Today we’ll dive into the universal law of equivalent exchange of energy, and the importance of receiving and interdependence, as it relates to the areas of romantic relationships, inner development and spiritual work.
Most people in life need to learn giving and generosity as part of their spiritual development, because these are what dissolve their limits and boundaries, opens their hearts and allows them the opportunity for a deepening; and then there are those who are already naturally giving, open, deep and generous, so they are here to learn to set boundaries with their time, skills and energy, and they need to receive. In relationships, givers must be with givers, not takers, because givers need to learn to receive, be taken of by others also, and have their needs met and respected.
Generosity and being a giving person are not just qualities or traits, they are actually high spiritual gifts – as generosity is one of the main spiritual gifts. It not only shows you obviously have an open heart and have high vibration, but that you have earned this level of spiritual advancement which has gained you that level of consciousness and openness.
But this doesn’t mean that you should give away your energy for free nor give endlessly nor work for free neither, because this will energetically and physically drain you, as you need to learn to set boundaries, respect your time and energy, and learn to be given to and taken care of by others also. For example, if you keep working for free, or keep giving of yourself for free, without being given in turn, you will then begin to feel drained, even feel physically unwell, as life is trying to wake you up to set boundaries and know that you too need to be given in turn.
Charity is one thing, spiritual work is another. Spiritual work, whether you are an astrologer or psychic or healer, requires time, energy and skills, and your own initiation and years of practice and intuitive development; this is hard work, which you’ve earned and cannot give it for free. It will not help the clients (because when they are not investing of their own into a reading, they will not be open to receive the spiritual insight or energetic blessing neither), and it is certainly not helping you neither. If you want to truly help people, you need to be of balanced energy within, which is what is reflecting to them also what true balance looks like; and hopefully, they too will make the choice to walk the higher dharmic path.
Spiritual Lessons from the Alms of Buddhist Monks
Now let me take you a bit farther east to see the deeper wisdom and teachings of the Buddhist monks.
For the most advanced monks in training, their only possession is their alm bowl, which some people in the Western world call “begging bowl”. Their alm bowl is all they are allowed to have, and whatever is in their bowl, this is what will support them. Each morning they go out and walk the sidewalks of their village or community; and people gather waiting for the monks, so that they leave them something in their bowls.
As part of their advanced spiritual training, monks can only live off of the support of the communities – off of what they’ve collected in their bowls during the day. This is an advanced spiritual lesson because as lightworkers we all know how to give unconditionally, to be generous, charitable and compassionate – but what about receiving? Receiving is actually a lot harder than giving; it demands a lot more spiritually to receive than to give. This is why spiritually advanced people are more generous.
But also,
Receiving requires humility and trust; an absolute unconditional trust in this thing called life, and to be held in the arms of the one whose face we may never fully see, yet is always there: God.
So I wonder,
How many of us have this kind of trust in the universe – that life itself will find its way to channel through the right people on our path who will support us; to completely surrender and renounce the material and accept the interdependence of humanity; to accept that we will still survive even without our control nor hands.
And if we ever thought that we had overcome our ego, get that bowl and go outside – because that’s the moment when we’ll realize we didn’t overcome it at all – that we are very much attached to it. To be able to have such trust and humbleness are divine abilities, and this is why trust and humbleness are the bridge to God.
During the alms, the monks do not engage in eye contact and conversation with the people, because this is about learning that giving and receiving should be done unconditionally – without expectation. It is about learning that the exchange is equal in intention and vibration. They are not even able to speak “thank you”, because they need to fully trust and understand that they are already giving a lot to their communities – because their prayers, their energy, their spiritual development and calmness spreads and supports and raises the entire community and the wellness of the people.
The advanced spiritual lesson of receiving for the monks also serves the purpose of teachings us of the growth of the spiritual attribute of humanity, and bringing us into direct awareness of the mutual interdependence of human beings.
This life is an interdependent life, and we all depend on one another – on other people, on nature itself. The humility of this deserves to be treasured. We can’t detach physically from others, and we shouldn’t, because we are all spiritually connected and need to remember this. We can’t go and hide in a cave somewhere, because then how would we contribute to one another, support one another, raise each other, lift each other up. What use are talents, gifts and wisdom if we are not using them to help others?
The monks’ alms teach us another important aspect of our human nature: facing our fear of being perceived as poor. One of our biggest struggles as human beings is the fear of being perceived as “poor”, and this is a fear deep within us but once externalized it becomes visible. It becomes visible when we need the support of others. It becomes visible that as much as we get brainwashed about independence, we are in fact, all interdependent. We get to experience ourselves outside of our own limits, ego and self-image, and confront our own perception of who we are and what we value.
Money, status, these all fall away; and in a world that will inevitably integrate ai, and the way our finances and work will look like will change quite dramatically, we will all find ourselves in similar and more equalized financial and material positions. And then what will matter most will be who we are internally. It is your inner essence that will become more visible, and we can no longer hide behind screens, personas, filters and fillers, and identities attached to money, status nor influence. It will be about who you are on the inside, and what you hold as integrity, virtue, wisdom, talents and gifts – because these cannot be faked nor robotized.
For energy to flow freely and harmoniously there needs to be an equivalent exchange. What is equal or equivalent? It’s not about being in the same shape or form – it is energetic. Equivalent energetic exchange is when the intention of the giver and receiver are balanced. And please remember that receiving does not mean taking.
Spiritual work has never actually been free. In the old days, when you’d go to your shaman, you’d need to bring something as payment, whether it was eggs, a chicken, a cow. You had to make an offering in order to receive. When you go to a church also, you’d leave a donation at the front, or buy candles, not because they are trying to take your money, but because it is for your benefit to do so.
When you enter this church, or temple, or ashram, or monastery, you are essentially receiving a spiritual blessing, spiritual solace, comfort, food for your soul, whether you realize it or not, this is the energy and the intention of the energy in these places, in addition to your own subconscious intention for entering; and this needs to be respected and supported in turn by you also.
When you give of yourself, you also solidify and strengthen your relationship and bridge to God and the divine. Each time you receive a message, a blessing, spiritual guidance, omen outside in nature, you may give back in some way also, as support or payment, which then strengthens the bridge of communication between you and the divine. This is why in Indigenous cultures, where animals may show up as guides, people then give back to nature or an animal shelter associated with this animal; and this strengthens your own connection to the universe and its communication to you.
When you support your spiritual workers, local healers, or your church, you are essentially building and strengthening your own bridge to God and the divine. This opens doorways within you. But if you continue to expect things for free, or take knowledge for free, you are only limiting your own path and putting blocks to growth. Entitlement is one of the greatest limits and blocks to development, and essentially it separates you from the divine.
I’m in my 40s, and I grew up in a time before the internet and social media; in a time where I was raised to value and respect the elderly, support other people and spiritual places and practitioners. But throughout history also, in cultures from around the world, especially the more spiritual ones, people would take care of their spiritual workers back in the day; they’d make sure the lightworkers were taken care of by them, they’d check in to see how they were doing, or they needed anything regurlarly. This ensured the whole community will be well, and this is something well known.
Jesus Christ too was supported financially by the disciples; he didn’t just live off eating flowers and drinking the air. To be able to step into your spiritual work in greater ways, you can’t be sitting here worrying about what to eat or where to sleep, because all your energy is focused on others; so naturally, you need the shoulders and hands of someone else to support you.
And it’s profoundly heartbreaking that nowadays the real genuinely spiritual workers and creatives and independent minds and free thinkers are not supported adequately for the amount of work they contribute. Yes, they do it of the generosity of their hearts, but that doesn’t mean as humanity we should just take, take, take without supporting them in turn.
And what ends up happening is that their only way forward is to go as far as they can on their own, contribute as much as they can for as long as they can, and then without the funds they just need to focus on their livelihood. We shouldn’t take people’s kindness, time, love and wisdom for granted; and instead of supporting those with the quieter voices and true hearts, our attentions go to sparkles on some social media, as if spirituality is some entertainment or dumbed down to boxes, squares and click baits.
And for those who are true and genuine, who will not kneel to the constant pressures to become sellouts or social media squares, because they have morals and values, eventually they can’t support themselves and it is our loss – because we are the ones who will lose their true wisdom and guidance. God knows, this world is starved for true wisdom, love and guidance, so may we have the open palms to support whom we love and look up to and read for insight. It is so difficult to stand your ground and not become who you are not in our world, so from my heart to yours, I have so much respect and empathy for those of you who also walk the path of truth. I know it’s not easy.
Nowadays we live in a consumerist society where most people just take and take, and when they do give, even if just a compliment, it carries an expectation. Many of us have had open palms throughout our life, but those that “gave” us something had expectations assigned to it – and so in time, and justifiably so, we just closed off. Unfortunately, the simple truth is that most people don’t know how to give genuinely and there are always expectations on it. And I am not speaking about work and giving their skills, I am now speaking of our personal interactions.
In the days of follow/unfollow social media culture and treating humans like generic bottles in a supermarkets, swiping their faces on apps, how much is a human worth? How do we value time and energy? How are we being grateful and giving back to those who’ve given us of themselves, whether it was wisdom through words, comfort through listening, art which inspires us? We will not sustain humanity if we continue to take, disregard and hold impure intentions and expectations. Eventually things will fall. And those who did have the kindness and generosity to give of themselves to others will eventually close off, because they’ve been burned too many times.
How is this important in relationships?
Relationships that are healthy thrive on interdependence. It is important for us to realize that we need others just as much as they need us – and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. No, it doesn’t make us needy, it doesn’t make us incapable, it doesn’t make us weak. It is what life is all about.
It is a most beautiful thing when two souls merge as one, when two people decide to become a one; and in this vow of oneness and unity, each will need to give up a part of themselves in some way, but this is what will dissolve the boundaries and you’ll make your own new land together. When we take another as part of us, it’s not a sacrifice on our part, it is the sweetest pleasure, and this is what love is; there is no longer a “me, me, me”, the “us” is a togetherness of selflessness and love.
In all of our relationships and friendships too, we need people to support us just as much as we support them; we need friends to be there for us just as much as we are there for them, because if you are always the one who listens and supports and they aren’t there for you, it’s not fair to you and you don’t deserve this. You need to be taken care of and supported.
For the generous souls out there, it is important to remember that “helping doesn’t mean taking crap”. If someone mistreats you, you need to walk away, because this is not what a healthy loving bond looks like. Love doesn’t hurt. It is just people that are hurtful because they just don’t know how to give love, they don’t know how to love, but it is not your job to teach them that or “fix” them.
Another important thing to remember is that givers must be in relationships with givers; this is because givers must learn to receive and being with takers will ultimately be abusive for them. If we want to sustain a long-term relationship or a marriage, we need to accept that there would be interdependence. Obviously, codependence is not interdependence.
What the monks’ alms know
Humility and vulnerability are strengths understood only by those devoted to their spiritual paths. It is understanding that beyond our physical self there is no place for the ego beliefs. It is understanding that the bowl and the hands that give are both empty at the end of the day – but we are still whole.
Making money or filling the bowl is not the point of the monks’ alms. It is to see that we are all dependent on the same emptiness. This spiritual act of receiving reminds us where the true treasures are; that the bowl and the hand filling it are both empty; that walking silent gratitude notices the fillings of the heart.
Holding our palms open to others does not mean we are dependent upon society or incomplete within ourselves, neither does it mean we are asking for something that we haven’t earned. It teaches us harmony and exchange of energy, because giving and receiving are always measured by the intention of our hearts, and that we too need support.
It shows us that as givers, we need just as much support, so that energy continues to flow. And it is also a way for all of us to connect more deeply. Do not suffice for anything less than that. Do not suffice for bread crumps or ingenuine “giving” burdened with expectations. Loving and giving must be unconditional. Do not allow yourself to be mistreated or taken advantage of.
As creators, writers and lightworkers, we do a lot of free work sometimes. As natural healers and generous souls, we always give to others, whether time, presence, listening, kindness, empathy or a shoulder to cry on. Remind yourself that you too should be supported and taken care of by others, and if you are not, you need to walk away for a chance to build something healthier, true and fulfilling with someone as kind and generous as you. Value your work, your wisdom, your knowledge, and trust that life itself will work through the hands of others to support you on your path, when you a walk of path of truth and love.
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Cover photograph by me of me. This butterfly had gotten stuck in the sand, but right after she felt the stability of the leaf, she took her beautiful flight. For those of you who may witness a similar situation and wish to help, what you may do, as long as she is not visibly injured nor with broken wings, is to gently place the butterfly under a flat surface such as a leaf or paper – not with your bare hands – and please stay very gentle and slow in your moving, so that she doesn’t feel stressed. If she is still on the leaf, you may then gently and slowly place her with the leaf in a protective area near flowers, and allow her to recover on her own.
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