Plutonic relationships are known for their passionate and primal nature, magnetic pull, and they surely stir up all of our inside of. When Pluto connects powerfully to an inner planet such as the Moon, Venus, Sun or Mars in synastry, the relationship is largely marked by the Plutonic themes.

As a spiritual astrologer who focuses mainly on intimacy and relationship, I see this often times mistaken for soulmate or twin flame relationships, and as passionate as these relationships may start off as, unfortunately sometimes it can lead us down the Hades path to the underworld. Each relationship in life has its higher purpose, regardless of the “label” we give it, and in this article today it is my intention to unfold some layers towards insight, and for those of you who are in deep dark muddy waters, you can find your way out in a healthy and more loving way.

Please remember not to view synastry as an end all be all – and that astrology itself is only a perspective. And each aspect too is not an absolute, it is only one part of the whole, one current and wave within the ocean and as such dependent on the ocean, weather and movement of all else that marries it within itself and breathes it into life; so aspects work in tandem and synergy with all the rest. More than anything, it truly comes down to each individual’s self-awareness, willingness to work on the relationship and to take self-responsibility, and where each person is one their unique spiritual path at the current time. Every relationship will have its obstacles and hurdles, and we’ll always have misunderstandings, but if the love is pure and true, and both partners invest into each other and in themselves with clarity and intention, and have the emotional maturity, things can usually be worked out and settled into peace.

Plutonic Relationships

Often times Plutonic relationships are confused for soulmate or twin flame relationships because they are extremely passionate – there is a primal passion that is undeniable and unstoppable.

Soulmates are individuals who are extremely self-developed on a soul level and despite their trending and over-using in social media, it is actually quite rare to meet a true one; and the meeting of one usually happens after the individual has come into some real deep sense of inner knowing, peace and love through spiritual growth. Through their union they are able to then merge their energies even further in a way they could not have done before, their sacred union causes even greater soul growth. These relationships are harmonious and flow easily, despite their powerful sexual attraction, the love is mutual for both partners, and both are a match to one another’s inner worlds spiritually, emotionally and mentally.

Plutonic relationships also cause, or rather trigger growth, but at a very high price. They can be extremely painful and often include co-dependency and abuse, both of which are not part of an authentic spiritual or soulmate relationship.

While it is true that soul relationships in their earlier stages may face difficulties, they are not defined by these intense power struggles, painful yearnings, abuse, toxicity, trauma bondings and co-dependency that Pluto marks. Furthermore, Plutonic relationships always have issues and themes of fear and control – they are attractive and destructive, and feel almost impossible to leave, which makes them addictive and causes people to be completely immersed in them. 

Because of the intense passion that is felt in the Plutonic relationships, people believe that it must be a soulmate or twin flame or deep past life love relationship – because what else could that overwhelming passion be? 

But intensity and love are not the same thing. Plutonic relationships are defined by the demanding, controlling, possessive, lustful and primal part of love, and while soul bonds also have a primal passion that is beyond what one will ever comprehend unless they’ve experienced it, it is a kind of love that raises us in ecstasy, rather than limits, imprisons or destroys us. And as already mentioned, even though all kinds of relationships may experience some power struggles, control, jealousy and even obsessions, healthy relationship are not defined by them to spike up the passion or love.

Plutonic relationships are very overwhelming and spellbound – they are addictive, they are passionate, they are intense, and we can’t just walk away. We are shedding layers and layers of ourselves, we are experiencing heart palpitations, we are feeling like we’ve never met anyone like that in our life, and these connections lead us down to the depths of psychological bonding that creates intense attachments; and this will make us think it is true love.

And it is because of this intense amount of passion that people often want to contain it in a definition, or to label it, so to better understand it and make sense of it all, which is why they say it’s a “twin flame relationship”. Often times people who feel the need to use the twin flame terms are those who have some Neptune hard aspects in their charts, or some co-dependence or over-fantasizing or even spiritual bypassing.

One needs to understand that true love relationships are not about dominance and control, and there is no need to define something so give it more weight or validation. If you don’t feel well and are not treated well, consider that it is time to move away. It is hard to walk away and to break up with someone when we’ve invested our heart and years into them, and often times we grieve not even the person but the dreams we built and the version of ourselves or what we hoped we’d create together. But love can also exist in reality and authenticity.

Were you wrong to follow the Plutonian passion? Was there a higher purpose?

We might sometimes find ourselves drawn into the arms of the dark tall handsome man believing wholebodily and wholeheartedly that it was love, only to then end up in hell. And we might feel like we never want to believe in love again, and that our heart led us astray. Were we wrong to follow it?

As both a spiritual counselor and astrologer I deeply believe that everything has its purpose in our life. And perhaps it is precisely in our moments of primal passions that we are led into the important paths we need to take. In meeting our Hades, Pluto, a charming king, lord of the underworld, or just a beast, we ultimately come to meet parts of us that we would not have faced before, and in many ways, we meet the conditioned and limited definition of the partner we might have created in our psyche. We are faced with decisions which will ultimately unveil our true self – the way we respond to the dark lord will show us who we are and who we aren’t.

In these underworlds, we have an opportunity to face the wild landscapes of our inner world. We find out what we like and what we don’t like; we integrate parts of us into our wholeness, and into a more complete understanding of who we are and what we truly desire. Because to know ourselves we need to know who we are not also.

Love is a peeler and it peels the layers of our bark until we can unveil our true self, our true heart beat. So in these underworld experiences we are essentially shedding layers of ourselves and the false masks fall which helps us deepen into love. We come into a knowledge that we wouldn’t have arrived at otherwise. And so in a way Pluto’s mere existence is a necessity for our truth, and for a deeper love to be awakened.

Like Persephone, when we descend into the underworld we come across winter and darkness. It’s a hard time indeed, but one that allows for reflection and deepening. And if we learn from our experiences, sharpen our instincts, and come into emotional clarity, this is where we can become queens or kings i.e. come into our emotional maturity.

On the other hand, when the soul is starved of what it needs, there is a danger of being seduced into following the wrong path, which is why self-love and inner harmony always come first if you truly desire deeply loving and fulfilling relationship.

What’s right for you may be wrong for someone else – and this is why it is also important to remember it is your path, and yours alone, not anyone else’s. Sure, you may bump into some things in the dark, and even regret it initially, but maybe it was exactly as it had to be and where you needed to be at this time. It is important to tend to your inner wellbeing, your soul’s longings and follow the true desires of your heart. Ultimately, we will go where we need to, and there are many hidden treasures along the way. Remember that love rests upon the beautiful three: clarity of mind, purity of heart and sincerity in action.

Are relationships workable with Pluto in synastry?

Of course, they are. Pluto gives depth of connection; and a harmonious Pluto aspect may offer you a certain level of deeper emotional and sexual connection, which is beautiful and needed – we all need passion and depth in our relationships. What you need to be mindful of, however, are the harder aspects such as squares and oppositions, and often conjunctions, especially to planets such as Moon, Venus, Sun and Mars, because this will in time push you towards “keeping each other at all costs”. In other words, fears of abandonment, manipulation and control dynamics may settle in, and in very subtle ways; so you need to be aware of how you act, react and treat one another. Fear is a powerful motivator with Pluto aspects, and manipulation and selfishness also, because Pluto is our deep shadow. Pluto is what breathes deep underground, beneath the moist soil, but what you’ll grow of it, and nurture of it, is only up to you. 

Self awareness, self control and inner work are key for any relationship to work. There are no “bad” aspects in synastry; it is about how we step into this energy and navigate through it, and essentially, it really always comes down to emotional maturity and self awareness.

To learn more about the specific dynamics that Pluto may create in relationships, you may read my next two articles:

Mars Square Pluto in Synastry

Moon Square Pluto in Synastry

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Cover photograph is a film still from the American romantic drama film The Loves of Carmen (1927), Public Domain, via Wikimedia Commons.

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