A beautiful woman that I recently came across, shared her inspiring story about the time when many years ago she longed so deeply to have a child with her husband. She was a practical person, or in her own words, “one who constantly doubts and is highly unlikely to believe anything too unconventional or beyond the rational mind.” Until the day when doctors told her and her husband that they might never have a child. Devastated, and after a few days of ordering all self-help books on the internet, she called her mom asking her for the unthinkable last resort, “Mom, can you please consult your psychic whether I’d ever have a baby?”
Her mom went to the psychic right away. “Your daughter will have a child for sure,” the psychic said in a confident manner with a smile. “But – it will not happen right away. There is a particular spiritual lesson she needs to learn before then, which is only meant to make her the best mom. In the next year, she’d go through a journey, and the baby will eventually have a story that will be attached to its name. Don’t worry. I know these things.“
What followed was a difficult year of fertility treatments, constant fighting between her and her husband, and roller coaster periods between long sadness and little glipmses of hopes. Finally one day the doctors were ecstatic as the woman had shown some signs of improvement in her hormonal levels. “Look, considering your situation, this is as best as it’d get. We need to do IVF right away. It is expensive, it has a low chance of working, and not to pressure you or anything, but it’s now or never.”
The woman chose never. For the first time during that hard year, she had come to a sense of crystal clear clarity, as if a lightening bolt had just hit her in that moment. Her heart had finally settled itself into peace the moment she spoke her decision. And she walked out of the clinic with a new sense of empowerment. She realized that beyond her pressures to have a child the way she wanted it, and when she wanted it, they’d be throwing themselves into even more debt and pressure, and physical hardships that her body had already been through. She decided to just let God do its work. She let go of the hows and the whens. And that down the line, if they still couldn’t conceive naturally, then they’ll adopt.
Today she has a child. In fact, she has three, all naturally conceived and born. The first one was a girl – a girl named Faith. The faith she needed to have back then.
They say the hardest yet most important spiritual lesson we need to learn in this life is trust. And trust comes from faith – the thing that has its own timing, beyond our mind’s understanding, beyond the hands of our human made clocks. The timings there are unclockable by us, unstrikable by us; often unpredictable, shaped only in the elasticity of the cosmic fabrics. But there – life breathes, God breathes, all happens, which then comes through us, to breathe us into a beautiful singing violin.
No matter how many roads we build, concrete and straight, the pathways of our life are full of twists and curves, along our unique physical, emotional and spiritual wild lands, and only paved by the souls of our feet. Faith walks along these paths. And sometimes we just need to let go just a little bit, to leave some space for the miracle and magic of life to surprise us. And it will. It’s inevitable.
Of course we all want to know things. This is why we are so addicted to information, to categorizing, to planning, to organizing. It’s our human nature, our little attempts to have some control, to soothe ourselves in this uncertain and unknown place that we reside us called life. But we will never know it all; and we were never meant to know it all anyway. The humility of this deserves to be treasured. We let go of so many burdens that we carry when we exhale in unknowingness, and fall into the arms of trust that faith blesses us with. Perhaps sometimes our life is dreamt by a bigger dreamer than us.
If we can settle into the quiet corner of our heart, and listen, truly listen, we’ll hear: Don’t doubt.
Because as rivers flow to sea, what is will always be.
What you desire, desires you. It longs to be held in your loving hands, just as much as you’ve longed to hold it. Let it find you. It will. It’s inevitable.
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Cover art by Boyana Petkova.