Wives, mothers, sisters, daughters, creatives, poetesses, musicians, dancers, lovers, friends, entrepreneurs … there are so many things that we are simultaneously as women, and there is so much of ourselves that we give to others. Internally, we walk along so many wild lands also – unique landscapes of the emotional and spiritual ways, and we shape-shift along these ways. These lands also have their own cycles, just like our body too like the moon above us, goes through its own cycles. This is natural, and it is beautiful. And it all exists together, simultaneously, within us and outside of us. We can be cool toned while hot feeling, we are deeply lingering while separating, we are bonded in emotion and surrendered in love while also repulsing, we are present while away, we are committed while free, we are ecstatic and yet longing, yearning, for the I don’t know. We are a conjunction, a syzygy, the marriage of sun and moon. We are a sweet sunlight on bared salted skin at the beach, while also the scent of the back legs of the wild red fox leading us into the night. We are sunny and joyful, while being wistful and deeply longing. We are both the crying and the laughter, the temptress and the nurturer, the silent mystic and the expressive creative.
A woman is an earth, just like her body is an earth also in all of its physical, emotional and spiritual landscapes. A woman is seas and oceans and lakes; she is rivers and remote icebergs; sometimes she is the much needed rainlife to freshen the lakes, and sometimes she is romantic snowflakes to remind us to cozy up at home near the hearths of flames with those we love – or play outside as a family in childlike wonder and belly laughters! Some bodies of water are sweet, other salty; some have strong currents and big waves; and some are still and tucked away deep into the forests. And like all cycles of land, of moon, and of body, there are ebbs and flows – there is a time for quietness, and there is a time for being outside.
Like any earth, there are also diverse continents with cities and little towns, full of history, unique cultures and heritage – full of so much storytelling. There are also streets – some cemented, some cobblestones paved from many generations; and then there are other roads – off the path – where with courage of heart, we put on our red hiking shoes and go to explore them on our own.
There are also climates and landscape. A woman is simultaneously tropical jungles with lush flowers, and she is also quiet mystical deserts, where the stars can shine brighter than anywhere else. Sometimes there are mountains within us that with an awakening of endurance we get to see to the other side; and sometimes there are caves where we enter with our lanterns to awaken ourselves into the remembering of intuitive and mystical wisdom.
A woman is nature itself. She is the good mud, the moist fertile soil. She is wildlife. She is both virgin moon and a wild rebellious night.
In our unique physical, emotional and spiritual wild lands, there lie our desires, knowings, wisdoms, intuition, dreams, peace and longings. And like all lands and physical pathways, our earth is vulnerable to overbuilding, overwatering and under-feeling. It needs nurturing, it needs our presence also.
We share these inner beautiful worlds with those we love, and this is how we uncover ourselves to build deeper intimacy with our partners also. And yet, always, these is a little part of us, an inner water well that is private and must be kept sacred.
The need to our sacred secret water well.
It is said by many Indigenous cultures worldwide that a woman’s highest purpose is to connect man to God, and a man’s highest purpose is to protect and nourish woman, so that she has the needed stable space in which she can flow freely in her true essence. This is because a woman has a clear channel – a bridge – to God. Many Zen Buddhists actually believe that only high and advanced monks or spiritual teachers were to be reincarnated as women. A man comes closer to God because of the way that he receives energy from a woman. When she is more present with him, she is able to give more to him, to inspire him, to support him, to love him; and this is how she gives to her entire family and to her children as well. This is how she can be creative also – when she is connected to herself and charged in her energy. However, if she feels drained or hasn’t had time for herself, she will not be able to do much for anyone else.
It is so easy for us as women to forget about ourselves. We are constantly bombarded by stress and expectations to be something more and more and more. There is also so much that we have to do in our ordinary life, and so many things and people to look after. A stay at home mom for example does everything. It is a 24 hours job – she takes care of the house, chores, budgets, she tends to the little ones, she is a mother, a wife, a lover; she is also a daughter, a sister, a friend, a cook, a mechanic, a decision maker, a caretaker – she is everything. And yet society doesn’t really show much respect for that. No, she should be more, she should be doing more.
The way feminine energy works is that a woman already does everything she is supposed to be doing just by being present. Her very essence of energy is that it is transmutational and it cleanses all else around her. This is why in many Indigenous tribes, the men would take care of the children daily, so that the women would have free time by themselves, to do whatever pleases them, to engage in prayer, and be reconnect with themselves – because the men and all elders knew that when the feminine energy is strong and flowing, the entire community will be more prosperous.
Your sacred secret water well.
In each one of us as women, there is a water well. It looks different for all of us, it is unique to us. It can be a little pond, a little lake, a waterfall, a river stream. It is deep into a forest, it is in a secret place and we should keep it a secret. Yes, a secret. This place is only for you – and its waters should remain clear and only to be touched and whispered on by you, and only you.
In this place you go to reconnect to God or to your higher faith or to your peace within – whichever of these resonates with you. It is essentially the place where love returns you to love, where you reconnect to yourself, and you nourish your higher faith. You can pray, you can dance, you can decorate your water well and the land around it with anything you want. It’s meant to bring you clarity and peace – and root you within your spiritual core – this is your power. Through this you awaken your intuitive wisdom and clarity. This place is also what allows you to surrender completely. As women, it is hard for us to loosen our control, because often times, unfortunately, we don’t have the partner or environment to support us in this. And many decisions and responsibilities fall on us, with very few people with whom we can truly and open share with. In this place, in your sacred place, you can undress in the unknowing, you can unburden yourself. Fall into surrender, into the hands that can hold you. You don’t have to know it all, or to have it all figured out or have yourself together in life all the time. There are timings and powers beyond us all – beyond the hands of our man-made clocks. It is okay to let go, and let God.
"What the Moon Saw" by Helen Stratton (1867-1961)
So in your times of unclarity and stress, though I’ll suggest a few minutes every day, close your eyes – and go to your water well. If it’s your first time: How does it look like? How do you reach it? How does it feel like? Do you hear the water – how does it sound it? Touch it. Feel it. Let it run through your fingers. Listen to it. What does it say to you? Breathe in, breathe out. Follow its rhythm. Feel your chest relax, feel your entire body relax. This is your sacred secret place. This is the place where you can relax and know that all is okay. This is the place where you are a mystic, a priestess and the hands of God are holding you. This is your place of clarity – where even if you feel no clarity is coming or present, know that it will, because it will. Because rivers always flow to sea, and you are the sea.
Every time you feel drained or your thoughts run wild kilometers and years ahead, close your eyes – go to your water well, your pond, your lake, your waterfall. Breathe in, breathe out. There is nothing to think, nothing to do. There, is trust. Pray there with dance, with song, with lyrics. Lay your body on the green grass, smell the flowers, play with the animals. Decorate yourself with shells and crystals and flower petals. Feel your body – feel your fingers, your feet, your arms and hands. Feel your feelings and where they feel on your body. How does worry feel like – where on your body do you feel it? How does happiness feel like – where on your body do you feel it?
In your secret place you should always ask yourself: how do you feel? What makes you feel happy? What excites you? What excites you which you haven’t done in a while? How does love feel like, how does being loved feel like, where do you feel that? What do you want, what do you need? What do you desire? Your sacred secret place is only for you – it is your place of connection and where you retain your full self.
In the beautiful story about Changing Woman and her husband the Sun that was told to me by a Navajo woman, and you can read it all in my article Changing Woman: Exploring the Woman’s Need to Retain Herself in Intimate Relationships, we see how despite how much she loved her husband, she needed her free alone time in order to be more loving towards him. At first he sulked of course because he wanted her all the time only for himself, but then Changing Woman said to him:
“You are male and I am female. You are of the sky and I am of the earth. You are constant in your brightness, but I must change with the seasons. You move constantly at the edge of heaven, while I must be fixed in one place … Remember, as different as we are, we are of one spirit. As dissimilar as we are, you and I, we are of equal worth. As different as we are, there can be no harmony in the universe unless there is harmony between us. There is to be no more coming from me to you than there is from you to me.”
Having stability is one of the most important things for a woman – because otherwise she feels off balance. Of course external stability is needed – such as financially, emotionally and all that builds trust – provided by her partner. But she also needs to have some space within her where she can fully trust in her changing seasons – which gives her stable source of energy and connection to self – where water runs freely in its flowing yet the stones of the well give it stability. A woman needs to be rooted in her spiritual core, and it is her faith and connection to heart that allow her to do that. She needs to remember that it is okay not to know, not to do. She needs to remember her true power – that her power is the one that comes from her mere presence in everyone’s life – through her listening and through her loving heart – and that especially when she feels she isn’t “doing anything”, she actually is doing all she ever needed to do anyway. Because she is the stream towards everything, she is the bridge that allows all others to reach their high hearts also.
For more of my writings, browse through my Art of Love.
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Cover photography by Maxime Simoncelli.