Feminine energy is like water – it flows with ease. When we are aligned to our feminine energy, and flow through it, our life moves more easily and naturally, and our bodies too feel more calmness, joy and emotional balance. Think of water: when it comes across a brick wall, it doesn’t take out a sledge hammer, it gently and gracefully finds the natural flow without resistance, perhaps through a crack or around the angle of the wall. The feminine is a belly dancer – in mysticism and seductive veils she knows how to twist and turn, with grace and tenderness it moves in a way that she becomes the dance itself pulling everything towards her. Feminine energy is like a cat – feline movements and light steps, gracefully and gently, twisting its body along and around the corners of the room; and a knowing how to be calm, relaxed, in pleasure and in confidence even when it doesn’t “do” anything.
Feminine energy is a natural cleanser, balancer, and it attracts; and this is why you’ll see many cultures in which the communities prioritize women being happy and having their alone time, because when a woman feels good she attracts wealth to the whole community through her energy. Even when a woman doesn’t “do” anything, she just sits there in the room, her mere presence harmonizes, and through her field she cleanses the negative energy of those around her. Because of this however, she then needs a lot of time for herself to cleanse and reconnect to herself, and in many Native cultures, each day the men would take care of all chores and children for a little bit, so that the women of the tribe can have some me-time doing whatever pleases them.
Masculinity is earned, while femininity is to be protected. When you have little girls, you need to shower them with affection, nurturing and encouragement as a woman needs to learn to receive, and then through that love within be able to nurture others also. And when you have little boys, you need to of course shower them with affection also, but you need to understand that a boy matures to be a man through the initiatory pathway of solving problems and going through obstacles. This is how a boy gains self confidence, as masculine energy is in its healthy manifestation when it knows how to face things directly, provide, achieve and get things done through his own efforts, courage and initiation – when he knows he can offer something and provide for his loved ones. A man needs to feel needed, and that he is contributing, and sometimes even asking him to help or fix something around the house will help him feel more confident and get him out of an emotional rut.
When little, it can helpful for a boy to play with his Lego, build things, fix things, and if he likes sports, that’s great as he’ll be developing his skills, confidence and perseverance, learning to push past boundaries and challenge himself. You might even notice how little boys are attracted to stories when the knight fights the dragon – and that’s a reflection of their psyche preparing itself for the maturation of manhood, which is about facing their inner fears (i.e. the dragon) and conquering them head on. A boy learns his self worth through the doing – it is through being involved directly in the action way of life.
On the other hand, feminine energy flows with ease, where it flows naturally, creatively, freely and intuitively. It is not meant to strive constantly and push brick walls all the time, nor go through the pressure cooker or climbing mountains continuously. A woman is meant to connect to the abundance that flows within her, and trust her own inner flow. A woman is meant to experience pleasure and live through joy, beauty and emotional happiness, so that she can then nurture that within her and express it even more fully towards others, and create even more beauty, love and inspiration in the world. Out of that inner self connection, she can then be more present for others and guide and support them as they need to.
A girl learns her self worth through how she receives – love, affection, encouragement, support. Feminine energy is yin i.e. it receives, and then amplifies. Whatever she learns to receive is what she will allow in adulthood and amplify, and sustain in her life. On average, and in comparison to boys, girls may often have a lot of adult sized worries in child sized bodies and emotions; and girls needs to focus on their inner selves and develop more trust, which we help them do through some stability. This stability then soothes them to open up their creativity and connect to their inner selves rather than be externally focused all the time.
If you have a little girl, encourage her all the time; even if her painting is not the most beautiful in your eyes, it doesn’t matter, say something beautiful about it and let her explore it on her own. This way she will learn to focus her attention within freely without criticism, and learn how she can make and create things, following her own inner guidance. Encourage her and guide her how to listen to her body and feelings, and she will naturally find her way through her inner trust and connection. A woman needs to know herself and what she feels and what she wants, otherwise she will make choices that don’t make her feel good and continue to allow everything and everyone in her space and life even when she doesn‘t want them.
Masculine energy is yang, it is fire, and fire learns how to channel itself through discipline otherwise it’ll burn in all directions without purpose. Masculine energy needs to learn self control, integrity, self accountability – and to flow in intentional action, otherwise fire burns itself and others without direction. And feminine energy is yin, it is water, it needs the freedom to flow with ease. Yin energy needs to feel connected to feeling, emotion and the body. You do not tell water where to go, it knows where to go in its current and waves when it doesn’t feel pressured or restrained or limited. When a woman is pushed to live against her true essence and natural flow, she begins to feel disconnected, her energy contracts and she doesn’t feel well.
A girl needs to experiment and find out on her own what she loves and enjoys, rather than staying focused on others’ expectations or opinions, and thereby trying to please them, which will make her a people pleaser in adulthood. Through learning in her own way, as you encourage her own connection to self, she will then feel more confident in adulthood to discern and choose what she loves and what she doesn’t, and what to choose out of all available in front of her.
A woman needs to learn to trust life, that life flows through her and will provide for her. A woman needs to understand the power that she holds in her love, natural flow and creative abilities – and that manifestation and creative energy continuously flows through her. When she knows this inner world and inner abundance, she grows in self knowledge, understand the responsibility of her own energy and the wisdom she keeps, and is then better able to guide and support and love those around her.
Often times however women might be harder on their girl children than boy children, and this is usually because they are projecting their own unhealed feminine aspects. Often they tend to overly-mother their boys, while being too critical or expecting too much of their girls. This makes the boys not mature properly, remain in boy psychology, which then affects their intimate relationships in life; they often look for another “mother” rather than wife, and do not know how to step into their healthy masculine power, and build truly meaningful relationships and families. As for the girls – they may then grow up to become women who might be really self critical and focused on over-achieving to prove their worth in adulthood; or becoming people pleasing believing that the emotional needs of others come before hers.
A woman needs to know that her needs matter, and that she cannot take care of others unless she has taken care of herself. And when she doesn’t feel good enough, or she hasn’t learned how to receive the nurturing, true love and affection that she deserves, she then chooses partners not of clarity of mind but rather those who aren’t good for her nor fulfilling her emotionally.
When we are truly in our feminine energy, we feel aligned, healthy and our life flows more easily, we create more beauty and manifest more naturally, and we are also better able to be truly there for others through our love and nourished emotional wells within us. So today, let’s go through some ways to increase or reconnect to your feminine energy:
Ways to Flow in Your Feminine Energy
To connect to the easy flow of feminine energy, the most immediate way is water! Take a shower, drink a lot of water during the day (also tea, or incorporating soups in your diet), and baths are amazing also. Bathing is a lovely way to connect to your feminine energy and awaken it, which is why it has always been the way of the feminine through history. It relaxes our nervous system and reconnect us to our body and senses. You can also go to pools, water spas, the sea and the beach; or even just hearing the flow of waves can be soothing. The sea reminds us of our easy flow within and without, and as women we too go through waves, tides, and yet all is as it should.
Do what you love, do what pleases you
The sacral chakra or space is our most important one, and it is the portal of that feminine creative energy, so we need to be connected to it. A woman needs to do what she loves – and focus her attention on her desires and what gives her joy. We need to know how to say what we want, and then focus on it. Whenever you feel stressed, shift your energy towards something that gives you joy even if only for a little bit daily. When you feel good, all else will flow more easily, and you’ll have more energy circulating within you so that you can then give to others also. You are not doing anyone any favours by negating your needs, desires and joy. You need to follow that joy within you – follow that gut feeling and sacral desire, and go where it feels good. If it feels good, do it; if it doesn’t, don’t or at least, not yet until it does feel good. If you don’t know what you love and enjoy yet, try out different things, experiment through your senses, and don’t force yourself to like something or do something that you don’t want.
A woman needs to feel connected to her creative energy, and our creativity speaks the language of pleasure, and joy, which is also the language of our heart. When a woman does what she loves, and what pleases her, she is able to create more beautifully and make love through everything she expresses externally. Often times it is hard for us as women to do what we want or focus on our needs, so it is important to prioritize that; and not feel guilty about our own wishes and desires. If you are currently working a job you don’t love, and you are not able to change that, start with little steps: focus on a side hobby that gives you pleasure, and perhaps start looking at different jobs to apply to that may be more aligned to what you want. When you feel connected to your passions, you’ll attract and create more abundance in your life overall. Do only what pleases you.
Emotional expression, vulnerability and connection
Being connected to our emotions is really important and it is what aligns us to love and feeling. Feeling our feelings is an art we must all know; feelings are like water and need to flow so that our bodies too move in more flexibility. Being vulnerable is how we connect and build intimacy, though vulnerability is a gift to be shared only with those we trust and love. In relationships, for a woman to feel truly fulfilled she needs to connect to her beloved on a deep emotional level; and this is what will open her up in her full sensuality and sexuality also. Trust is crucial, because there cannot be vulnerability without trust and we cannot build a relationship without trust.
To connect to your emotional expression, poetry and handwriting are amazing, and so are art, singing, dance, water and movement. Being discerning in choosing intimate partners and friendships can make all the difference because this creates our environment and how we feel about our own selves also. A woman needs to feel emotionally connected to what she does and to the people in her life because this is how she loves more deeply. Our sacral energy is all about feelings, emotions, joy, creativity, vulnerability, sensuality and love, so don’t be afraid to be more vulnerable and let others know when you need help and support also. Whether they help or not is their business, and if they do not, at least you’ll know not to invest in them emotionally neither and make better decisions and choices regarding whom you surround yourself with.
Beauty and cleanliness
Ruled by Venus, feminine energy is about beauty in all shapes and forms. Beauty of words, language, design, art, fabrics and way of life. Window browse through the malls and let your eyes take in new beauty and inspiration. You can also redecorate your home or just reorganize it to move the energy around. Buy yourself some flowers, or paint something to frame as art, or just reorganize your closet and perhaps donate some clothes to shelters and charities. Take care of your possessions because they are things that help you and contribute to the beauty you experience and comfort of your home, and are essentially things you invested into. You don’t have to spend money to beautify your home or yourself, just get creative.
Cleanliness is really important and sometimes all we need to do is clean our floors in the morning to get in our flow for the rest of the day. Ironing is great, do your laundry and get rid of clutter. Our external space is an extension of our inner space, so when we keep it clean, beautiful and tidy, we feel greater peace within. Sometimes just putting on some makeup at home to experiment with creative colour palettes, or putting on a dress or nice fabrics in our house can change our mood and connect us to some pleasure and creativity.
Body and hands
Feminine energy is very embodied energy, so a woman needs to connect to her senses and her body needs to feel wholly calmed, which will also regulate her nervous system. Massages and saunas can be great, and just massaging your body by yourself or your feet before bedtime can ground and relax you. Movement of your hips and thighs is especially important for a woman, so you can massage your thighs or just do some exercises moving your hips – walking or dancing.
The hands are most important – so to connect to or increase your feminine energy focus on doing something with your hands. Cooking, gardening, painting, sewing and weaving, polishing your nails, and handwriting are amazing. Feminine practices always focused on handwriting, because this is a beautiful skill to learn connecting us to our creative expression and emotions, but it is also increased feminine flow of energy. When we write with a pen or pencil, our body more directly connects and aligns to and feels the twists and movements of the emotions and thoughts we attempt to shape through the words. Engage your hands as much as possible through the day, and even just by cooking and touching the foods can be soothing. Touching fabrics and textures are great also.
Graceful speech and movements
Feminine energy needs to speak beauty and love, so stay away from too much profanity and gossiping. Have integrity and don’t speak badly about people behind their back, and avoid being mean and screaming; learn to navigate through conflict and misunderstanding delicately while still expressing your views, and focusing on creating understanding rather than perpetuating fighting for no reason. As much as there should be grace in our movements, as if we are not only dancers dancing the streets, but the dance itself moving through us, we also need to have grace in our speech and self expression. Learn beautiful words, develop your written and speaking skills, and express love through your tongue and lips. Learning or just listening to foreign languages can be soothing also, as you can feel more sound and rhythm in the way lyrics and words flow even when you don’t understand them. And of course, learning anything new opens our mind for more creative ideas to flow through.
For graceful body movements you can try dancing, swimming, or walking out in nature daily. Remember that water flows with ease, and doesn’t take out hammers when it sees a brick wall in front of it – it surrounds us and re-aligns itself in its natural flow, and with the patience and kindness of rhythm.
Asking for help, support and knowing to receive
Surely women are often very strong and self sufficient, but even then, we must know how to delegate tasks so that we can focus our energy where it needs to be most. You don’t have to do it all and there is nothing to prove. You are here to know to receive also, so when someone offers you something of value and that you like and are attracted to, receive it, it is yours to have. Discern where your energy may go, and delegate the tasks asking for help if there is something that will save you from additional unneeded stress.
For energy and life force to flow in healthy ways, there needs to be equivalent exchange of energy – which means, it isn’t about giving, giving, giving, you need to receive as well, whether financially, emotionally or spiritually. Don’t spread yourself thin if you are not receiving validation, recognition and appreciation for your work; and avoid doing “free work” for long unless it is charity or clearly stated as pro bono within boundaries, because you’ll be left feeling drained or people will take advantage of your kindness and generosity. Value your time and energy, because your energy itself is what feeds people. Price your services as an entrepreneur and know your worth. Life thrives in interdependence, and relationships too are about giving and receiving. Any imbalance leads to disconnection and affects our physical wellbeing also. And do not ever settle for anything or anyone that doesn’t contribute to your comfort, joy and emotional happiness.
Alone time and self reflection
Know thyself and know the earth were the first lessons of women back in the day and in the mystery schools. The feminine is the keeper of all wisdom, and through that, she can then guide others supporting them on their path. But with great wisdom and power comes great responsibility – which is in that she needs to know herself. Whatever she allows will often prevail, and unless she knows herself and what she wants, she may be making decisions not of clarity of mind nor discernment. A woman needs to know herself and I cannot stress this enough; spend time in self reflection and reconnect to yourself as this is important for your overall health and wellbeing. Only when we know who we are can we sense who we are not, and what is not in alignment to our true self.
Cultivate imagination and spend lovely time daydreaming as these open your creative energy. Spend time in nature, or just do whatever pleases you each day having some me-time; even if it is taking a bath which gives you time to relax do that. Prayer and meditation are beautiful as well, especially prayer because prayer itself is a way of connection – it gives us a sense of release of control and surrender, and builds our bridge to trust and faith. And when choosing a partner, choose wisely and of discernment; focus on how you feel with him and what is good for you, because choosing a partner isn’t merely about a man, it is about the kind of life we’ll live, in togetherness. Know your needs, know thyself.
Strong spiritual core and faith
A woman needs to have a strong spiritual core within her, and stay in faith and in trust. Prayer is one of the most powerful ways in which she can remain in the openness, trust and surrender which her true nature needs. Prayer opens her, and builds a bridge towards God with trust and love, and she falls into the surrender that she is never alone, and that she will be held by hands that will never let her fall.
Often times in our modern world, as women we have to harden up, be self reliant and do it all by ourselves; and during times of instability, our grips tighten even more, and sometimes we even forget what it feels like to let go of control, just release it all, and trust that life itself will hold us. Prayer helps us remember that and puts us lovingly back in this place, which is our natural one. Give your worries in the hands of God, build a spiritual core within you that is of unshakeable and unbreakable faith. This faith will hold you through it all.
Every woman has a sacred secret water well inside of her. Go to the place, for this place is only for you. Of this water well you need to soothe yourself for only then you’ll be able to give to others. Keep that water well sacred and secret only to you, go there whenever you need to, drink and dance and play around that well – and nourish that cup of love. There, all is always of clarity of mind, purity of heart, and of unshakeable trust and faith that all is going to be okay.
Charity is a virtue, just as patience, and it one of the most important feminine aspects. The feminine nurtures and loves, and takes care of. Often times when a woman feels disconnected from her feminine energy and is too work oriented or success or materially oriented, she needs to invest her time in helping others more. Whether it is through volunteering, charity, or helping the elderly in her community, this connects women to their nurturing side and increases their ability to nurture. It is natural for a woman to involve herself in more humanitarian pursuits, and help people and wildlife, even little animals in the park; but I often find that in the Western world these are a bit more uncommon because it is more of a success and materially-focused society. So to increase your feminine energy, align to the generosity, charity and selflessness aspect within you. Helping others, and sharing yourself and your skills with others, are soothing and purposeful; and you grow and mature through generosity and helpfulness.
Devotion is the veil through which awareness shows its beautiful face, and devotion is the pathway of our heart space and chakra. Devotion isn’t just religious or spiritual, it is in our every day tending to another. The feminine is generous and selfless, and knows how to take care of others. And loving truly others means you know how to love truly yourself also.
For more of my writings, browse through my Art of Love.
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Cover art by Vicente Romero Redondo, 2010, via Wikimedia Commons. The artist’s official website is at vicenteromeroredondo.com