Ballet serves as one of the most potent symbolisms of relationships. We see the complex nuances of the human connections – the love, the trust, the power dynamics and need for balance; and we see the key aspects of a strong and healthy relationship such as trust and support, communication. We see the ways relationships move through the various temperatures and landscapes.
In pas de deux, which is when two dancers partner on stage, we see the importance of trust and support. Immense trust is needed for pas de deux because each dancer relies heavily on the other for support during complex lifts, turns, and balances. This physical interdependence reminds us of the mutual support partners need to have a strong relationship.
We also see the communication – both the verbal and non verbal one. Dancers must communicate seamlessly through subtle physical cues and shared energy, often without words, to achieve harmony and unity on stage. This mirrors the essential role of both verbal and non-verbal communication in personal connections. Communication is not just about words, it is about all the in-betweens and subtle gestures and movements throughout our days.
It is the way we enter the room, the way we touch, and whether we are intentionally listening or staring at our phone when the other is speaking. It is about all the in-betweens that pile up such as the criticisms, eye rolling, emotional withdrawals, micro aggressions, neglect and disrespect. It is about the words we speak, but also whether our actions align with these words; can our partner trust our words or have our promises lost weight and don’t mean anything anymore.
Just as in ballet, to reach balance and harmony in relationships we need the synchronized and fluid movements, and we need to stay aligned in shared dedication, shared love and shared purpose. There’s you, there’s me, and then there’s the relationships, the “us” – a land shaped as your energies merge together and what you may create upon it. Like any land, the relationship too has its own unique soil, needs, desires, cycles and seasons and timings, and the potential for what may bloom and come into fruition. But it is a dance, always a dance, in the way we interact and interconnection.
Today I’ll share my insights on one of the aspects people fear or worry the most about in their synastry, which is Mars square Saturn. But please understand that astrology is relational, meaning that all depends on all else, and nothing is to be read as absolute. One aspect cannot be interpreted by itself, it depends on all else, and it depends on each person’s individual maturity and awareness level – their ability to self reflect and be accountable, their ability to feel empathy and compassion, their ability to listen and consider another person’s needs, their ability to respect and appreciate and resolve misunderstandings into peace, their willingness to invest, put in the effort and word on the relationship. The quality of your relationships correlates to your emotional maturity.
Criticism, neglect, indifference, defensiveness and stonewalling (which means emotional withdrawal or emotionally shutting down your partner) aren’t just small arguments, they are the behaviours that erode relationships – because they destroy connection, trust and intimacy. Disrespect and resentment follow closely after that, and contempt enters soon after. Once contempt has entered, things have already become very unhealthy.
Contempt is the single worst behaviour and state of dynamic between two people, because you are essentially dismissing and dehumanizing the other person, negating their worth and devaluing them. Contempt is a feeling or sense of superiority and disdain, which means you are feeling the other person is worthless or not worthy of your consideration.
All of these behaviours lead to emotional distance, lack of trust and feeling like we don’t matter to another person anymore, ultimately causing intimacy and connection to fade away.
In synastry, there isn’t one single aspect showing contempt, but there are certain aspects that show long term friction that may erode mutual trust and respect. Hard aspects such as squares and oppositions involving Saturn, Mars and Pluto are commonly associated to power imbalances, control dynamics and lack of empathy, and when it involves Mercury it can create harshness and communication breakdown, which can foster disdain.
Hard aspects between the Sun and Pluto, and Mars and Pluto especially, can foster contempt and resentment. Venus and Moon in hard aspects to someone’s Saturn or Pluto can also create lack of empathy and resentment; there can be emotional coldness, stonewalling, and feelings of superiority, making the other person feel unappreciated, unloved and constantly criticized or not good enough devaluing them or criticizing them. Twelfth house placements in synastry overlays can make someone feel like their needs aren’t being seen and they can feel dismissed or like you are not considering their needs.
But the truth is that any aspect, including the most harmonious ones with trines and sextiles can lead to contempt and destructive behaviours; this is because it essentially depends on the person’s individual character. A person with strong ego, selfishness, feelings of superiority and entitlement will often treat relationships as transactional and will often treat others with disdain and contempt. So my advice would be – focus on the actions, pay attention to the signs and let that guide you.
Mars square Saturn in synastry doesn’t by itself create contempt, but it can be a path towards that and many people fear this aspect. As I said, no single aspect breaks a relationship – it all comes down to the maturity level of each individual. But it is important to understand the dynamic, rather than fear it or project upon it or go down the rabbit hole of self fulfilling prophecies. Let’s dive in.
Ballet néerlandais, spectacle du Het Nederlands Ballet / photographies / Roger Pic 1960
Mars square Saturn in synastry
The first thing to understand is square aspects in astrology are about the feminine initiations, meaning that the path towards their balance, healing and harmony happens through the feminine energy and its balance. This means – softness, listening, compassion, empathy, flexibility, patience, gentleness, surrender and trust, humbleness, openness and willing to self reflect. Square aspects are about change, and with this particular one the change is a change in each person’s inner beliefs and perspectives, as well as change in how the partners react and approach one another.
The reason why Mars square Saturn aspects are difficult in synastry and why these relationships often don’t last isn’t necessarily because of the aspect itself but because the two partners aren’t willing to put in the effort needed to reach the balance and humble themselves in some harmony, thereby resolving the relationship into peace. There can be a lot of stubbornness, competition and provocation, as well as a lot of shoulds and “my way is the right way”. With this aspect, unrestrained will faces limitations.
There can be a lot of pettiness, impulsivity, immaturity, and potential for fighting, harsh words, disrespect and ego battles. This is an aspect of battling wills, and at some point, if you want to stay together in a healthy way, you will both need to put down the armours and choose love not fear or ego. Do you want to keep fighting for a solution together, or keep fighting against each other?
Initially, this aspect creates a lot of passion, because it’s a path of fire, depending on the rest of the synastry of course. The physical intimacy however, over time, can feel a little unfulfilling, and the reason is that there is often a difference of pace. When one other feels in the mood, the other doesn’t; when one is warm, the other is cold, and there can be emotional distance and withdrawals also. You will need to learn how to approach one another, and how to synchronize the pace and rhythm, and to also accept that sometimes you may just have different pacing, and that’s fine also. Let go of the “shoulds”.
The underlying reason of the tension in this dynamic is that each partner wants to prove themselves to the other, and often through sexual attraction. Mars wants to be more attractive to Saturn and prove its self worth to Saturn, and it usually wants to prove itself through sex, and yet Saturn sees Mars as a bit immature, childish, erratic and impulsive, which ends up making Mars feels worse and more resentful.
Saturn often times becomes the “shoulds” in a relationship, and the more Mars pushes being impulsive and immature, the more Saturn puts the brakes on it; and at the same time, the more rigid Saturn acts, the more annoyed Mars becomes and wants to shake things up.
Because Saturn is a slow moving planet, this aspect manifests usually later in the relationship when the two partners are feeling more comfortable with each other. Frustration and tension builds up over time, and if unresolved, resentment and anger builds up also; and it can build up for years and years, until it finally bursts out quite unpleasantly. It is important to address and resolve any underlying issues or conflicts between the two of you with maturity, compassion and patience.
The reason why these relationships show up is because most likely you have this in your natal chart – so the first thing is to check what aspects you have between your Mars and Saturn; or perhaps you are going through such transit, so it’s mirroring what you need to be learning.
If you have this in your natal chart, this relationship is helping you bring into awareness your own inner tension and Mars-Saturn inner relationship, so that you can resolve and heal it. Squares are very difficult to work through, because we can have a lot of blindspots about them as they are inner tensions, and this is why if you have natal squares they will often be reflected in your personal relationships and synastry.
What Saturn needs to be learning through this dynamic is to be more open, more flexible in its own inner ideas, conditions and perhaps a bit more trusting. What Mars needs to be learning is to be gentler, more mature and more considerate of its actions, not to be so rash, obsessive and impulsive.
On some level, both are facing their maturity, and each will make their decision whether this relationship is something that aligns to where they are in life or not. Some people may find their belief about love is that it’s drama, fighting, lust; others will face the consequences of their impulsivity, words and actions; and others will realize they don’t want to be in yet another childish dynamic and come into deeper self worth and confidence. And then there are those who do love each other, and come to an understanding that “yes, we have love, but there are real issues we need to work through”, and then the work begins with mutual effort.
A client of mine has this aspect with her boyfriend, but she also has this aspect in her own chart. And it isn’t just one sided, because in their synastry both of their Saturns are aspecting the other’s Mars. But this is actually better, because now the power dynamic is a bit more balanced.
Her relationship began during a Saturn transit, and the synastry itself had Saturn with the South Node conjunction, which further emphasized the importance of this connection for her spiritual growth. Mainly, this is about her reclaiming her power, but it is also about moving into mutual acceptance within her relationship. She was so worried about this aspect, and fearing it, and yet she had this within her own natal chart; so it was about learning to soften and harmonized her own inner relationship to both her Mars and her Saturn within. Mars square Saturn in synastry creates a battle of wills, and with her Saturn return approaching in a few years, this relationship serves a greater purpose to prepare her for this karmic release.
Mars-Saturn aspects invite us to be more mature. Saturn is about “shoulds”, while Mars can get a bit immature and obsessive, so deep acceptance of one another is needed. Saturn needs to be more flexible and mindful of criticism, while Mars needs to be more patient and considerate. There is often a difference of pacing between the partners, so when one is in the mood to go forward, the other one isn’t. This creates frustration and affects their intimacy also, but again, the lesson here, for both partners, is to be more mindful of their “shoulds and musts”, and learn some acceptance.
With these aspects you need to look at your communication styles and be more compassionate and attentive to one another. Again, to path to this healing is through the feminine energy balance – where instead of pushing each other, or provoking or forcing or being stubborn, you relax the grip a little, and become softer. There’s some surrender needed here also, because you are not here to change or fix one another, you are meant to accept each other. Surrender is a certain kind of posture, and humility is also. Entitlement and superiority will not lead you anymore good, and neither will emotional withdrawing or stonewalling.
With this aspect it is important to show each other continuously that you care, you are present, you appreciate and love each other, and to create a space in which you can honestly share how you feel. If you feel the other will judge and criticize you, because they keep doing this each time you open up, obviously you will no longer want to share. There can be a lot of subtle communications here in the way you move, enter the room, make facial expressions, so be mindful.
Reflect on your ideas about what love means, because a lot of people with these aspects have Pluto or Moon hard aspects also, or Venus, so the impulsivity and “shoulds and musts” and controlling behaviours usually stem from your ideas about how love should be and how the other should act. With any Mars hard aspects it is important to be mindful of our impulsivity – of focus on responding more than reacting.
If tension builds and you feel an argument brewing, you can let your partner know you need to some time to cool off because you feel that at the moment you cannot give the conversation the time and attention it deserves and needs; and at the same time, you too need to respect when your partner needs that time rather than pushing for things to keep going when obviously you are neither calm anymore. However, after you’ve taken the time and you’ve said that you’ll come to the conversation, you need to stay true to your word and come back. Otherwise trust will be lost.
When Mars square Saturn aspects show up in our synastry, it is an invitation for us to reflect on our ideas and beliefs. We need to face within ourselves our own limitations and seek to release ourselves from what holds us back. Through the battle of wills, what the partners are subconsciously seeking is to pull the rubber band so much so that it finally breaks, the pressure is released, and they’ve become more flexible. They are seeking to soften. They are seeking to open their worlds, but the only way to open is to make space – and to make space, you need to dissolve some walls of inner restriction.
Mars and Saturn aspects usually have a lot of will power, but also endurance; so doing physical things together, like exercising or taking walks is helpful. Being around water is also good, and perhaps dancing together, listening to music, moving slower sometimes. Not all needs to be hurried in life; learn the way of water to balance this energy. Focus on common goals and shared purpose and vision, where you can build great things together! If you focus on fighting for something, rather than fighting against each other, you can channel that fire intentionally and purposefully towards creating and building amazing things. Perhaps even some social causes can unite you. Learn from one another because there is a lot of learn, a lot of wisdoms and hidden treasures just like all relationships in our life offers us.
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Cover art: Ballet néerlandais, spectacle du Het Nederlands Ballet / photographies / Roger Pic 1960.
