Plutonic relationships are known for their passionate and primal nature, magnetic pull, and they surely stir up all of our inside of. When Pluto connects powerfully to an inner planet such as the Moon, Venus, Sun or Mars in synastry, the relationship is largely marked by the Plutonic themes.
As a spiritual astrologer who focuses mainly on intimacy and relationship, I see this often times mistaken for meant to be, soulmate or so-called “twin flame relationships”, and as passionate as these relationships may start off as, unfortunately sometimes it can lead us down the Hades path to the underworld. Plutonic relationships that are marked by hard aspects such as squares, oppositions and conjunctions, may often times be more trauma bonds than anything else, and they can be very unhealthy yet very hard to let go off. Each relationship in life has its higher purpose, regardless of the label we give it, and when people usually come together in these relationships, it is because each of them as individuals have their own Pluto to heal in their natal charts. In this article today it is my intention to unfold some layers towards insight, and for those of you who are in deep dark muddy waters, you may hopefully find your way out in a healthy and more loving way.
Please remember not to view individual aspects in synastry as absolutes – all interweaves, interplays and shapes with and through the other aspects. Each aspect is not an absolute, it is only one part of the whole, one current and wave within the ocean and as such dependent on the ocean, weather and movement of all else that marries it within itself and breathes it into life; so aspects work in tandem and synergy with all the rest. Most importantly, the way aspects manifest depends largely on the nature of each individual. Every relationship will have its obstacles and hurdles, and we’ll always have misunderstandings, but if the love is pure and true, and both partners invest into each other and in themselves with clarity and intention, and have the emotional maturity, things can usually be worked out and settled into peace.
Plutonic Relationships
Often times Plutonic relationships are confused for soulmate or twin flame relationships because they are extremely passionate – there is a primal passion that is undeniable and unstoppable.
Soulmates are individuals who are extremely self-developed on a soul level and are a harmonious match to one another; and despite their trending and over-using across social media, it is actually quite rare to meet a true one. The meeting of one usually happens after the individual has come into some real deep sense of inner knowing, peace and love through spiritual growth. Through their union they are able to then merge their energies even further in a way they could not have done before, their sacred union causes even greater soul growth. These relationships are harmonious and flow easily, despite their powerful sexual attraction, the love is mutual for both partners, and both are a match to one another’s inner worlds spiritually, emotionally and mentally.
Plutonic relationships also cause, or rather trigger growth, but at a very high price. They can be extremely painful and often include co-dependency and abuse, both of which are not part of an authentic soulmate and healthy relationship.
While it is true that soul relationships in their earlier stages may face some difficulties, because all relationships go through some adjustments of the two individuals’ personalities, they are not defined by fear, selfishness, intense power struggles, painful yearnings, abuse, toxicity, trauma bondings and co-dependency that Pluto marks. Furthermore, Plutonic relationships always have issues and themes of fear and control – they are attractive and destructive, and feel almost impossible to leave, which makes them addictive and causes people to be completely immersed in them.
Because of the intense sexual attraction and passion that is felt in the Plutonic relationships, people believe that it must be a soulmate or twin flame or deep past life love relationship – because what else could that overwhelming passion be?
But intensity and love are not the same thing. Plutonic relationships are defined by the demanding, controlling, possessive, lustful and primal part of love, and while soul bonds also have a primal passion that is beyond what one will ever comprehend unless they’ve experienced it, it is a kind of love that raises us in ecstasy, rather than limits, imprisons or destroys us. And as already mentioned, even though all kinds of relationships may experience some power struggles, control, jealousy and even obsessions, healthy relationship are not defined by them to spike up the passion or love.
Plutonic relationships are very overwhelming and spellbound – they are addictive, they are passionate, they are intense, and we can’t just walk away. When Pluto looks at us, we feel seen in a way we haven’t felt before, and we can feel so naked yet so held. The way he looks at us makes us feel like the only person in the world, and this is why softer Pluto aspects such as trines and sextiles are absolutely beautiful and emotionally deep offering depth of connection on all levels. But when in hard aspects, Pluto looks through the eyes of fear and wants to keep himself hidden, reaching his hands through the soil only when it serves him. Pluto is an underground energy i.e. he resides within the soil, and he represents all of our undealt with things, suppressed things, unacknowledged things – and so, when we haven’t dealt with these, nor are we aware of what lies in our undergrounds, he acts out of fear. He seeks to possess and control because he is deeply afraid and insecure that his beloved will leave him.
The higher purpose of Plutonic relationships is that the individuals have these themes already in their natal charts, and have come together to deal with it – to face their shadows, heal them, gain more self respect and self love walking away from what’s not good for them. It is about growth, and sometimes karma, as many karmic ties and karmic ropes usually have hard Pluto aspects. The reason for the intense attraction isn’t the real love – it is rather tha wounds and anxieties triggered, or the karmic impulse and debt that needs to be balanced out. Real love, soulmate love, will make you feel peace and safety within the arms of your beloved, and just their presence soothes you; real love will not contract your energy, it will not make you dim your shine, it will not make you feel fearful, anxious or pressured.
In Plutonic relationships, we are shedding layers and layers of ourselves, we are experiencing heart palpitations, we are feeling like we’ve never met anyone like that in our life, and these connections lead us down to the depths of psychological bonding that creates intense attachments; and this will make us think it is true love.
And it is because of this intense amount of passion that people often want to contain it in a definition, or to label it, so to better understand it and make sense of it all, which is why they say it’s a “twin flame relationship”. Often times people who feel the need to use the twin flame terms are those who have some Neptune hard aspects in their charts, or some co-dependence or over-fantasizing or even spiritual bypassing.
One needs to understand that true love relationships are not about dominance and control, and there is no need to define something so give it more weight or validation. If you don’t feel well and are not treated well, consider that it is time to move away. It is hard to walk away and to break up with someone when we’ve invested our heart and years into them, and often times we grieve not even the person but the dreams we built and the version of ourselves or what we hoped we’d create together. But love can also exist in reality and authenticity.
Pluto is not a “bad” planet, there are no bad planets – he is the part of us that seeks honesty. And he will continue to push us towards that which will make us honest with ourselves, because he wants to grow us, shift us, transform and let go of all that isn’t aligned to us anymore. The Pluto within us isn’t something to fear, it is something to understand and be aware of; because the more we suppress things, the more unaware we are because we we fear our shadows and urges or are ashamed of them and that’s why we’ve pushed them down – then the more things we do externally to continue the facade and escape, and to soothe ourselves or give ourselves some level of external satisfaction and safety.
When we know ourselves more fully and wholy, when we’ve made peace with our Pluto with honesty, then it becomes our greatest power – because there is nothing more powerful that knowing all of our little corners and under-soils, because then no one and nothing can control us nor lead us astray; we become aligned to truth and know ourselves, so no temptations and lower urges have power over us.
Were you wrong to follow the Plutonian passion? Was there a higher purpose?
We might sometimes find ourselves drawn into the arms of the dark tall handsome man believing wholebodily and wholeheartedly that it was love, only to then end up in hell. And we might feel like we never want to believe in love again, and that our heart led us astray. Were we wrong to follow it?
As both a spiritual counselor and astrologer I believe that everything has its purpose in our life. And as human beings, perhaps it is precisely in our moments of primal passions that we are led into the important paths we need to take. In meeting our Hades, Pluto, a charming king, lord of the underworld, or just a beast, we ultimately come to meet parts of us that we would not have faced before, and in many ways, we meet the conditioned and limited definition of the partner we might have created in our psyche. We are faced with decisions which will ultimately unveil our true self – the way we respond to the dark lord will show us who we are and who we aren’t.
In these underworlds, we have an opportunity to face the wild landscapes of our inner world. We find out what we like and what we don’t like; we integrate parts of us into our wholeness, and into a more complete understanding of who we are and what we truly desire. Because to know ourselves we need to know who we are not also.
Love is a peeler and it peels the layers of our bark until we can unveil our true self, our true heart beat. So in these underworld experiences we are essentially shedding layers of ourselves and the false masks fall which helps us deepen into love. We come into a knowledge that we wouldn’t have arrived at otherwise. And so in a way Pluto’s mere existence is a necessity for our truth, and for a deeper love to be awakened.
Like Persephone, when we descend into the underworld we come across winter and darkness. It’s a hard time indeed, but one that allows for reflection and deepening. And if we learn from our experiences, sharpen our instincts, and come into emotional clarity, this is where we can become queens or kings i.e. come into our emotional maturity.
On the other hand, when the soul is starved of what it needs, there is a danger of being seduced into following the wrong path, which is why self-love and inner harmony always come first if you truly desire deeply loving and fulfilling relationship. Remember that love rests upon the beautiful three: clarity of mind, purity of heart and sincerity in action.
Pluto is the part of ourselves that is about our relationship to our inner power. He is essentially leading you towards self honesty and inner growth, just as all else in life is. Whatever we haven’t yet seen within ourselves may be mirrored externally in some shape or form; and sometimes we just need to see who we are not in order to know who we are – which is why with hard Pluto relationships we can begin to act in ways we never did before; and suddenly we can’t even recognize ourselves and all our inner things that are coming to the surface.
Sometimes Pluto shows us that what we thought we wanted we don’t; and what we actually need, so that we can shift our focus and move towards it. Essentially, Pluto is about reclaiming our power, and creating a better relationship to how we feel about ourselves, our values and morals. Anything we are not aware of will always have power over us, and will be the point of vulnerability that someone can use to have control over us and manipulate us; so when we know our shadows, we become stronger. In this way, Pluto seeks to liberate us through self honesty, self responsibility, accountability and maturity.
Are relationships workable with Pluto in synastry?
Of course, they can. Softer Pluto aspects, such as trines and sextiles, are beautiful, and offer transformation and spiritual growth in a more harmonious way, because each individual approaches the other with more care and gentleness. The harder aspects may sometimes be workable also of course, as long as both individuals are prepared for deep self work and continuous self reflection.
Pluto gives depth of connection, and a harmonious Pluto aspect, such as trines and sextiles, may offer you an additional layer of deep emotional and sexual connection, which is beautiful and needed – we all need passion and depth in our relationships. There is an intuitive understanding between the two people, and a deep emotional connection that binds them for many years; and there are beautiful fires that will continuously nourish your physical intimacy also.
What you need to be mindful of, however, are the harder aspects such as squares, oppositions and conjunctions, especially to planets such as Moon, Venus, Sun and Mars, because this will in time push you towards “keeping each other at all costs” because of the inner fears. Fears of abandonment, manipulation and control dynamics may settle in, and in very subtle ways; so you need to be aware of how you act, react and treat one another. Fear is a powerful motivator with Pluto aspects, and manipulation and selfishness also, because Pluto is our deep shadow. Pluto is what breathes deep underground, beneath the moist soil, but what you’ll grow of it, and nurture of it, is only up to you.
Self awareness, self control and inner work are key for any relationship to work. There are no “bad” aspects in synastry; it is about how we step into this energy and navigate through it, and essentially, it really always comes down to emotional maturity and self awareness.
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Cover photography: Film still from the 1926 film Torrent.
