The Essentials of Compatibility

When two souls meet and fall in love, a third soul is born: the soul of the relationship. Synastry shows the lands, the soil, upon which the two people walk – and there are many temperatures, landscapes, climates and seasons along these paths; and along the way, both individuals dance and speak, hopefully in love, hand in hand, in a language they both understand.

The aspects in synastry show us the kinds of conversations and situations they may come across on their shared paths and how their energy blends and becomes new dynamic that affects them – and yes, many times you may have mountains to climb, deserts and rough landscapes that will test your patience, courage and perseverance, but if both of you are enough emotionally aware, with compassion and grace, all will be well. However – your eyes must be looking towards the same direction, otherwise, eventually, you will unhold each other’s hands.

Something that some Western astrologers may not always pay close attention to in synastry are the essentials of compatibility, which go beyond the inner planetary aspects. And while matching personalities, emotional landscapes, sexual compatibility and communication styles must be aligned, and they are truly important, there is a deeper layer to compatibility that goes beyond the inner planets, aspects and degrees. For example, Saturn is quite important in synastry, and while many people may fear its aspects, without Saturn there is no longevity. Saturn shows a certain level of responsibility to put in the work and effort into the relationship, and also, responsibility towards each other’s hearts. So while it may feel burdensome at times, depending on the aspect, the unique synastry chart and possible karmic undertones, it is the glue that holds the two people together.

The essentials of compatibility revolve mainly around Jupiter, the 9th house, and also, the Moon, and for any relationship to work, we need familiarity and emotional comfort, alignment to values and sharing a similar vision.

Jupiter and our 9th house show our vision for our life, where we might be headed, our higher values and what we align to, our hopes and dreams, what gives our life meaning and purpose. Our 9th house is all about our higher purpose, vision, beliefs, values, spirituality, enlightenment, faith and our unique path of life; it is about our dharma, and it is about the church of our heart.

This is something that Eastern astrology, such as the Vedic system of astrology, seem to understand a bit more as they use the 9th divisional chart, called the Navamsa in Vedic astrology, to look more deeply into the purpose of marriage and the right relationship for a person. The 9th divisional chart, which basically dissects the natal 9th house, shows how our marriage aligns to and helps us towards the fulfillment of our dharma. Some people might wonder, “why do we look for marriage insights through dissecting the Jupiter ruled 9th house rather than the 7th house which rules marriage itself?” Well, it’s because marriage is a devotional path which is meant to bring us closer to God – and it is a karmic fulfillment as well; it is a sacrament.

Even if you are eternally single, you will still be fulfilling this karma through close one-on-one relationships, or through your work, or through business partnerships, as these are all 7th house matters. And if you are a monk, or a nun, your marriage then becomes your marriage to the church or monastery; and you will still have to deal with your fellow brothers and sisters, with taking care of the chores in the monastery each day, and with your relationship to God through prayer, meditation and self reflection. It’s a different pathway, or manifestation of this energy, but it is still a devotional pathway leading you towards the same essence – which is to bring you closer to your true self and heart, and this is the higher purpose of all relationships in our life. It is the seeking of the high truth that Jupiter pulls us towards, only to eventually find it within our selves.

A marriage is seen as an ashram, a temple, a church, a cathedral – it is the church that we build in the heavens of our hearts. It is our devotion to another human being with whom we have chosen to share our life and path with. A marriage is a merging of two dharmic paths – of two souls who merge to trust and believe in each other and bring their merged path forward. It is learning and growing together. It is supporting each other. It is a temple, a space of heart and of soul growth through our experience with another person.

In a woman’s chart, Jupiter shows her vision for her mate, her children, her vision for abundance, what gives her meaning, and what will increase her hope in this world. Jupiter is seen as the spouse for a woman in Eastern astrology – because she needs someone she can look up to, and trust with her life – because a woman needs to trust her partner with her life. No matter how independent and self sufficient she is, she needs to be able to look up to her spouse otherwise she will lose respect for him. Jupiter is like a guiding light, a lantern of wisdom, and she looks towards him not because she cannot guide her own self, but because she needs to be able to see her spouse as someone who can support her just as much as well.

In a man’s chart, the Moon shows his vision for his partner, his wife, his needs to be nurtured, and it also rules his inner world, his mother, his familiarity, his emotional comfort, his safety and security, his sense of belonging and home.

A woman looks for her Jupiter, while a man looks for his Moon. Regardless of sexuality preferences or genders, energy is energy and natal charts don’t change; so if you were born a man, even if you are a homosexual, you will still be looking for the Moon in your partner, no matter what gender they are.

The Moon is of course really important for both men and women. For a woman, this is her lineage of soul, her church of heart, her inner emotional and spiritual landscapes, her love, family and her mother, and her ability to love, connect and nurture; and it often shows a woman’s physical body and wellness also.

The Moon is really important in synastry, and we often see who our right partner is, and who we’ll most likely marry, through our Moon chart – and which planet sits across our natal Moon. I have found in countless charts that this technique shows more accuracy, and emotional and spiritual fulfillment, in comparison to only analyzing through the descendant and 7th house. Relationships thrive when partners feel understood, seen, and emotionally comforted and supported by one another, so the Moon matters always.

If we truly understand the astrology from a deeper spiritual perspective, we will find that a woman doesn’t really need a domestic partnership to feel secure, whether emotionally or spiritually, but a man does. A woman looks to the future for her happiness; she looks for her hope and dreams to increase, and to continue the lineage of her soul and heart in some shape or form. This is the path of her Jupiter, this is what she looks towards – her purpose, her guiding star, her God. And while she looks towards the Jupiterean future, a man looks towards the past for his safety and to keep things familiar – he looks for the Moon, the emotional comfort, he looks for the place that gives him a sense of wholeness, home and nurture – he looks to connect to his heart, and he does this through her feminine energy and connection, which will then lead him towards his dharma.

Photo taken by me in Venice, Italy.

Compatibility is deeper than just feelings, passion and “getting along”. Through the 9th house and Navamsa we understand the importance of having similar values and vision – because love alone is not enough for a relationship to thrive in the long run. Along this land called the relationship, the two people need to walk hand in hand on their shared path, while still supporting one another’s true self, because when they are looking towards different directions or horizons, eventually they will unhold one another, or one of them will live a life not theirs, not aligned to their heart and soul’s path leading eventually to resentment and unhappiness.

Feelings change, passions change, and many emotional turbulences or issues can be worked through together through self awareness and willingness to put in the effort – but what doesn’t change is our hopes, our visions, our dreams towards something greater than us because it is a soul calling, our unique path. We can’t change our inner nature, our soul, our true essence; we can’t change our faith and what keeps us alive. We can’t change what gives us hope, and we should never be asked to change what gives our life meaning and purpose – and what we hold preciously and dearly within as our God. And if you have to give up your God to get the love you want – you have a problem. And it’s not going to last anyway as the relationship will eventually become your source of misery – because you cannot replace your God. No man, no woman, no lover, no relationship can replace what it is that you’re giving up in order to be with them.

And this God, regardless of what you call it or how you perceive it, is the higher path of life, aligned to the high heart; God is an inner experience, just as love is too, and is beyond human words, it is nameless. When we sacrifice our God, or our something that is so inner and so deep within us for another person, we cannot expect that it will be replaced by them. It will not, and cannot, be replaced. All relationships are purposeful in their own ways as they bring us closer to ourselves, because love peels our outer layers so that we unveil our heart and true essence. But when it comes to compatibility, the essentials, which are often seen beyond the specific aspects in synastry, are familiarity and emotional comfort, values and similar vision on our shared path.

You need to understand your deeper values and have similar, if not same, understandings of morality, or at least complimentary and agreed upon. You can have all the passion and love in the world, be head over heels, but if you don’t have compatible mutual vision of where you are going in this unique adventurous uncertain thing called life, what you want, what makes you happy, what is right for both of you, what give you hope for your future – you are not going to make it. Feelings are not enough, that’s the truth.

And it’s not about the aspects and degrees nor house overlays in synastry – this is about an overall understanding of who you both essentially are. This will not be found in specific aspects, though surely it will help to understand your 9th house, its nakshatra, your Jupiter and Moon, as well as your Navamsa and where you are going in this life on a soul level; but essentially this is about your true inner self and your unique path in life, and it requires a much deeper look, a much deeper understanding of how it all plays together and interconnects to all else.

For more of my writings, browse through my Art of Love.

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Cover art source: Photo 1954 Paramount Pictures, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons.