In my last article Pluto in Synastry, we talked about the nature of Plutonic relationships and the purpose of them in our life, so if you haven’t read that already I’d advice you to do so – because today we are continuing on from that discussion.
Things to keep in mind is that no one aspect by itself is a “deal breaker” in synastry; and that astrology is only a perspective. Mars-Pluto square aspects are generally hard to deal with certainly, but that doesn’t mean you should walk out of that relationship nor put it in a box by the description, because then you’ll only limit your experience. Squares are tensions, and the only way to deal with them is self-awareness because they stem from our inner worlds, and so both partners need to be willing to self-reflect and be emotionally mature and open in their communication.
Any aspect in synastry shows the land upon which the two partners love and live and walk – because it is land built by their merging energies. So it is no longer “me against you” nor “me and you” – it is the land of us, we together, and so these energies will be inter-weaving and ever-changing based upon both our individual decisions and our mutual decisions.
Please remember that these are only general descriptions and largely dependent on the natal charts of each individual and where they currently are on their path, as well as the rest of the synastry. Also – since these are energies combined, sometimes the Mars person can exhibit the Plutonian energies more and vice versa, and dynamics may change along the course of the relationships or the energies may switch depending on the situation that you face.
We should also remember that Pluto is not some evil bad thing, nor anything to feel ashamed of, and we all have some Pluto inside of us. We will usually go through at least one Pluto-themed relationship especially earlier on in life because these are transformative and sometimes needed for soul growth. If you have hard Pluto aspects in your natal chart you will naturally attract these to mirror you until you balance this energy and heal it inside of you. But even if you do not have this natally, if you are going through a Pluto transit and meet someone and start a relationship with them, the experience of this relationship may be marked with Pluto from the start or the person may be more Plutonian in nature.
Mars Square Pluto in Synastry
When these two meet in synastry we usually find an undercurrent of provocation between the partners and in their relationship dynamic. Let’s say it is a woman’s Pluto squaring a man’s Mars. Perhaps she is not seeing the energy she needs from him, whether sexually or emotionally or physically or mentally, and so she may begin to provoke him unconsciously in order to get some fire from him.
The reason why Pluto may cause things to get unhealthy in a relationship dynamic is because Pluto is largely unconscious, stirs us up from within and we may begin projecting our fears or unhealed wounds or shadow aspects on our partner, and it also makes us feel stuck in our own personal limitations or conditioning of thoughts and beliefs. Pluto is also about power, and as such it is usually better to see Pluto aspects from both partners so that there isn’t imbalance of power. Otherwise if it is only one sided the two may not be as “equal” and one may begin to overstep the other while the other feels weaker in some way and eventually hurt.
So in our example, the way this may play out is that this aspect may tempt the woman as the Pluto to provoke the man as the Mars to act out and resist everything she does or says to him. This may create resentment or bitterness in the long term, and even cause big angry fights, because Mars does not like to be provoked, and will certainly act out when faced with the subtle or even passive aggressive behaviours or comments from Pluto. Because Pluto rules our subconscious and all of our unresolved things we keep hidden within – this may create a lot of harsh, almost explosive encounters, or arguments that may create drama or explode from something small such as even washing the dishes. And it is usually Mars that will be exploding or reacting more, because Pluto is more hidden, but feel free to reverse the two as each relationship dynamic is different. Pluto has a way to really touch our Achilles heel.
The reason we might be creating drama is to keep the fires burning or to re-awaken the passion, yet this is a bit immature to do, but we do it because we fear we will lose our partner. Pluto controls us through fear, and the way to deal with this is to face our fears and settle into the knowing that it is okay to fear things, but we shouldn’t act it out – and we can instead just be open with out partner and communicate more honestly, which will also build our intimacy rather than destroy the bridge toward each other.
At its root, this square is a sexual aspect – which is about subconsciously wanting to prove our power so that we are more attractive to our partner and he desires us more deeply. It’s like “if I can make myself or prove myself powerful in your eyes, you will find me more attractive and not leave me.” This is very unconscious of course, it’s not like we wake up and plan it.
Both Mars and Pluto are quite masculine and firey in nature, but the way they approach things is different. Mars is open direct and may become controlling or aggressive; while Pluto is more hidden, likes to stay behind the corner, and exerts its power and dominance in more subtle ways. Mars will feel this inevitably and get annoyed, which is why it will act out and start rebelling, and this is why it can become controlling or resist anything that Pluto offers or suggests – because it wasn’t openly and directly expressed.
This is basically an aspect about power struggles. And I do have to say, because it is my responsibility to mention it here as an astrologer, some people do experience abuse with these aspects, so if that’s the case for you, I am sorry to hear that, but you’ll need to leave that relationship and seek help. Unfortunately when Mars and Pluto meet in a square aspect it can point to physical aggression if the person is already predisposed to this behaviour, and abuse itself can also come in various forms such as emotional or verbal. In itself this aspect doesn’t mean abuse, however, if there are other aspects in the synastry especially Mars square Mars, things can get really hard. Controlling behaviour from a partner may be an early sign of abusive tendencies, so be mindful of how your partner treats you and do not be afraid to seek advice if you are not certain what is going on or how to move forward. Also – ask yourself whether you do something because of what would happen if you didn’t do it, because then this might mean you are building your relationship based on fear rather than love.
On the positive side – this aspect can teach the native about their own expression of self and independence through their ability or inability to be expressive and make healthy decisions. So in our example, every time your partner makes selfish decisions, you realize “well, that’s not good for me. I have to look after myself, it’s okay to do that.” And it also makes you see him more clearly so that you can move forward with discernment and clarity.
The Pluto person may learn how to stand up for themselves and be more honest in their communication, and how to directly express their needs and emotions more clearly. Perhaps in childhood they couldn’t do that, and now with Mars being so direct, they can learn to voice themselves. What Mars can do to help them is to make sure that they don’t react harshly or get defensive whenever Pluto says something, and they create a more loving environment, rather than making Pluto feel like they are walking on eggshells.
And for the Mars person, they can have the opportunity to practice more patience, self-reflection and temperance. Patience is the mark of truest love, and patience opens the soul of matter. Focus on the higher qualities of Mars which are integrity, loyalty and compassion. Mars protects his loved ones, and fights to keep them well and keep the privacy of their bond sacred. As the Mars person, you need to make sure that you partner feels safe enough to open up to you.
As we talked about in Pluto in Synastry, the higher manifestation or purpose of Pluto relationships is about shedding our layers and taking us closer to ourselves. Pluto demands us to be self-honest and also honest with our partner, and approach each other from a space of self-awareness, maturity, humility and self-accountability. Remember that nothing truly yours can ever be taken away from you. So whatever Pluto strips off, it wasn’t in your right path anymore, it wasn’t true, and perhaps it wasn’t even real, and is ultimately freeing you of anything false, unhealthy and misleading. As I wrote in one of my previous articles Peeling Cinnamon, love is cinnamon peeler – peeling off the outer so that we release our true and sweetest fragrance. Masks cannot fall in love.
Everyone has fears but when we can voice them, and have the right partner with whom we can voice our deepest self with as they hold us in a space of tenderness and none judgement, we become even closer deepening our intimacy. It is about finding the right person with whom we can openly share with rather than be made to feel guilty or ashamed of our powerful and intense emotions and of our fears of not losing them, because it is absolutely okay to need someone and to fear losing them. And when problems arise, try to focus on how to solve the problem together rather than fighting against each other.
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Cover movie still from To Have and Have Not, Liberty Publishing, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons.