“Your children are not your children; they are life longing for itself.”
Khalil Gibran
Loving our children is one of the most beautiful and powerful experiences in the world. And it goes without saying that a parent loves their child, yet it isn’t just about loving, it is also about knowing them – knowing them as they are in their unique selves, and giving them the free space in which they can be and develop their true selves.
On a deep level, we all as human beings want to feel a sense of belonging, connection and acceptance for who we truly are; and this means that we need to have the freedom, space and support to be our true authentic selves. That feeling of belonging requires self-knowledge and self-acceptance, and it is nurtured when we’re taught how to live honoring our nature.
Naturally, we bring our own biases to the way that we parent through our value systems and the way that we ourselves were raised. And the less we are self aware, and the less we know ourselves, the more likely we’ll project our own values and expectations onto our children, especially during their most impressionable and vulnerable conditioning phases of their young life.
We are all different and unique, and have our own unique ways and paths in life. Human design allows us into some guidance and insight of our inner nature and flow of life, which can be helpful for parenting – as we learn our children’s unique ways, so that we can nurture them in the right space for them according to their nature and energy.
Giving children the freedom to be their own authority may seem scary at first, but this allows parents to guide their child to become themselves rather than feel constant pressure from conditioning. In this sense, human design may help in showing you what your child is here for, what pathways of life may be more aligned for them, and help you too understand the unique expression of their energy and creativity.
For example, you might think your child is being lazy or rebellious sometimes, but perhaps they are a manifestor, and they just don’t have the energy to finish off what they started, they need rest to let go of what they absorbed during the day, and they need a lot of freedom because they are more inclined to fall into some power struggles when they feel controlled. So instead of thinking that something is wrong, or that you’ve done something wrong, you can embrace your child’s unique gifts and talents, and the natural flow of their energy, and guide them towards being more confident, listening to their body, and understanding their true self. This will also help them towards self-knowledge and in their adulthood they will be able to make decisions and choices aligned to them and their true needs and desires; and they will also be more able to trust themselves and their unique flow of life.
So today, let’s go through the five types in human design, and the insights each gives you as you help and guide your child towards being their true self.
Generator children have consistent flow to life force energy and are connected to their sacral. Essentially what this means is that all generators, whether children or adults, are here to do what they truly love. Generators are incredibly creative, and through their energy and creativity, when they do what they love and enjoy, they bring more energy to all those around them. What they need to learn is to honour their passions, follow their joy, and as a parent you need to teach them to listen to their sacral/gut feelings, ask them yes/no questions, and then respect their responses. They need to learn to say no when things don’t feel right for them, rather than feel guilty about that. Often times they will make sounds (hmmm, ughh) as their response because this is how the sacral response works – it is very body focused – and you shouldn’t pressure them to reply always with words nor rationalize “why” or give your reasons and logic; so you yourself need to learn about and understand sound, and know how the sacral energy works.
The most important thing for generators is to learn to trust themselves, listen to their body, and do what they love no matter what others tell them. The worst thing for an adult generator is to be stuck at a job they hate, or doing something because of others or society or conditioning, because this drains them and affects their health and wellbeing. Generators are incredibly creative and need to explore their various gifts and talents, allowing their energy to flow naturally; otherwise, they feel frustrated, stagnant and unhappy.
The sacral is all about life force energy and is very body focused, and what works best is to ask them clear yes or no questions – because they need to learn what they love, what they don’t, and understand how their body communicates with them its answers.
Having a sacral authority means that your inner source of truth is deeply rooted in your body, in its energetic gut response to life. That gut response is either a yes or no response. Sacral authority is one of the clearest authorities in its ability to bypass the mind and get to your truth without too much questioning once you’ve connected to it. This is not necessarily instinct or intuition; the response is a rising or movement of energy toward or away from what you encounter in your life outside of you, and it is your body’s way of affirming or denying whether something is right for you to engage in or not.
The way our sacral guides us is usually through sounds or sensations. The sounds can be either “ah-hunh” for yes, “un-un” for no, and “hmmm” for “I don’t know”. The sensations can be of either expansion/openness/relaxation or contraction in parts of your body. This is your body’s way of guidance though for each one of us, so it may be unique in its language. For sacral authorities, the only question that should matter is: “Does this excite me?” And depending on what arises as response, it should then be trusted and followed.
For children with sacral authorities, it is important to guide them to listen to their body from a young age. Often times as children we are asked to justify our decisions, give reasons, rather than merely be honoured in what we have to say or how we feel. This ultimately makes us question and doubt our sacral responses and the unique language of our body, and we begin to disassociate from it. This in turn affects our overall wellbeing. We also grow up having less trust in ourselves and in our own body’s messages because we are conditioned to always needing to justify them or reason them.
So it is important to approach children of this energy type with yes or no questions, and encourage them to do embodiment exercises, such as dancing, so that they can feel more comfortable in their body’s movement and guidance. Also, try to encourage them to feel their feelings and ask them where in the body they feel yes and no. How does it feel when you like something? How does it feel when you don’t want to do something? Does your tummy tighten? How does your chest contract? Show them that you trust their decision making, and encourage them to have trust in themselves and to trust how they feel deep within.
With our sacral as our authority energy center, we can unfortunately often times fall into the people pleasing dynamic, so it is important to guide them in learning their own needs, and listening to their own needs, knowing they matter and help guide them in how to set boundaries. If they don’t want to do something, don’t pressure them. And don’t pressure them to say everything with words, because remember that the sacral first and foremost is a body response. So if you hear them making sounds like ughhhh, hmmmm, respect that and accept that.
Some examples of good ways to phrase questions are, “Would you like to brush your teeth?” “Would you like to have an apple?” rather than, “What do you want to do?” or “What do you want to eat?” Giving them yes or no questions like this empowers them to make choices that excite them and make them happy. The answer they need is already inside them, but as children, they will need help practicing this.
Generators are made to be lit up and excited by the things they are doing. They need to learn to wait to respond, otherwise they feel frustrated and inner tension builds up. What this means is that they need to first feel the body response, and then respond accordingly. They may often have a stair-step learning curve. They find something they love, start doing it but then may hit a plateau and feel stuck or frustrated. You can use yes or no questions such as “Do you want to keep going?” or “Do you want to quit baseball?” to find your child’s true answer despite any frustration they may be experiencing. Once they’ve given you their answer, help them learn to stay true to their sacral response by either pushing onward with the activity or quitting it depending on their answer. The interesting thing about the frustrating plateau is that mastery is often just on the other side of it.
Give them a lot of attention and loving affection, sharing in the things they love to do, and all that makes them feel excited, loved and fulfilled! This helps them feel more confident and build true self esteem, as they will now feel recognized and loved and accepted for who they are and what they love to do. Otherwise, if they do not feel recognized for their unique talents, gifts and passions, they might unconsciously begin rebelling or acting out towards those who didn’t hear nor see them nor accept their voice and needs, nor respected their stand or opinions.
Generators usually love the beach and the sea, and you might find that they can spend all day at the beach, which recharges them and brings them even more energy. As they are sacral beings, they are all about creativity in this life – they need to do only what they love and are passionate about; and they connect very beautifully to sunlight and warm weather because their sacral energy, so this is in great alignment to their natural flow and helps their overall health and wellbeing in life.
Manifesting generator children are similar to generators as they both have a sacral response, so refer to the above. However, while a pure generator is best to focus on one at a time, manifesting generators may often skip steps and work on more than one thing at a time.
As with the generators, you need to approach them with the yes or no questions, but you may not need to give them as much focused attention as with the generators – because they may have more independence, similar to the manifesting children. However, similar to the pure generators, manifesting generators may begin to act out or even seek revenge unconsciously on all those who didn’t hear them, honour their needs, nor respected their voice and choices – and this may manifest as frustration and/or anger.
Like pure generators, manifesting generators also have plenty of energy and need to spend it during the day; but rather than focusing on one sport to play, you might find that they prefer a few they want to participate in or try out. And they switch quite a few athletic activities throughout their childhood, but that’s good, because they need to explore whatever they want and are interested in, and doing a few things simultaneously is good for them. If you ask them if they’d like to try a new activity and their sacral says yes, then encourage them to do so, it’s a great idea to try it out.
While pure generators experience frustration as their main emotional theme, when they are not aligned to their true selves, manifesting generators experience both frustration and anger. They can become very angry when things are not working out, and can even walk out on teachers in the classroom because they just wanted to get something from their backpack but the teacher didn’t let them. The frustration comes most when the people around them are not going as fast as them or trying to slow them down. Teaching your child how to inform and making sure their sacral says yes before acting will relieve a lot of their frustration.
Manifestor
Manifestor children are here to initiate things, rather than wait to respond like the generators. They don’t have as much energy as the generators, so their energy comes in short bursts but then settles down and they may not be able to finish off what they started. Our society often does not have the patience for people who don’t see things through from start to finish, which can lead to manifestor children to condition themselves to work harder than what their energy is meant for, and this may affect their wellbeing.
Manifestors can have a bit of a hard time being disciplined, and many parents may describe them as “difficult”, because manifestors don’t really like anyone telling them what to do – and this is because on an inner level, they know that they “just do it” without the help of anyone or without asking anyone for permission. Teaching them manners, and to ask politely for permission is really important. This means that you too need to treat them politely, because children learn through observing the behaviour of adults – and when you treat them politely, they too will learn to treat others politely.
Sleeping and getting rest is really important, and also teaching them that it’s okay if they don’t have the energy to finish off something. They may begin to feel a lack of confidence because they can’t follow through, so let them know that it doesn’t affect their self worth, they need to listen to their body.
Manifestor children sleep best when they are in their own aura away from the energy of others. It’s best for them to lay down for a while before they are tired to discharge any energy they absorbed during the day that isn’t theirs. Lying in bed reading a book or listening to music is a great way to unwind. Manifestor children may need more sleep than others, so going to bed early and sleeping in are not unusual, and it should actually be encouraged. If they wait too long to go to bed, they may have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep through the night; so help them learn how to recognize the right time to head to bed before they are exhausted to settle in for the night.
Manifestors may have strong tendencies towards power struggles. Parents have an intuitive understanding that they have to control manifestors because they know the kid will do whatever they want to do and they will not know when enough is enough. Since they are not here to get permission from others to do anything, they may push your boundaries intentionally to see how far they can take their power. They are designed to be incredibly capable people who can easily get the ball rolling – because they are here to be initiators. As children, they may often think they don’t need anyone and will do as they please without really listening to what others are telling them. As difficult as it may be, rather than reacting in anger or trying to control them through more discipline, try to have a conversation with them about the situation. Punishment, angry reactions and extreme forms of control or discipline will only break the child and harm your relationship to them. A balance between giving them freedom while stepping in to make sure they are safe is really important.
Their emotional theme is anger, and so it is important to teach them how to handle anger in healthy ways and how to express it in healthy ways. Anger management strategies such as taking some time alone, breathing exercises or channeling their anger into sports or other movement practices will be of great benefit to them.
The strategy for manifestor is to inform the people who will be impacted by their actions. For example, they might often say, “I am going outside!”. And they learn quickly not to tell people what they are up to because of how people react to them. You need to draw the line if they will be doing something potentially dangerous, and yet you also to give them the freedom they need without controlling them – because you don’t want to push them away from you, as they will then not approach you in times of need. The more people try to stop them or limit them, the more they will learn that they must keep their actions a secret.
Of course when you hear what they are up to, your reaction may often be to stop them, and that’s natural – but try to choose your battles wisely and only stop them if they will be doing something dangerous like running on the street. Take a deep breath, balance out your own emotions, master your poker face and help them evaluate their actions before they take them. Informing goes both ways – so instead of imposing your will onto them, just try to inform them on what the impact might be of their actions. Rather than yes and no questions, use informative statements.
Projectors are here to be a guide to others in their adulthood, but in order for them to do so in a healthy and meaningful way, they need to learn to wait to be invited rather than give their unasked opinions. Many projectors unfortunately grow up without knowing how to set boundaries, so they cross the boundaries of others, and they let others cross their own also. They can also be perceived as a bit too much or overwhelming within the energy or aura of others when they give their opinions or share their insights without being asked to – which will make others react negatively, and this in turn will make the projector feel guilty or inadequate, and begin to doubt themselves.
Projectors have a beautiful innate ability to guide and manage others because of their ability to see and understand systems from a hawk eye’s perspective. They are able to do this best when they’ve received an invitation from someone who will truly appreciate the gifts they have to offer. So what they need as children is to feel recognized and to have the space within which you ask them for their curious insights. Their greatest joy is receiving recognition for their insights and opinions.
Ask them questions such as, “What do you think about this?” or “What is your advice about this?” Ask them for their opinions from early age, even as early as they begin to speak. They need to learn how to wait to be asked, and you’ll be surprised at how insightful they are. Give them a place to be heard at the dinner table, as a projector child needs to feel heard, seen and loved for their insights. When they are not given the space to be heard, they may try to force their opinions or guidance onto those who have not asked and may become bitter when they are not well received.
Projectors are not made to do a lot of intense physical work, so don’t expect them to do the lawn and then be happy. They will not be; and even if they do it, this may then lead to anger or frustration. Remove your own expectations from them that they should do this, and know that they are not lazy – they can still help around the house. Let them know it’s okay to take short breaks if they are doing something more physically heavy, and that it’s okay to rest during the course of completing a task.
When a projector child acts before receiving an invitation they can a lot of bitterness within them. They need to learn that while their insights matter, and they have a lot of innate beautiful wisdom, they should not give their unasked opinions. Otherwise, people will react and act out, and this will then make the projector child or adult begin to doubt their own insights, and they might begin to struggle with inadequacy, fears that they are not good enough, and build bitterness and resentment towards others.
Other children at school might begin calling them bossy or controlling or noisy, even when the projector child was only trying to help. Teach them to value themselves enough to wait for the invitation rather than wasting their wisdom and energy on people who don’t value it. When they learn to spend their time doing what they love and honing in on their personal talents, other children will naturally be drawn to their aura and invite them to do things or help guide them by asking for advice or opinion.
As the parent, it’s best for you to facilitate activities for them, otherwise, they may end up pushing people away or not being heard or seen by others. You can also invite your child to do things in the household or share their insights with the other family members.
And if you are on a beach vacation, keep in mind that projectors don’t have a lot of energy, and they probably have quite a few open motor centers, which means that they absorb and amplify energy from others and the sun. This means that they will be very restless on the beach, and may need to run to the water to cool off constantly; and afterwards, they might need to stay in for the rest of the day and not want to go out, because they feel drained. While pure generators can literally stay on the beach all day long and it feels like heaven to them, for projectors the sun energy might feel more intensely.
Reflector
Reflectors are here to observe their surrounding, as their purpose of energy of to magnify and reflect what’s going on around them. They are kind of like mirrors for our societies, and because of this, they are sensitive to their environments and need to be in a place that makes them feel good, with people and surroundings they enjoy being around consistently.
Reflectors have no defined centers, so they absorb and amplify energy from others. Because of this, they need to know who they are because if they don’t, they will feel very off balance. You need to teach them how to process the way their environment makes them feel. Teach them to know that if they feel unhappy somewhere, it is okay to leave – whether restaurant, playground, group of friends, or even school or city. A reflector child may become sick, withdrawn or have other issues when they are in the wrong environment for them, so stay mindful and observant because if their school is not good for them, and they are consistently unhappy, you may need to consider changing it. Your child may learn early on to ignore their sensitivities and emotional wisdom if this most important aspect of their lives, i.e. the correct environment, is not considered by their caregivers.
Along with their environment, receiving recognition is also very important. They may seem clingy at times but they need a lot of emotional support and attention, more so than any other type. And when they seem overly clingy, it is usually because they crave more stability from their parents, especially when they are younger. Helping them to recognize their gifts and strengths will allow them to see that they are in fact strong and capable standing on their own, and will help their confidence. They need your consistency and stability to feel stable, and they need a lot of physical affection such as hugs also. Loving them teaches them to love themselves.
Because their energy is so open, and their centers are undefined, they need to understand emotional balance, and to discern what’s theirs and what isn’t, as they will be absorbing a lot and not knowing what their own emotions are. Teaching them emotional intelligence as early as possible is crucial, but that means that you yourself need to know this. They need to spend time alone, and invest in their self development and self knowledge, as otherwise things can get really unbalanced in adulthood.
It is said that reflectors need about 28 days for a full lunar cycle to complete in order for them to make a major decision. As children, they don’t need to know all the details of a lunar transit of course, but teaching them to slow down and see how they feel throughout a cycle will help them avoid a lot of disappointment in their lives. If you are a manifesting generator who loves doing a lot of things fast and have a lot of energy, you need to be more mindful not to project that onto the reflector child, because they might feel pressured on conditioned to do as you do – and that’s just not the right way for them. They need to take things slower. The nature of how they experience themselves will change over the course of the lunar cycle, and over the course of many cycles of experimenting with this, they will learn their own patterning.
Pressuring them to make decisions quickly with statements such as “hurry up!” and “just choosing something already!” may really burden them, and it’s just not their right way in life. Slow down and show them it is okay to slow down as well. Children learn through behaviours, so you need to modify your behaviour around them – and show them it is okay to take some time before decision making.
For example, don’t hurry up to go to the supermarket, let them know that right now you will just take some time to do some chores or take a bath, and you’ll go to the supermarket together after. This will relax them internally, and show them they shouldn’t always be in hurry, and it will also give them time to catch up with you also. When they have consistent support, you will find they become very adaptable, happier, calmer and will be able to move more smoothly from one step to the next. Make sure that they are getting enough sleep also, and many reflector children need regular naps so that they avoid meltdowns and tantrums.
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Cover photograph by my brother.
