Love is what matters to us most deeply. We all want to love and to be loved. We yearn to connect to one another. We want to make love, give love, and receive love. And when we feel its absence, all else seems kind of flat.
Love means acceptance, which means integration, and so living in love implies that nothing can be broken because it thrives in full acceptance, connection, integration and the present moment.
I believe that all problems stem from disconnection; disconnection from self and disconnection from others. In a world where everything is technologically integrated, we’ve become more isolated than ever. The fuller seems emptier. And there’s a new kind of poverty – the poverty of souls. In the age where people swipe and choose potential partners off of apps like products in a supermarket, humans have become replaceable and, ironically, invisible. It’s almost like we are Pink Floyd’s “Another Brick in the Wall” — not worthy of time, attention, and effort.
And how can we love anything when we don’t truly see it nor connect to it?
Anything in life is special, only if we spend more time with it, like the rose in The Little Prince or our childhood toy. We need to slow down and connect. See. Talk. Touch. It’s beautiful to explore and re-explore someone. Like art. Like the mysticism that we are, unveiling our layers one by one, negating the boundaries of mind and skin.
And then there’s the disintegration of values and lack of integrity, which would take a book in itself to cover. During a time of global lockdown and pandemic, when people are wearing masks every day – I’ve seen their faces much clearer. And it can be disappointing, yet also eye-opening and I suppose, freeing. But all of this can make one feel like: where did the love go?
Disconnection is nothing new. It was the same before – but “back then” people just stared at their phone rather than talk and get to know the person beside them. I can’t even tell you when was the last time I saw a couple having intentional dialogue, sharing a laughter and deep eye contact. It’s quite sad, really. Many people just really don’t know who they are. They are at wars with themselves without even realizing it and they will battle themselves through others, as they re-play and re-live their old wounds and narratives through other people. They are, sadly, in a desperate need to connect to themselves and are subconsciously projecting all of their aspects and shadows onto other people. It never ends well.
Masks can’t fall in love. This is another aspect of disconnection – it can be based on the inability, or unwillingness, to be authentic. Authenticity requires vulnerability – and indeed, most people don’t truly connect to others because they are unwilling to open themselves and be vulnerable. Of course – we shouldn’t be vulnerable to everyone; only with those whom we love, trust and desire to bond deeper with. On the other hand – we can sometimes be vulnerable and open-hearted, yet the people around us aren’t and so a connection will not be realized.
When someone is disconnected from their true self, they will inevitably not be able to recognize the true self in another and will not be able to bond on a deeper level. And when the majority of the population becomes disconnected from self, they will not only feel little-to-no empathy for other people, but they will also attack those who are true to themselves because this triggers their false living. Let’s be honest – we all need a supportive safe environment to thrive and grow – so eventually those authentic, kind, giving, empathic people will retreat. Even the softest of hearts may begin to harden. And then what? We need people of love in this world.
When we are disconnected from our true self, we also fail to recognize the divinity in ourselves – and also, the divinity in another person. This means: we will be hurting people without any sense of awareness or feeling, because this disconnection leads us to being more emotionally numb and separated from our soul’s truth and integrity. This is why narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths are personality disorders which all share the common traits: disconnection from feelings, disconnection from self and illusion of self.
“Divide and conquer” is a strategy used by psychopaths, sociopaths, narcissists and rulers of all kinds. We are brainwashed to put ourselves in categories, in boxes, and string our identity to “things” that aren’t true to us. We are judged by numbers, likes, reviews and our very existence depends on some algorithm. We are also exposed to a great amount of attempts to separate us even further, and to disconnect us from our core self, from one another, and from love. We are forgetting who we are. Our connections and our love are suppressed and oppressed. We are forced to live in ways that are in opposition to our true essence and self expression; for example, women are forced to live like men which is a perversion of the feminine energy, and anything related to the right brain, such as our emotions and creativity, are suppressed and minimized especially in Western cultures. Also, there are all kinds of toxins injected into food, water, cosmetics, the air that we breathe and directly into our body – which disconnect us from our wellbeing as well as from our pineal gland, or our third eyes, or our sense of intuition. We are numbed and dumbed, and it is no wonder that many people can’t connect to their intuition with all of these various toxins in our system and environment.
Our connection is being destroyed and our ability to connect is deteriorating.
Hate campaigns, projections, public outcries, fear mongering, bullying, pressures, distractions such as electronics and social media platforms, financial worries, and multilevel consistent stress, draw out our energy and attention away from living in love.
Do we remember how it feels like, what it looks like?
Living in love.
To live in love, we need to lean into love and this starts from within. Self-love can look differently through each expression of our body of consciousness, though ultimately it is about self-acceptance, self-compassion, feeling and honouring our feelings, and integration of self.
Caring and loving for ourselves spiritually is more introspective and it is about settling into the core of who we truly are. It feels like trusting in our deep knowing and the cycles of the land despite not seeing clearly. It feels like being connected to our deeper wisdom within especially when we find ourselves lost in the dark wood or the in-between spaces. It is about seeing our life in a multi-dimensional capacity and strengthening our faith in higher spirit, learning to fall into the arms of trust and faith. Meditation is a great way to care for our spiritual body.
Physical self care and love may look like a walk in nature, eating healthily, sleeping well, beautifying our physical space, being grateful for our body no matter what it looks like, and learning to listen to our body. It is about seeing our body as an extension of our soul.
Mental self care and love is about our voice. It is when we feel we are living authentically and we are in our truth regardless of what others think or say, and how many people will leave our lives because we decided to speak out and stay true to ourselves. It is about our dreams and hopes, and self-love is when we go after them and take action towards realizing them no matter how small the steps may be. It is about transforming negative self talk and nurturing a healthy internal dialogue, embracing our creativity.
Emotional self care and love is when we can trust our intuition, nurture our emotions, feel into our feelings, build our self-respect and self-acceptance, and are settled into a relationship of peace within – rather than being swayed by the external world. It is also about honouring our desires and sensual self, and being more creative, passionate and embodied. Lean into the inner beloved, within you.
Self-love is ultimately about self-acceptance, just like love is about acceptance. And so – when we accept and integrate all aspects of our consciousness, and come into our wholeness, and holiness, we will see the divinity within ourselves, that “good or bad” are both okay to feel, and we will also see the divinity in another person. When we don’t see the divinity in someone, when we don’t recognize the humanness in another – then we become harmful, hurtful and abusive without any sense of consciousness. The ability to experience love always always starts from within. Because we need to have the capacity within us to take in another person’s true self and allow them the safe space where we can connect fully and completely. On a very basic level, when we integrate ourselves and come into our wholeness, we will also have more compassion towards ourselves, so self-love will look like: “Today I messed up but it’s okay, I realize that. Today I feel like crap but that’s okay. I am not where I wanted to be in life but that’s okay. My project failed but that’s okay.” Also, self-love is about recognizing our authenticity and recognizing when we haven’t been authentic that day but instead of being harsh or ashamed, just recognizing it and trying to do better tomorrow.
One of the key elements when it comes to having sacred relationships is nurturing, which is about how we lean into love. When we know how to nurture ourselves and others in a way that is healthy and from a soul-led intent, we start to trust our own abilities and intuition, and we release all fears and trapped emotions that bind us. Then, we begin to recover our divine essence – and when we live from our divine essence, life becomes more vibrant, more alive and more emotionally fulfilling.
All matter and energy vibrates at the highest frequency available, so the best we can do is just stay true to ourselves and naturally everything else around us will begin to shift accordingly. In this way, we will also influence those around us too; this is why when we take care of our wellbeing, we inevitably influence the wellbeing of those around us. Stay in your highest vibration with your minds, emotions, beliefs and actions.
So what happens in the dark?
Have you been in caves? I love caves and I was recently learning more about fungi; they love dark places. Specifically the tiny filaments of mycelium that connect all trees to one another, deep underground and deep in the dark, they still wrap around like an organic world. They are what happens in the dark – tiny hands reaching out to join others, and integrate.
This is what happens in the dark. We find.
Sometimes we even find each other.
When we feel lost in the woods, in the caves or in any dark remote unknown place, we must lean into love; we must live in love.
As we learn to shed and leg go of what no longer serves us in life, we fall deeper into trust, we fall deeper into love. Life comes around and destabilizes things. Often we think it is our ego doing this, but it is our higher consciousness that tells the ego what it needs to experience to evolve further. Anything that stops us from loving more, will be stripped away. And this usually happens through relationships. Life comes around and says: no, you don’t know it all. And we shouldn’t know it all anyway – because if we did, how would we experience ourselves fully through that moment? This is why even psychics don’t know it all and we are not meant to know all the answers. Knowing is something we all long for because this is how we can keep a sense of control and make sense of this weird world. Knowing comforts us; knowing soothes us. We all want to know and keep things in control especially when the ground beneath our feet shakes. We’ve all had moments of great humbleness in this life. But there is a timing of information. Because the greatest lesson in this life, aside from love, is trust. We need to learn to trust life, and to trust ourselves. The answers come when we do really need them. No one knows it all. As long as we are breathing in human bodies – we are students and seekers. The very notion that someone knows everything – already implies a sense of separation and duality.
And so – we fall deeper into love, deeper into trust. In deep love, we experience an alchemical reaction. This strips away all of our layers, boundaries and identities. All divisions dissolve and we merge into one. In this way – we allow more love and more life to flow through us and express itself through us. This means: that any time someone or something is limiting our channel of that unconditional love, and is no longer good for us, we will be able to recognize it, and move away more easily with grace. Because when we remember and allow ourselves to be the expression of life that we already are, then we channel love through ourselves and we allow love to guide us and to show us what situations we’d want to keep, nourish and sustain, and what situations are turning off our heart, and we’d need to exit them.
This then becomes a higher form of existential experience – because we allow consciousness to move freely through us and because our decisions no longer depend on what someone tells us, but only on what we know to be true in our heart.
Living in love is showing up, sharing and connecting through …
… words. We share our voice, we share who we are, we share our true self. We open up. We show up. We speak with those we love and we share our feelings, thoughts, dreams and desires. We listen to them, deeply and openly, so that we can understand them. We connect to one another through our vulnerability, expressed through words.
… touch. Our tenderness is meant to be shared with those we love; a gentle touch, a tight hug, a long kiss, a supportive hand, a massage to release their burdens, mean the world of love.
… presence and attention. We show up and we notice, truly notice. We give them our attention and our full presence, emotionally, mentally and physically. We see behind their smiling eyes that they might be worried. We are dedicated to re-exploring, re-learning and re-discovering our partner. We give them what they need rather than what we want or think they need. Holding the safe space for someone to be their true self is the best gift of love we can give.
… a smile. These twinkles in our eyes is what connects us, always. It warms our hearts and can make a big difference to our day and mood.
… honouring. We may honour someone by publicly saying how important they are to us, and how much we treasure them. We may honour a person with special gifts, flowers, a position, or a role.
… respect and trust. Love is founded on trust and respect. Trust is the ability to rely on someone who will act in our best interest; be trustworthy and respect those who have trusted you. We show respect by protecting people’s true self expression, privacy and integrity, and we show our trustworthiness by consistency and empathy. Trust takes time to build, is easily broken and almost impossible to ever fully repair.
… encouragement and support. We all need to feel supported. Where there is something we can do, no matter how small we think it is, we must do it. It can be a compliment, words of enouragement, leaving likes and reviews, and saying what we like about someone’s work. We might think it wouldn’t matter – but I assure you, support and encouragement always matter.
… acknowledgment and recognition. We may acknowledge a person by greeting them, by asking how they feel, and by saying “good morning” and “good night”. We may acknowledge them by recognizing their abilities, creativity, talent, beauty, and achievements. This witnessing changes their reality and empowers them; it makes them feel seen and appreciated. The observer influences the observed – this is why it is absolutely crucial to surround ourselves with people who truly support us, encourage us and see the best in us. We show love by witnessing, recognizing and acknowledging people’s brightest beingness.
… dance. Turn on the music and dance. Dance is the only creative expression which can never be done in a contracted body posture, i.e. sadness is never possible with dance. We open a new channel, a new experience, a new energy through dance which cannot be accessed otherwise; we are both completely free and completely in our body. There is simultaneously surrender, freedom and embodiment which connects us deeper to our true self: love. This is how the energy of great lovers connects and deeply bonds.
… service. When we do acts of service and kindness, we feel purposeful and we feel more love. It doesn’t have to be extraordinary; the little acts carry big weights. You never know if a simple “you inspire me” was what a person needed to hear that day to feel better. Making tea, cleaning the house, ironing their shirts, tidying up the house, are all ways to connect and show love to one another.
Too shy to love?
Sometimes we are too shy to smile or greet or express our feelings. Expressing ourselves can be scary because it requires vulnerability and there’s always the risk of rejection or not being returned the same gestures. But vulnerability and opening our heart are the only ways to love; they are the first steps required if we want to open the doors of love. And other times we just need some space and that’s okay.
What we must remember though is that we should never ignore people – this is the opposite of love. And when it is done purposefully with the intention to hurt someone – this is a form of emotional abuse.
In the Marine Corps – one of the basic health and wellbeing education training teaches all people to always smile and nod when passing by someone, as ways to prevent suicide and depression. This is because feeling ignored and unseen is incredibly disburbing psychologically and emotionally. It is also why parents should never be emotionally neglectful nor give the silent treatment to children because these create trauma in the child’s psyche, carried over into adulthood.
In some traditions, the greatest gift of love which is aknowledgment and recognition is expressed through songs sung or played for another. Perhaps you can write a text message or send a song to express your feelings or show that you are thinking about them when you are too shy.
Living in love is like living life like a prayer.
Prayer is a hug or a meal cooked. Prayer is helping someone even when they didn’t ask or asking them “how are you?”. Prayer is when we encourage someone or say “good night”. Prayer is a natural state of being, when we are fully present for someone, when we give someone our time and energy, even if all we did was listen to them. It is a vibration, a feeling, a thought, a voice of love and an expression of our silent being. While we pray all the time, it is often unintentional because we are not aware of it.
Prayer is sense of openness, surrender, trust and acceptance. Prayer is like love.
So to live life like a prayer means: to live intentionally, to live in love, being fully present. What if we are consciously and intentionally grateful for every person and everything continuously, daily? What if we dedicate ourselves to lovingness, compassion and mercy? This allows us to be more receptive to all the beauty that life already is, as it unfolds before our eyes – rather than wonder around, away from the present moments and perpetuating separateness.
A love that pays attention to the present moment is a love that is alive, seeing the miracle of our beloved.
I want you to be. I want every moment for you. I want every day for you. I love your mere existence in my life, as it is, as it be. I love that miracle that you are. I love the being that you are.
We are all lovers. We are all mystics exploring the layers of our existence and one another. There is always something or someone that we hold precious, that we call our beloved, that is no less than a miracle.
Lean into love. Live in love.
Show up. Share. Connect.
Lean into your life, wholeheartedly, with the generosity of your spirit. This is devotion. This is passion. This is life. This is emotion. Emotions are the vehicle of our spiritual bodies and the reason why we are able to connect more deeply to one another.
Our greatest adversary is forgetfulness; forgetting our heart, inner truth and ability to love. No matter what has happened in our life, we all have, at least once, been touched by love; by tenderness, compassion, trust, faith, hope and generosity. Remember it, lean into it, sink into it.
Love is powerful and it is the natural state of our being; it is our sense of being. The trick is to open our eyes, recognize it and treat it with the respect that it deserves. Allow your entire body, heart and self to open up and experience the mysticism and love that you already are.
With love and peace,
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Cover Art by Margarete Petersen.