We have our beautiful lily of the valley flowers blooming in our spring gardens, and today we’ll dive into the discussion of a question often asked by spiritual seekers: is celibacy a necessity for spiritual growth?
To understand this more deeply we need to first understand what the spiritual path is and what is spirituality anyway: it is an expansion through an inner deepening. It is an expansion of perception, of awareness, that allows you into a greater union as you are able to perceive more beyond your immediate senses and what your eyes can see and what you hands can touch.
So this is why yoga means union – and through its practice we are then naturally and eventually able to expand our awareness beyond the limitations of our skin. For example, as you then touch a table, it is no longer your fingers touching the table, the table is kind of a part of you – because our skin is essentially a kind of separation, which tells us “finger touches table and it is a table outside of me because I feel the border of it through having a border of my skin”. Yoga isn’t about physical exercises, it is not a social media page or selfies twisting your body; and actually the physical side of yoga isn’t a big deal, it doesn’t make you a yogi, it just helps certain people come into more flexibility to then be able to expand something within them and be more able to perceive the spiritual nature and purpose of it, which is union. You can be a yogi just sitting in a chair as long as you are being in full awareness.
And it is through this awareness that you become more loving and inclusive of other people, because now you realize that what’s good for them is good for you, and what’s not good for them is not good for you; so the spiritual path is essentially leading you on the path of union and true love as you begin to serve for the betterment of humanity.
And so,
Our five senses are actually very important, and through them we deepen in our inner experience, and as we then develop them and sharpen them into greater awareness we begin to open up our clair senses, which are essentially the developed five senses. As we detach from our lower urges and expectations, we come into deeper understanding of things, and we allow ourselves an opportunity for a deepening.
The whole world of that which we call spirituality or a spiritual life is to be able to grow beyond the physical, to taste that which is beyond the physical.
Attachments are not a bad thing, and we all have attachments though they differ in nature, intention and the energy through which we approach them. These are often most understood or easily explained through the three gunas: tamas, rajas and sattvic. We all have all three, but as you grow spiritually you will naturally be more in your sattvic energy.
Tamas is attached to materialism, lower urges, egoism, and often creates unhappiness, so it creates attachments to unhappiness and selfishness also because it creates a rigidity and unwillingness to grow; rajas is attached to movements, passion and impulsivity; and sattva is attached to illumination, higher knowledge, wisdom, harmony, peace, charity and purity of heart and mind.
We are all tamas when we sleep, rajas when we take a shower, so it isn’t about villainizing anything, for tamas too longs to be witnessed, observed and understood. Only then, we may be able to rise in our awareness level and move into a more sattvic way of life. And while sattvic attachments are more pure in nature, they are still attachments; so again, there is nothing wrong with attachments, it is just about awareness.
Naturally, as you evolve spiritually there will be less attachments to your lower tamas and even rajas urges, because you will seek a deeper connection to people and things; as this is what your inner world will now be experiencing, and seeking to continue to experience with others and your connections. Naturally, you will no longer be satisfied with shallowness and surface level things, you will seek deeper emotional connections.
This spiritual process which is an inner alchemical process will serve to purify and transmute your lower urges or desires – desire is good, but it should be heart centered otherwise it rules you rather than guides you.
Lust is a common attachment in our world, and that’s actually something we may witness in nature also, so it is a natural impulse for our human nature. But once our lust for physical attraction and base level desires end, i.e. it doesn’t stimulate us anymore, it doesn’t tempt us, it doesn’t enslave us, and we’ve naturally lost interest in it, then we are freeing ourselves from our own inner limtations and transmuting the fires burning inside of us.
That same natural force and power awakes within us a divine consciousness, because we shift the fires within us to transform ourselves from within, we become free of the lust and turn it into love and a sense of purity and liberation. That’s the freedom, the detachment that frees us – and this then becomes divine attraction rather than base lust.
You become mesmerized by the divine beauty, you begin feeling it in your entirety. And then – you begin seeing the divine in every other human being also, so you feel mercy, you feel compassion, you feel for them within you and without you all and everything. Your heart expands you. And it’s not that you lose desires and passion – you just now channel them towards a different way of being.
When we transmute these inner fires, we find a new desire, a new fire, a new passion, a new attraction – for the divine and pure in nature. Lust then becomes transformed into love. The fires of desire are still burning, and even brighter and more powerful than before, but now it is something within you that rises you.
This sexual energy, which is creative and life force energy, now becomes more channeled and focused and able to create anything – you may begin to create beautiful arts and move more fully into your creative and artistic nature, you awaken your inner mystic, your inner poet, you become a lover of life, and you make love in so many ways.
Naturally, you will not be satisfied nor even interested in pure physical pleasures of skin – because what you’ve awakened within you is something that longs for real deeper union with another. You now know how it feels, you now know how real desire and soul passion feels, so naturally you may become celibate in the way people understand celibacy. The sexual energy within you and the spiritual growth will actually even physically give off a scent that sweet; which is why you may have been in the presence of such people who just naturally had sweet natural body fragrance, and no it’s not a perfume, it’s just the purified energy.
I often hesitate to speak on the many benefits of celibacy, and there are indeed many, because I don’t want people to force themselves to do something that doesn’t naturally come to them yet. People who are more spiritually developed will naturally not involve themselves with casual sexual relationships and will have no problem staying celibate for some time in their life, depending on what their unique path is. Is celibacy necessary? It’s not necessary per se, but it will certainly speed up your spiritual growth. However, you should not suppress yourself or force yourself to do something you don’t naturally feel yet, because this will not serve you, it may harm you.
Celibacy does naturally come to people who are growing spiritually, yes. But it’s a natural instinct. It doesn’t feel like some sacrifice, it doesn’t feel hard to do so, it just feels natural.
Our beautiful lily of the valley flowers in our spring garden, all photographs by me.
Some people do stay celibate for some years and then if choose to settle down with someone they feel connected to emotionally and spiritually and physically, then they just come out of that – but it is love guided, not flesh guided. Other people enter into a marriage with God such as monks or yogis etc. and for them this is their path and their relationship.
The western world has been really pre-occupied with sex, and in general no it’s not serving them because there is constant mismatch of energy and energy being too entangled and for many it is drained, and I think all should learn about the spiritual nature of sexual interactions and what it actually does to their own energy body, so that they are more mindful. There is nothing shameful about sex, it is a celebration of love, but it is about knowing and respecting the sexual energy, so that you can choose more mindfully and experience more fulfillment in your own life. When people are too attached to some inner urges that they don’t even understand it may lead them astray.
I was actually quite very surprised when recently someone was speaking about how Lenny Kravitz was celibate for many years and he himself shared that it’s “a spiritual thing” and waiting for the right person. And that’s beautiful and meaningful and shows the growth he’s done; but it was interesting how many people were critisizing him (which was absurd and arrogant) and just not getting it and saying a bunch of non sense on the topic. It’s just a reflection of the state of consciousness and people’s inner issues, degraded core values and intense attachments to tamasic energy. And it’s quite sad to see the state of being of those people because they basically live in very caged inner worlds. But as I always say, we all have our own pace on the path, and for some it may take longer to realize while for others perhaps they are not meant to see nor know that.
To wrap it up,
Is celibacy necessary? It’s not necessary but it does speed your spiritual growth. In general lust and lower sexual urges breed attachments, and the spiritual growth happens through some sort of transcending attachments into deeper experience and inner knowledge.
We are not here to become spiritual, we already are spiritual beings; we are here to awaken that inner wisdom and apply it towards our human relationships. And our spiritual self or life isn’t just when we meditate, you don’t have to meditate at all actually, but our spiritual life extends to all areas of our life; it is when we do our most ordinary deeds during the day, through love and compassion, and of how we respond and interact with things different from us and our perspectives. Many people say “love and light” but then turn around and when someone or something challenges their narratives or doesn’t serve their interests, they turn from beloveds to rats from hell.
Our spiritual self isn’t just a sometimes or when it fits us, just like love isn’t just a sometimes or when it fits it or serves our self interests – it is an always. And the only genuinely spiritual people that I’ve ever met were people with warm hearts, with open generous feeling hearts while being able to hold love, hold one another and act of compassion and respects. They certainly had strong boundaries and deeply rooted in their core values, and walked their talk with the choices they made for partners also and their every day; but they remained in compassion and respect in all areas of their life.
Meditation doesn’t make you spiritual, posting spiritual memes doesn’t make you spiritual, being a vegan doesn’t make you spiritual, yoga doesn’t make you spiritual, celibacy doesn’t make you spiritual neither. Who you are and how you live your life in your every day, through your words, hands and gestures, along the circling staircases of life – and the warmth of your heart, softness of skin and openness of palms – this is what shows how spiritually attuned you are.
You can still of course lead a more spiritual path and life while being in love and sexually intimate with someone, you don’t have to become a monk if that’s not your calling; and intimate relationships can be truly beautiful and fulfilling, and marriage too wouldn’t stop you from pursuing your spiritual growth. Again, it’s about awareness, and naturally, as you expand your awareness your physical experiences will deepen in pleasure also and be more fulfilling.
Celibacy may speed up your spiritual growth process in significant ways but only if it comes naturally to you and it’s your conscious decision, and you are still doing your work with inner growth. Otherwise it’s suppression and that’s not helpful to you nor anyone around you. You need to be aware enough and responsible enough to know what you can get entangled with, and entangling yourself in bodily aspects can create some slowness on your path and further need for untangling after.
While people think their sexuality is a conscious process, it isn’t – it is a compulsive process. And as such, it will serve as enslavement for you and become a limit, an impediment. If you can look within yourself, with honest reflection, and see what your compulsions are, regardless of their nature, whether it is emotional compulsions or thought patterns etc., then you will rise in some self awareness and naturally you will become more mindful of how you live your life and what choices you make for yourself. Once you understand the root of your compulsions, the compulsions themselves often go away – and you free yourself of what external holds you in its powers. You become your own power and generator of energy.
If someone follows a spiritual path they will naturally evolve out of any compulsions and walk a life of more freedom within and without. This is what leads to fulfillment because when we know ourselves, when we know what matters to us, and we are walking in truth, it enriched our experiences. We no longer depend on something outside of us to give us something, or satisfy a deeper need within us.
Because that’s the thing with lust also: it is essentially seeking to fulfill a deeper need within you but if you are not aware of that need you will keep feeling unfulfilled because you are not actually addressing the real need and giving yourself what you really need. So what’s the deeper need behind lust? It’s love. It’s emotional connection. When you understand this, you may choose more wisely and transform your inner fires. And naturally, when we know who we are, and what we really want, we will not safice for anything less than that, and we cannot be tempted into anything because we hold the power within us not outside of us.
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