~ in the you of you is the me of me, in us of us is love ~
As a significator of love and relationships, Venus often shows us how she’ll bless us through the relationships we experience in life and the gifts we’ll receive through what we commit to. If you look at her symbol though – you will see her as a circle with cross – which shows a kind of transcendence of the physical; in other words, her gifts may not be as tangible or visible, at least not immediately, and as such, we need to deepen in our understanding and spiritual maturity to fully realize her. At first sight, you may think a relationship is ughh, but looking back, you may come into the deepening of how valuable it’s been and what you learned from it. What was its higher purpose, how did it help you along your soul’s purpose?
Everything in life is a relationship, and we are in a continuous relationship with all and everything. No one is ever actually “single” – even monks and nuns are not single, as they are in a relationship to their faith and with all others in the monastery. They can’t just leave when they don’t like another person, they need to settle the relationship into peace and work through things together.
So the first thing to understand about the consciousness of Venus is that she is about relationship to all and everything; and the one relationship that we are always in is the one with our selves – our body is the companion to our soul, it is the marriage of flesh and soul, and it is a vow and commitment. Anything else is an extension of this. As such, Venus’ first gift to us is a deepening of self.
We deepen in self knowledge through relationships with others, and this is why the purpose of relationships is an opportunity for a deepening. Venus rules the 2nd house of what we value and how we feel about ourselves, and what we are willing to accept in our life based on our inner values.
To understand anything in life we must also understand its opposite – and here it is the 8th house of intimacy and what happens after the commitment made to another person. The 8th house is the merging of paths, soul vows in this merging and the dissolution of boundaries. This is a house of spiritual and emotional intimacy, and whatever hidden parts of ourselves we have will come to the surface for us to look at. This is the house where love peels the layers of ourselves, so that our true fragrance is released – and this is what love and intimacy do, because love is a peeler. False identities, masks, conditioning, judgments, all these will peel off, so that we face ourselves in truth of who we actually are.
Ultimately, the higher purpose of relationships is to show us who we are – to bring us into more authenticity, so that we learn to love.
In spiritual astrology I often describe Venus as a body in a dream state – how it gently moves through the night to put itself into more comfort and balance. This shows us that Venus is that which brings into balance all that isn’t yet. It also shows us that balance is not static, it is dynamic and ever moving.
In relationships, all will move to balance itself; when one partner moves to one extreme, the other will move to the opposite. Like the sea, sometimes one partner will be on a big wave, and the other will the hands holding them with stability; and then vice versa. Through these waves, and how we show up and engage and hold and unhold, we learn what the sea within which we are is.
It is you,
you beloved are the gift
in whom and through whom Venus moves, love breathes
and is embodied for others to see and soften into, and deepen into;
as the soul of the rose,
for even after we’ve unheld her petals,
her fragrance of sweetness, beauty and kindness still holds us,
and we may choose to touch others’ hands with it also.
In relationships and astrology, Venus is about reciprocity. If you have a water Venus or are attracted to the water signs, are you bringing water to the relationship? Or are you just there to collect water for yourself? Do you pour off of your water into the soil to nurture it, or do you just take water for yourself until the land becomes dry?
If you have a fire Venus, do you encourage, inspire and raise others, or do you seek to take the fire and adoration for yourself and fall into selfishness? How do you nurture other people’s flames?
If you have an earth Venus, how do you bring stability and support other’s need for stability? Are you reliable and reponsible, and how do you show up for others, how do you sustain them through your own sources? How deep and healthy are your roots?
If you have an air Venus, how do you bring clarity and kind wisdom of words, what kind of air do others breathe around you? Do they breathe air of judgment around you; or do you bring them an environment of freedom to express their unique selves? What movement and temperature do you bring; too fast to stay, too cold to breathe, so just flexible enough to nurture both of you?
The higher expression of Venus knows that to receive love it needs to give and be fully engaged, giving and allowing; and there is a self awareness to her, which is why she rules our sense of self worth, self value, and she knows that she is part of all around her, so she is considered of her surrounding. If she keeps all for herself and never gives, the land will dry, other people’s hearts will dry, all will dry and she with them eventually also.
Whatever you wish to receive you must give to others first. If you desire generous, are you generous? If you desire intimacy, are you open and vulnerable; how do you show your heart? Do you love only with the intention to receive?
In our natal chart, the placement of Venus in a house shows us where we may have the opportunity to show our love and express it. Venus will always ask you: how do you love?
For natives especially whose natal Venus is in a shadow house, such as their 7th house, they need to pay close attention to their self worth and self value, because they usually seek others to feel loved and worthy. In this case, Venus is giving them an opportunity to reflect on how much they love themselves by the kind of partners and friends and close circles they choose.
If someone has their natal Venus in the 3rd house, it is about letting love flowing through their words, creativity – because this shows many talents and gifts usually, and the love within their words and writing moves people’s hearts and may even be healing, if in connection with the 2nd lord, Moon, Mercury, Jupiter or atmakaraka.
To understand the movement of your Venus and your relationships, you must also understand her relationship to other planets in your chart. Aspects are essentially inner relationships. Squares and oppositions will ask of you more inner work and self reflection, otherwise tensions will arise and you may experience unfulfillment or conflicts until you look inward and do the inner work. Trines and sextiles are more harmonious and flowing in understanding, and may also serve to support or soften the squares and oppositions. Trines bind the elements and expand the energy, so there is intuitive understanding, for example, water makes more water and more depth and more intimacy. Sextiles also expand and can be seen as creative or more physical in manifestation, for example water feeds earth, so soil becomes moist and fertile for something new to be grown and bloom, and air feeds fire, so it becomes more powerful and far reaching.
Conjunctions are a marriage, and it depends on who is getting married here – is it a harmonious marriage or a turbulent one, is it a delusional one or soulmate one; so it depends on both the element, constellation, house and other aspects to it. In general, if Moon and Venus are conjunct, this is a most beautiful marriage blessing you with femininity and gentleness, a pleasurable and charming aura, and ability to get along with people, along with creativity and intuition. But you need to be mindful that because of this allowing and sweet energy of yours, you need to set clear boundaries with people, so that you don’t fall into people pleasing nor stay in relationships or friendships which don’t serve your highest good.
If the aspects involve Pluto, it is about doing inner work related to power and control dynamics, and facing your fears and deeper shadows, which may cause you to create deep attachments and fall into manipulation tendencies because you fear of losing someone. As you put on your inner detective hat, you may explore all hidden things within your soil, and bring compassion and light to the unacknowledged things, hidden things, undealt-with things, and as you do that, you will come into a deeper inner marriage and exprience your relationships in healthier ways. As this inner relationship heals, your gift of love to the world may be that you support and understands others through their hard times and transformations.
If the aspects involve Neptune, be mindful of illusion and self deception; disillusionment will be a lesson for you, but it is a good thing because true love may only happen after disillusionment. Try to learn from your experiences and understand love at a deeper and more authentic level. As this inner relationship heals, your gift of love to the world may be beautiful art and creativity that seeks to inspire people to dream and reach higher by being more compassionate and inclusive towards all people.
Venus with the South Node aspects are essentially about acceptance and spiritual understanding of love, which means to detach from the physical ideas of what love and relationships should be. Here, you need to first let go of your ideas of physical desire and come into the “I don’t know”, and as you focus more on your spiritual development, and channeling your Venus into charity or helping others, you will feel more fulfilled in physical relationships also – but firstly, it is about deepening your selflessness and detaching from the physical desires. As this inner relationship heals, your gift of love to the world may be selflessness and fostering unity for all.
If Venus conjuncts your Moon, she gifts you the gift of emotional depth, nurturing and creativity. The Moon is our heart and deepest part of us, the most sacred and most private, so here is the gift of the private emotional lover’s cocoon, in which you will move in love and deep intimacy and sweetness. Creativity will be ever expanding through your merging with love, and here intimacy becomes all encompassing, physical, spiritual, emotional and intellectual. In turn, your gift to the world is your sweetness and ability to create beauty and understanding, as people feel loved in your presence and safe enough to be themselves, and you beautify all around you, as well as give it dimension and depth.
If Venus is conjunct or oppose your Jupiter, she gifts you the gift of wisdom and expansion; the expansion of knowledge, travels, reaching your hands across the borders that previously may have felt separative. It is a gift of wisdom and perhaps even the higher vision, and it is an expansion of self and the world also. In turn, your gift of love to the world is your generosity, higher vision and willingness to expand, learn and bring forth wisdom that others need.
If Venus is with Saturn, she gifts you the gift of learning the cycles of the land and what it takes to grow something into fruition. It is the gift of patience, work, dedication, responsibility, maturity and building stability in life – something that will last a long time, and offer stability to others also; but it is about having higher values and standards, which may mean that you take relationships more seriously or should be more discerning with choosing partners, and to be mindful of what relationship land you choose to stay in. In turn, your gift of love to the world is showing through your actions what long term relationships and commitment look like, the path towards fruition, and that even wine making takes time, but it is needed in order to taste the sweetness.
The gifts of Venus is that she allows you to learn to love. Initially, desire will move you; this is why the 7th house of partnerships is a house of desire and sits opposite our ascendant i.e. opposite us. But it is directly on our path – because the ascendant is the beginning of our path of life, and what leads us towards fulfilling our soul’s purpose.
As walk that path, often being driven by desire for the otherness, we ultimately realize that what we most truly desired all along was to come deeper into self knowledge – into our completeness. Because the otherness, is us, and we it, and of this a land is born: a land of love.
When we learn that what gives us happiness us to serve, and that in true love there is no selfishness because to give is our greatest pleasure, an inner marriage happens and come into the freedom that divine love is. And then everything suddenly becomes more beautiful.
Have you noticed? When in love everything is beautiful, and you become more gentle, softer and more compassionate; you become more willing to listen and to be a kinder person. This is what true love does to us as human beings, and when people live in love, they are able to see beauty everywhere and their hearts are open.
Some people learn to love through others and will need more relationships in life to help them peel the layers off their bark to release their true fragrance and ability to love; and others will come into this love through less relationships or even celibacy.
As I said in the beginning, everything is a relationship and we are in continuous relationship with all and everything. We are capable of building intimacy, i.e. dissolve the boundaries, with anything in life; devotion is the veil through which awareness shows its beautiful face. You can build intimacy and deepening of self through your art or devotional practice, and through all personal relationships in which you commit to fully, and this will transform you. And through this, another intimacy will unfold – the intimacy with the whole world, in which you are more open, more gentle, more generous to love, knowing how to love and give to another as if they are you – because truly, it is a part of you too.
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Cover art is by Vincent van Gogh, Almond blossom.
