as you are following your own heart and stay aligned to what’s true for you – your child is aligned to its own purpose also and on its path. The only thing you must ever do is just stay true to yourself and your soul’s truth.
Art by Sonja Danowski
When two souls fall in love, kiss and merge, a third soul is born: the soul of their relationship. Of love, a child is born also. A child that has chosen you because through your living in your truth and in your heart, it knows that it will fulfill its own soul’s purpose. There is nothing to doubt and fear, only love, love, love. That’s all your child ever wanted you to do anyway. As long as you are happy, your children will be happy. If you are in a bond that is no longer able to be worked through, perhaps a separation is your path forward if this is what will make you happier.
The dharma of your child, which is seen through the 9th placement from the 5th house, is your very own house of self – it is your ascendant and path of life. Self-knowledge and working on your self is what will assure and support your child as it walks through its own very unique path of life also. Because when we ourselves feel more at peace within and staying true to ourselves and take care of our overall health and wellbeing, our child is able to more freely follow its own heart and soul also.
Art by Sonja Danowski
Our children do not belong to us, but they belong with us.
They are gentle precious souls born, born initially vulnerable in their tiny bodies but they are not things to be possessed nor owned nor vessels to be filled.
They are candles to be lit with our love and support.
We guide them and allow them the space to grow as they need to. They are their own little seeds, little flowers and fruits that they’ll grow into, and all they need from us is our love, our attention, our listening and the nurturing of our loving hands.
They are our greatest blessing, because through them we learn more than perhaps we ever could have otherwise.
Essentially, parent-child relationships are an opportunity for a deepening; they are meant to be a partnership towards expansion and awakening through the beautiful reflections that they offer us.
Allow yourself to grow and learn through them because in many ways they are your mini little spiritual guides, almost angelic beings, coming with human hands to hold you and to love you, reminding you of the blessing that you are. And through the love that you feel for them – because there’s no greater love than that of a mother towards her child – it is inevitable that we love more deeply all and return to our heart. It is love and only love that is the greatest purpose of it all.
The cover artwork is by Margarete Petersen portraying the 2 of pentacles as per tarot philosophy. The 2 of pentacles is a card symbolizing change – and it is beautifully portrayed by her because it shows the physical change that the souls of our feet makes each day with each of our steps. So walk mindfully, love consciously, speak love with all the awareness that the wisdom of your heart blesses you with.
Because love, learning to love and to being loved, is the greatest purpose of our soul.
Then. Now. Always.
For more of my writings, browse through my Art of Love.
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