“and when i breathe you in, i know you know” ~ The God-like Things by Lubomira Kourteva

Like all else in life and in ourselves, within and without, love too has two aspects of itself: the masculine and the feminine.

The masculine aspect of love is the yang, sun, the fiery sword that becomes the action, the seed, the word. He is the prayer. He is the decision, the penetrative power that initiates with clarity. He is the truth and the integrity. He is the one that knows that to love a woman means to not be afraid of death. He says, “I love you. I want you. I need you.”

The feminine aspect of love is the yin, the mystic, the healer, the pulling you in. She is a quietness, a listening, an opportunity for a deepening. She is the voice from a time before time beyond time. She is the moon, the darkness, the wetness. She is the yearning, the longing, the moist soil, the bottom of the wells, the wombed room, the cup to be filled, the tides pulling in towards herself, the desire, the dreaming. She is memory. She whispers in a voice only the soul of her beloved understands and she says, “I am waiting for you. I am longing for you. I desire only you.”

She is nature itself. She is the good mud, the back legs of the fox at night and the fertile soil of earth. And he is the hands that dig in searching for her, tirelessly, without expectation, almost without hesitation, and sometimes without even the hope of ever finding her – but he digs in, searching, because he knows no other way than the need to find her and awaken his own self into the remembering.

He has hands and skin of prayer, and she is his church. And so he digs in, searching.

Until he finds her, in the fired earth.

Until he finds you.

And the fired earth becomes the element of water, as you both deepen into a drop containing all of your intimacies.

You’ll fall into his wise, soulful, loving eyes and arms, allowing yourself, without any doubt nor hesitation, to be stirred entirely by his wildish soul.

Entirely.

Entirely.

That’s how it’s always been.

When two worlds meet, and touch, we find that love isn’t only felt in the heart, it is known by our hands also.

Soul kisses soul on the lips, and from such deep love a new soul is born: the soul of the relationship.

That’s how it’s always been.

Then. Now. Always.

So what does that mean in the context of our relationships?

It means that love is not a thing to be only felt – it needs to be embodied in our ordinary every day gestures, words and hands. For love to be experienced in its entirety, it needs to be expressed – and as such, both of its aspects need to marry in union and to move in harmony together as they dance a lover’s dance.

Often times in life people spend so much time and dedication towards their work, and yet they don’t spend nearly half the time and dedication towards their partner. Relationships are fragile, human hearts are fragile. There needs to be attention and effort, and with a kindness and empathy of rhythm we need to approach one another daily.

We all have bad days, and all relationships go through hardships and many phases, but what matters is that we try to navigate through it all as best as we can. And what helps is to remember that each morning our partner wakes us doing the best they can, with what they are capable of, and have the capacity for – so we can try to see the beauty in their effort and try to appreciate it. We need the same appreciation in turn, of course.

Patience opens the soul of matter. Move away from the mentalities of instant gratification and short attention spans. People often want articles with steps on how to deepen intimacies, and preferably it should be less than seven steps because otherwise we lose focus – but there are no steps and no quick fixes; it takes a looking and a real seeing into the eyes of the one we love, and it takes a real listening. Every day is an opportunity for a deepening, and every thing not working as we wanted it to is an opportunity for a renewal. 

Love is seeing not of flesh – but through the flesh. There needs to be an understanding of who the other truly is and needs. Often times we give to another what we want to receive and not what they need in that moment.

There also needs to be the humble understanding that only parts of us will ever truly know only parts of the other. There will always be unknown parts in the unique emotional, spiritual and physical wild lands of the other person – and no matter how long we’ve lived together, we can’t assume we know it all, because we don’t and never will. Just as we’ll rarely fully know ourselves unless we spend meaningful self work and self reflection. The worlds on our inside-of constantly change in many subtle ways throughout the years, and we need to spend time to reconnect to one another – we need to re-discover and re-explore each other, and the many ways in which we hug, kiss and love – not in the way we once did, but in the way we do right now, as we are, as we need to.

And sometimes, as primitive as it may sound, we may just need to sit outside in the wild untamed cold distant lands, and learn, or re-learn, how to build fire.

In the case that you are currently without the right partner for you, what the ancient esoteric truths above mean is – keep dreaming, keep believing, keep trusting. Settle into the quiet corner of your heart knowing, truly knowing, that the one meant for you will find you, because what you seek is seeking you, what you desire desires you, because like rivers flow to sea, what is will always be. What belongs to you is yours and has no where else to go than towards you, to be held only in your loving hands – because nothing and no one else will suffice it. Love’s destiny is to fulfill itself – it will. It’s inevitable. Then. Now. Always.

For more of my writings, browse through my publication Art of Love.

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Cover art by Ron Hicks, whose beautiful paintings always sweep me away, as he truly captures the Art of Love.