Today we’ll talk about the flow of masculine and feminine energy within relationships; and I’ll then guide you through one of the most important aspects in synastry found with a simple Vedic technique called shtrii diirgha. Shtrii diirgha shows the right flow of energy and is also known as the respect aspect; it is seen through the lunar compatibility, the emotional worlds between two people, and the dynamic into which they may settle long term.
The right flow of energy shows respect and mutual fulfillment, and the reversed flow unfortunately becomes lack of respect over time. When people are made to live against the natural flow of their energy they end up with feelings of unworthiness, feeling unsupported and unappreciated, and unfortunately even feelings of resentment, disrespect and hurt enter into their bond. Before we move into the astrology, let us understand the masculine and feminine energies a bit deeper.
Love is a song of alchemy. The alchemical union between the water (yin) and fire (yang) symbolize the integration and unification of opposites. This unification and melting of each within the other is the binding process of love; the dissolution of boundaries is what creates the intimacy between two people, the merging that becomes after the melting of the contradictions and divisions. Two become one, and this becomes the land, the soil and soul, of the relationship.
Within each of us is a love union also, a sacred marriage between our masculine and feminine energies. In Shamanic astrology we see this beautifully portrayed also – for a woman, Venus represents the intent of her feminine energy and who she is expressing herself as, while her Mars is the development of her inner beloved, masculine expression and what she seeks and longs for and desires in a man. For a man, it is vice versa. When we are able to integrate the two in harmony, we marry them into our sacred marriage within, which is then more beautifully expressed externally also and reflected in our intimate relationships.
Love too has two aspects of its expression, the masculine and the feminine. The masculine aspect of love is the hands, the words, the prayer, the action, the seed, the intention, the saying of “I love you, I need you”. The feminine aspect of love is the pulling you in, the mystic, the healer, the desire, the quiet bottoms of the wells, the water and nature, the moon, the darkness, the moist soil, the longing, the yearning – and she waits to receive him.
Within relationships there will always be a balance between the masculine and the feminine energies, and when one partner goes to one extreme the other will go to the opposite – because there is always balance. The key for us to remember is that we need to understand the flow of this energy from one partner to the other, and the unique dynamics, which will help both partners find their harmony and deepen into their love sustaining their union long term in a way that is mutually fulfilling. Before we move to the synastry guides, let us just go understand the masculine and feminine energies a bit more.
Masculine energy is concerned with consciousness – direction, intention, action; it is the yang, the fire. Feminine energy is concerned with the unconscious, the flow of water, the intuitive and emotional realms – she is focused always on love.
The masculine practice is to be able to reach deep stillness, awareness and penetrative power over the present moment, which is done by providing leadership, direction, stability, safety, protection, emotional maturity and wisdom to his loved ones and partner.
The feminine practice is to be able to reach deep surrender, intuition and fully trust the flow of the continuous, invisible, infinite present moment, which is done by providing nourishment, emotion, feeling, aliveness, grace and tenderness. The feminine needs to trust the direction of the man, and this is what allows her to fall in his arms, into the stability of his energy, trust him and deepen into love – and open for him even more.
In this way we see the beautiful spiritual wisdom that the ancients knew: The higher purpose of man is to provide woman stability and protection for her and her children, and the higher purpose of woman is to guide man to his spiritual purpose and dharma and connection to God.
We can also express the flow of the energies through the symbolism of the sailor, the weather and the boat. The man is the sailor, the woman is the weather and the relationship is the boat. The boat can’t get anywhere without the harmonious dance of both the masculine and the feminine. We can have amazing leadership, but without the emotion and devotion, the relationship will get stuck. Eventually, someone will tire and leave or disconnect and resent.
On the other hand, we can have all the nurturing and feeling, but without a direction and initiative, the relationship will just become overwhelming and confusing or not even get off the ground. There will be plenty of love and passion, yes, but, without the safety to move forward, the outcome will be the same: leave or disconnect.
A beautiful balance comes when a man is able to enhance the she presence of love, by deeply commiting to his deep consciousness (i.e. intentional direction), and a woman is able to inspire the he presence through her deep commitment to fully surrendered love.
This means that a healthy masculine partner would be able to provide safety, security, stability and trust in his leadership through life. This creates the space for his partner to share more of her love, tenderness and openness. And a healthy feminine partner would allow another to feel seen, nurtured and understood, which would invite him to step into his direction, protection and conscious leadership. However – all of this implies that both are in that healthy mature vibration.
A man who has trouble leading his own life, providing, caring and being accountable to those around him, taking responsibility for his own emotions – is still in his little boy energy. This manifests as fear from intimacy, disconnection, emotional immaturity, irresponsibility, resentment, revenge, anger issues, controlling issues and etcetera, especially towards the feminine energy. In a way, he actually distrusts the masculine energy and denies himself of its higher expression. It all starts from childhood and his own relationship with his mother and/or father, and so every relationship becomes a repeated cycle of some early childhood dynamic.
A woman who has trouble letting go, trusting, feeling, loving, emotionally opening and just surrendering to love and intimacy, is in her unhealthy energy. This is usually because she grew up with an overbearing mother or a father who was unreliable or controlling. She grows up distrusting the feminine energy because of her parent’s weaknesses – and starts wearing the pants in relationships, repressing herself further, being aggressive or too masculine, or allowing another person to suppress her by making her feel unseen, unheard, etc.
So the first thing we do in synastry is to see how each partner relates to their own masculine and feminine energy. For women, we need to look at how she relates to her natal Moon and Venus, are they in feminine signs showing her naturally feminine nature and ability to receive and be emotionally open; and for men we look at their natal aspects to their Mars, Sun and Jupiter to see how they relate to their own masculine nature, are they able to express themselves in a healthy and mature way, do they have the capacity to be in a relationship, what is their understanding of masculinity and pursuing a woman etc.
Not every man who marries is a husband, and not every woman who marries is a wife; so before we even look into the synastry we need to consider the relationship skills of the people individually and their capacity to be in a relationship, as well as the timing for each of them because often times love is a matter of timing.
Understanding the two partners’ individual natures is always first in synastry and compatibility because we are all unique and it all starts with us, and understanding our own capacity for love and intimacy. If a woman has good aspects with her feminine nature for example, with her Moon and Venus, then naturally she has the capacity to receive the love and masculine energy from the man in a harmonious way, which will also nurture him, inspire him and motivate him to level up even more. And if the man is naturally capable of having a good relationships to his masculine energy expression, he would be able to show up for her in the way she needs. This will also create more respect and balance between the two partners.
Problems in relationships usually arise or begin when a person is not able to live in their natural flow of energy, or forced to live against their natural flow of energy, because essentially this means they feel like they are being denied a part of their individuality, integrity and worthiness. While we all have both masculine and feminine energy within us, each of us has one particular main flow which is our natural, and it is important for us to be in that with our partner also otherwise we may not feel well nor happy long term.
So how can we check this in synastry?
There are many ways, but today I’ll just share with you a simple technique from Vedic astrology, which is called shtrii diirgha. What shtrii diirgha essentially shows is the level of respect within a relationship dynamic.
Shtrii diirgha essentially looks at the Moon compatibility between the two partners – who reaches whom first to be in the initiative role within their relationship. When the man is in the initiator role, the woman feels more stable and secure with him, he is able to reach her emotional world more easily and harmoniously, the masculine and the feminine are in a more balanced flow – and through this the respect grows. When a woman gains more trust in the direction of a man, because he shows her clearly that she can indeed trust his direction, he also becomes more confident in his flow and mutual respect grows.
What this technique does is that we essentially want to see a shorter distance from the man’s Moon to the woman’s Moon – which would show that he is able to reach her emotional needs in the way she needs, and has “less time to travel to reach her inner self”. This aspect also shows respect between the two people, and it is actually quite important because Moon compatibility in general is a priority in synastry – because our Moon is our deepest most sacred self, it is our emotional needs, comfort and what feels like home, our intimacy and our inner emotional, mental and spiritual worlds. Without emotional connection and understanding it is very rare that two people will find fulfillment together.
The way to calculate the distance is for example the man’s Moon is in Gemini, then ideally the woman’s Moon must come a few places after his in the zodiac wheel, i.e. Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, or even Sagittarius is okay because they’d be opposites, though we’d like it to be closer to hers than this.
If it is the woman’s Moon that is closer to the man’s, then the role of the initiator is reversed in their masculine-feminine dynamic; and what ends up happening is that woman may often feel like she needs to or is trying to trying to convince him to be with her. She may feel more invested in the relationship, or like she is always doing the work, and like anything that happens between them it’s because it was her idea and she made it happen; and by the time he calls or makes a plan she may have already become frustrated.
Over time this dynamic of the reversed flow of energy may make the woman feel unloved, unheard, unappreciated, and like he just isn’t able to understanding her; and in return the man may feel pressure or tension, because no matter what he does for her, or thinks he does, it’s never enough – and that’s because of the distance between the Moons; it’s because his Moon can’t quite reach her.
This dynamic can take a while to notice, but over time it may actually begin to create emotional distance and disconnection, and the respect too may begin to dissolve between the two people – and respect is one of the foundational blocks of any relationship.
When you have the right balance of respect, you’ll naturally be close and connected. The man will attend to the woman and in turn, she’ll appreciate him. A man needs to feel needed and to be able to offer something, so by being in his initiatory role of his Moon he can reach his woman’s heart and needs more easily and give to her in the way she needs. He knows that she is close to him, and this soothes his emotional world also. On the other hands, a woman needs to feel appreciated and seen and taken care of, and with him being closer to her she feels this – and as feminine energy is adaptive, a woman falls even deeper into love when she is pursued and loved by her man.
Is it a deal breaker if you have the reversed flow of energy? No, of course not. Synastry is not just one aspect. You need to consider the signs and aspects of the Moons, and all else, in addition to the Navamsa charts etc. You also need to consider that even if it’s a close distance from his Moon to yours, that’s still not a guarantee for anything because the signs matter, the nakshatras matter, and the aspects also matter, and sometimes these all can change the energy overall.
However, what you do need to keep in mind is that this dynamic will still play out, and depending on your own relationship to your inner masculine or feminine sides, it may be felt more strongly. So you just need to be aware of the dynamic, and if as the woman your Moon is closer to his, then you need to pull back a little and just be mindful that he may be perceiving you as too initiative sometimes; so pull back, step into your feminine energy more, and let him take the lead.
I’ve been doing my professional astrology work for many years now and without exception I’ve seen this dynamic play out in all couples. One of my earliest clients was a woman in her early 60s who was considering divorce from her husband of over thirty years, and they had the reversed flow. And one of the first things she was sharing, even before I had seen their charts, was how she was feeling unsupported by him, unappreciated, how they were living separate lives and she had lost respect for him; a lot of resentment and hurt and anger were built in her for him, but also deep sadness too because she did love him many years ago when she married him and was deeply disappointed overall.
She felt like all along she was always the one doing all the work, trying to work things out, taking care of the house and responsibilities, and he was just passive, so she for years and years she had felt invisible and like he didn’t even care. She shared how “she didn’t even see him as a man, and that he was a weak man”. They had the reversed flow of energy, and unfortunately this is how this aspect manifests long term unless awareness comes in earlier. From his own perspective, he was feeling like he wasn’t man enough neither, and this was hurting his own confidence also; and both of them in their own ways were hurt and suffering, and had lost the way to each other many years ago; they had basically even stopped talking to each other and were living separate lives.
I’ve seen this dynamic play out in couples who had been together for shorter amounts of time, though in more subtle ways. The woman had begun feeling like she was always doing all the work, taking care of everything, and she was basically put into the position of the masculine role. This had began to create the energy of the shtrii diirgha more tangible felt, as she was kind of sitting beside him and wondering “why am I even with him?” She had began to feel very disconnected from him.
The physical attraction also had begun to wither, because she felt disconnected from him emotionally, she wasn’t feeling feminine in his presence, and she had armoured up because he wasn’t predisposing her to be open in her feminine and sensual self. Eventually women put in this reversed flow begin to lose respect for their partner, and when we lose respect in a relationship all begins to crumble. The earlier you are aware of it, and the more willing you may both be to work through this the better. If you have other harmonious aspects and you are both more mindful of this dynamic, it can be navigated through with compassion, patience and awareness.
We should also keep in mind that some signs share magnetic attractions – and this is called vasya. For example, a Scorpio Moon or Sun is magnetically attracted to a Cancer Moon or Sun – so even if the man’s Moon is the Scorpio and it is farther away, this isn’t a deal breaker because he is magnetically attracted to her, so will always try to make things work probably; and it is this love and eyes only for her that may be the way to her heart. Like I mentioned, feminine energy desires to be desired and falls deeper into love when the man loves her and shows her – because feminine energy is adaptive and it is like water, it absorbs and then amplifies, magnifies and opens to him even deeper.
While the magnetic attractions may not be enough to save the relationship, vasya can be a nice aspect to have; though it can also make someone stay in an unhealthy dynamic for too long because they are having a harder time to discern the reality beyond the magnetism. So be mindful that these attractions can go either way; can be either a saving grace or unhealthy attachments and illusions.
You can also look at the flow of masculine to the feminine energy through the Mars and Venus connections. In the same way as the Moon’s distances, you can see the distances between the man’s Mars to his woman’s Venus as well as the aspects between them. We’d like to see him pursue her, so we’d like to see harmonious aspects between the two, so that we know his Mars has a direct way of touching her feminine nature and deepening her into love.
We’d like to see a woman with softer Venusian side, especially if her man has a nice strong Mars; and if she doesn’t or if his Mars is a bit more passive or sleepy, we’d need to find ways to spice it up and awaken his Mars into intentional direction towards her. Mars wants Venus, so the only way he will awaken, step up and level up is when he really desires something as pure, beautiful and gentle as Venus. In this way, by analyzing the couple’s Mars and Venus placements, and their individual inner beloveds, you can give them more guidance on rekindling their spark and hopefully saving their relationship also.
Again I want to emphasize that there are very rarely complete deal breakers; synastry is meant to help you with insight and guidance, which gives us awareness, and awareness is power. Even when two people have amazing synastry that’s not a guarantee they will make the relationship work. Before the synastry we must look at each individual as they are and what they relationship skills are – because making love relationships work is about having the right relationship skills.
Love is beautiful, relationships are beautiful, and we are all here to just learn to love, try our best to navigate through challenges together, and settle our relationships into peace and harmony. There will always be conflicts or misunderstandings, but what’s key is the self development each partner does and has done, their relationship skills and emotional maturity; if the love and respect are there, and the willingness to work and self reflect are there, then there’s usually a way forward on your path of love together.
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The beautiful cover art is by artist Liz Huston, whose artwork I love; her official website is here. This piece is called “The essential longing between soul and flesh”, and about it she writes: “The first intimacy, the primary intimacy, is the one we share with ourselves. The bond between our soul and the flesh which gives it a home.”
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