There are many ways in which we can describe masculine and feminine energy – how they interact and weave together in and of and through one another. Of course, within each of us, both breathe, exist and are married, vowed to one another by the eternal kiss that once united them in sacredness. And yet, each of us also has a specific channel through which either one expresses itself more strongly. For women particularly, the feminine mysteries are of upmost importance as this is their primary way of expression and creation, both within and without.
In our world today, many of the so-called spiritual teachings however are still coming from the perspective of masculine energy – in the sense that there is an emphasis on the go-go-go, plan and initiate, which are not really the natural essence of the feminine. In the context of modern dating, many women just keep going after men over and over again, pursuing and even sometimes aggressively, rather than allowing the man to come to them and be inspired in his masculine energy of courage, initiation and integrity. A man who is mature in himself and knows who he is, will know what to do, will express himself emotionally and will not let you constantly doubt his feelings and intentions, so that you circle in worries, doubts, uncertainty and instabilities. You have to allow the right man to come to you, someone who is actually mature rather than someone with boy child psychology. If he isn’t showing up for you in the way that you need to feel loved, supported and appreciated, then you have to accept that; no need to “fix” anything or anyone. We need to let men be men; we need to connect to that inner knowing and inner trust – and thus, inner confidence.
This difference of energies can also be portrayed through the communication styles. For example, when the feminine speaks she usually expresses herself through “no” – as in “no, I don’t want that” rather than “yes, I want that.” This is usually a point of misunderstanding in relationships between man and woman, because while the masculine is looking for a direct answer and asking a direct question, the feminine needs to approach this differently. But when she says “no”, he may naturally take this as a rejection or be confused, because he doesn’t understand that this is just her natural way. Feminine energy is like water – she needs to flow, she needs the freedom to flow and yet he can help her as he provides a sense of stability in which she can be her true self with all her waves and tides.
These misunderstandings have also led many women to begin to disassociate from themself and their inner power. I see many women who are just having a really hard time drawing in what they need in their life, as feminine energy is naturally about pulling in. Many also struggle with their inability to say no or to set boundaries in their life. When a woman is made to live against their natural essence, of receptivity and thereby then discernment, she begins to feel off-balance and hardens her heart.
There are two aspects to everything: the masculine and the feminine. The masculine aspect of love for example is the action, the hands, the word; he says, I love you, I want you, I choose you. The feminine aspect of love is the pulling you in, the quietness, the mystic, the soil, she is nature itself; she is the soul’s longing of a whisper calling in the wind, I desire you and only you, I am waiting for you. She pulls you in, she is the moist soil into which his hands dig to search for her until he finds her; and he will not settle for anything less until it’s the right one, the one of his heart. On an every day level, this is about the understanding that love needs words, gestures and feelings also; that love is both in the active and quiet aspects that bind us in the unspoken and immaterial; and that it requires truth, values, trust, devotion, and integrity of consistent efforts. You can read more on that in my article The Masculine and Feminine Aspects of Love.
There are also two ways of approaching emotions: the masculine and the feminine. For example, to approach and work with the energy of “fear”, the masculine is the knight who conquers the dragon in the forest – he conquers the fear. This is also Archangel Michael with his sword of truth and courage. On the other hand, the feminine calms the dragon, feeds him with a patience and compassion of rhythm, listens to the message he wants to tell her about why she is feeling fear – and ultimately, she befriends him so that he becomes a powerful ally. Think of Daenerys from Game of Thrones. Both ways face the fear, face the emotion – and yet they approach it from different ways.
I can go on and on and on with many metaphors, examples and portrayals, but a really beautiful one that I’ve always loved and talked often about is how feminine energy is like the Eternal Virgin.
The Eternal Virgin
The Eternal Virgin isn’t “someone” who’s never had sexual relations, she is someone who is complete in herself and doesn’t need to be with anyone to know who she is. She is someone who interacts with external energies but she never allows herself to be fundamentally changed, shifted, or transmuted by any forces that come from without.
In other words, the eternal virgin energy remains true to herself and her essence within and does not allow anything or anyone other than her self to shift her. She always seeks the higher connection to God, or to higher consciousness, and she does this by way of service, surrender, humbleness, selflessness and compassion. And each time she is faced with a transformational experience, instead of allowing herself to be changed externally from without, she renews herself from within completely, rising then like a phoenix.
What this shows is the receptivity of feminine energy – that the feminine can sit still, in quietness, and by knowing self, and by knowing the earth, she pulls is what she desires. She then discerns it – because as a magnet she will attract many things and many people, and will need to then move the waves away from those she doesn’t want to. But – because she knows herself, and is rooted in both heart and spiritual core, she doesn’t change her love and purity of essence. She stays true to herself.
This means that especially a woman it is absolutely important to tune into yourself each day and ask:
How do I feel?
What do I feel?
As women we are constantly absorbing all and everything into our own energy field, whether we are aware of it or not. And the more people we love such as our family, partner and children, the more worried we are because of course, love is strong; and when we love someone we take them as part of ourselves, in each and every and all ways, but that’s what real love is. Real love is not for the faint of heart. So we need to tune into our deep self each day, even if for a little bit, to take a walk, or shower, or just sit still, and reflect on what feelings are ours and which ones aren’t, or are worries that need to be released before they consume us. We need to cleanse our self and clear the mind, so that we can be better at caring for our loved ones also tomorrow.
We need to re-evaluate whether who we are is truly us or whether it was changed because of another; how much or how far away from ourselves have we swayed; is this pathway where we feel comfortable going; am I making this decision based on me or another, or the fear of what would happen if I didn’t do it; am I staying in this relationship because of what would happen if I didn’t? We have to lay foundations based on love not on fear, as difficult as it may be sometimes. Or for example, if you’ve been faced with someone who hurt you or gossiped about you, are you now hardening your heart and turning into someone you are not? Keep your heart pure and true to you, because this is your connection to everything.
Love as the Eternal Virgin
Divine love too is like the eternal virgin.
Love stays true to its inner state, incapable of being swayed from without.
It’s a sense of being that we all strive to reach within ourselves, just think of all the times our inner peace and joy are disturbed by what happens outside of us, whether someone’s opinion or a life’s situation. This inner state is what people call “awakening”. For example, Buddhist teachings on love have nothing to do with ordinary relationships or receiving love from others; they are about cultivating the capacity to be able to love.
Do we love someone based on how they feel for us; or can we love them even from a distance just because that’s how we feel?
Does our love change; is it a constant variable that changes daily?
Can we love another as who they truly are?
When we love, do we give based on what the other needs, or do we give based on what we want to be given in turn?
Do I love you only until you disappoint me or don’t fit an expectation or ideal I had of you?
Is my love dependent on mood, behaviour or how I am feeling today?
The notion of divine love as changeless and invariable, carrying the eternal virgin energy, is portrayed in many mystical teachings. Bulgarian philosopher and spiritual teacher Peter Deunov described three kinds of love. The first he called “Human Love” that is a love that changes and varies. It is along the lines of: “I love you when you please me but I don’t when you disappoint me.”
The second kind of love he called “Spiritual Love” that is a love that varies but never changes: “It doesn’t matter how much you disappoint me, my love for you is eternal and changeless.” “My love for you, eternal though it may be, can be hot and cold, again oftentimes dependent upon how you are behaving today, or how I am feeling.”
And the last one he called “Divine Love” that is what he committed to cultivating within himself and towards all his teachings. Divine love is a love that never changes and never varies. This is what most spiritual teachers not just talk about, but they live as, and what we all usually intent and strive for. We all fall in and out of these different kinds – and some blessed few may even sustain the latter one forever.
Imagine an orange. No matter who squeezes it, pressures it, or what circumstances the orange will be in, the only thing that will come from this orange is still only orange juice. Now imagine you are the orange. What is your true essence? Whom do you let to walk in your soul with their dirty feet? What comes out of you when someone pressures you, stresses you, betrays you, judges you?
We are all human of course, and we shouldn’t be martyrs – and of course, external things will always influence us, and we might react especially when we have the right to do so, for protection of ourself and those we love. And should absolutely have the right to be angry when someone has crossed your boundaries or has hurt you in any shape or form.
However, as much as we think we might have been influenced or changed, I want you to consider –
have you really changed your true essence, or are you still true to your self and your higher values no matter what has happened to your life?
If you still keep the spark of purity and innocence of heart, your tenderness of heart, your softness of touch and word, and the truth of who you are and your higher values, no matter how many dark nights of the soul you’ve faced – then congratulate yourself, because this is something very few are capable of.
This is the eternal virgin energy in its human form. And of course we’ll always have space for learning and for seeking to become better people – but in these little human moments, of selflessness, generosity, sensitivity tenderness and grace, we’ll touch this divine love, and we’ll remember who we truly are. This is the feminine aspect of our self within each one of us also.
For more of my writings, browse through my Art of Love.
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Cover art by Vicente Romero Redondo, 2011, via Wikimedia Commons. The artist’s official website is at vicenteromeroredondo.com