We yearn for union and togetherness. Everything in life is a relationship. And we are capable of loving everything when we spend time with it. Even confined to a room, we will build intimacy with that room. This life is about interdependence and interconnection, so we are meant to learn to love one another as humanity and through those relationships we are given the opportunity for a deepening. It is a deepening of self knowledge and of the togetherness that unites us; it is a hand holding another hand, and then a knowing not of flesh but through the flesh of that which will always unite us.
Love gives our experience weight and meaning. On a deep level, we are always seeking togetherness because we come from union – and so there is always that internal yearning. And we will always long to connect to someone or something. The world moves for love, we too move for love.
And while love is that which moves our body, love is not air, love is like bread – it needs to be made and remade each morning, each day, made anew. We are meant to embody love through our every day words, hands and ordinary gestures, along the circling staircases of life – this is what shapes it and forms it into the power that it is, moving us, being us.
We all want to love and to be loved. We yearn to connect to one another. We want to make love, give love, and receive love. And when we feel its absence, all else seems kind of flat.
We are here to learn to love and learn to have meaningful and harmonious relationships; to learn about the inter-dependence that life is and to embody love in our every day human relationships – because the divine speaks through the human hands and we need to stay in the humility of the importance of togetherness, support and compassion. We are here to live a life of living in love.
Living in love is to show up, share and connect in meaningful ways, and it often moves through …
… words.
Our voice matters, our words matter, and we speak love and sweetness. We walk a kindness of rhythm, and we speak our love and share our feelings. We open up. We show up. We share our dreams, desires, thoughts, inspirations. We connect – we build bridges through our open and honest sharing.
… intentional listening.
We listen. We listen with intention and with presence; and we listen to what the other actually says and shares, not what we want to hear or project upon. We listen with openness, compassion and non-judgment; we listen with an open mind, curiosity and the desire to explore and learn the unique world of another person. We listen with grace. Understanding requires deep intentional listening.
… touch.
Hand holding on another’s hand, holding on holding strong. We support and we stay tender; because our tenderness is meant to be shared with those we love. A gentle touch, a tight hug, a long kiss, a supportive hand, a massage to release their burdens, mean the world of love.
… presence and attention.
We show up and we notice, truly notice. We give them our attention and our full presence, emotionally, mentally and physically. We see behind their smiling eyes that they might be worried. We are dedicated to re-exploring, re-learning and re-discovering our partner. We give them what they need rather than what we want or think they need. Holding the safe space for someone to be their true self is the best gift of love we can give.
… a smile.
These twinkles in our eyes are what connect us, always. A smile warms our hearts and can make a big difference to our day and mood, and to the day of the one who receives our smile. A smile makes us feel more open and connected, and sometimes a smile can make our entire day, making us feel seen, warmed and appreciated, no matter if we are mere strangers passing each other on the street, or the cashier at the store, a smile can make a big positive impact.
… playfulness and laughter.
Love is about freedom, and when we laugh with someone and are playful this means we trust them enough to feel free with them and share with them our softer pure innocent child-like side. When we can be playful with someone we are open to them to give and to receive; when we laugh, our body too has softened and relax to be with them; and it is this softening and openness where love resides in its natural state of freedom.
… honouring.
We may honour someone by publicly saying how important they are to us, and how much we treasure them. We may honour a person with special gifts, flowers, or a position.
… respect and trust.
Love resides in trust and respect. Trust is the ability to rely on someone who will act in our best interest; be trustworthy and respect those who have trusted you. We show respect by protecting people’s true self expression, privacy and integrity, and we show our trustworthiness by consistency and empathy. Trust takes time to build, is easily broken and almost impossible to ever fully repair.
… encouragement and support.
We all need to feel supported. Where there is something we can do, no matter how small we think it is, we must do it. It can be a compliment, words of encouragement, leaving likes and reviews, and saying what we like about someone’s work. We might think it wouldn’t matter – but I assure you, support and encouragement always matter.
… acknowledgment and recognition.
We may acknowledge a person by greeting them, by asking how they feel, and by saying “good morning” and “good night”. We may acknowledge them by recognizing their abilities, creativity, talent, beauty, and achievements. This witnessing changes their reality and empowers them; it makes them feel seen and appreciated. The observer influences the observed – this is why it is absolutely crucial to surround ourselves with people who truly support us, encourage us and see the best in us. We show love by witnessing, recognizing and acknowledging people’s brightest beingness.
… dance.
Turn on the music and dance. Dance is the only creative expression which can never be done in a contracted body posture, i.e. sadness is never possible with dance. We open a new channel, a new experience, a new energy through dance which cannot be accessed otherwise; we are both completely free and completely in our body. There is simultaneously surrender, freedom and embodiment which connects us deeper to our true self: love. This is how the energy of great lovers connects and deeply bonds.
… service.
When we do acts of service and kindness, we feel purposeful and we feel more love. It doesn’t have to be extraordinary; the little acts carry big weights. You never know if a simple “you inspire me” was what a person needed to hear that day to feel better. Making tea, cleaning the house, ironing their shirts, tidying up the house, are all ways to connect and show love to one another.
Too shy to love?
Sometimes we are too shy to smile or greet or express our feelings. Expressing ourselves can make us feel vulnerable because there’s always the risk of rejection or not being returned the same gestures. But vulnerability and opening our heart are the only ways to love; they are the first steps required if we want to open the doors of love and to love. And other times we may be hesitating to always smile and greet and be in service, or we may just need some space and that’s okay.
What we must remember though is that we should never ignore people – this is the opposite of love. And when it is done purposefully with the intention to hurt someone – this is a form of emotional abuse.
In most programs of the Marine Corps one of the basic health and wellbeing education training teaches all people to always smile and nod when passing by someone, as ways to nurture mental health. This is because feeling ignored and unseen is incredibly disburbing psychologically and emotionally. It is also why parents should never be emotionally neglectful nor give the silent treatment to children because these create trauma in the child’s psyche, carried over into adulthood.
In some traditions around the world, the greatest gift of love, which is acknowledgment and recognition, is expressed through songs sung or played for another. Perhaps you can write a text message, handwrite a letter, or send a song to express your feelings or show that you are thinking about them when you are too shy.
Living in love is like living life like a prayer.
Prayer is a hug or a meal cooked. Prayer is helping someone even when they didn’t ask and asking them “how are you?”. Prayer is when we encourage someone or say “good night”. Prayer is a natural state of being, when we are fully present for someone, when we give someone our time and energy, even if all we did was listen to them. It is a vibration, a feeling, a thought, a voice of love and an expression of our silent being. While we pray all the time, it is often unintentional because we are not aware of it.
Prayer is sense of openness, surrender, trust and acceptance. Prayer is like love.
So to live life like a prayer means to live intentionally, to live in love, being fully present. What if we are consciously and intentionally grateful for every person and everything continuously, daily? What if we dedicate ourselves to lovingness, compassion and mercy? This allows us to be more receptive to all the beauty that life already is, as it unfolds before our eyes – rather than wonder around, away from the present moments and perpetuating separateness.
A love that pays attention is a love that is alive. Love is about acceptance.
Love says:
I want you to be. I want every moment for you. I want every day for you. I love your mere existence in my life, as it is, as it be. I love the miracle that you are. I love the being that you are. I love the simple perfection of being here beside you.
We are all lovers. We are all mystics exploring the layers of our existence and one another. There is always something or someone that we hold precious, that we call our beloved, that is no less than a miracle.
Lean into love. Live in love.
Show up. Share. Connect.
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For more of my writings, browse through my Art of Love.
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Cover art by Pierre-Auguste Renoir.
