I’ve previously shared in depth on Celibacy, and the Spiritual Path, and today let’s dive deeper into the topic as I share with you about the spiritual practice of dharmic celibacy: what it is, what it isn’t, and at the end I’ll share with you some words on those of you who have been celibate but now desiring to experience your path forward through a marriage or committed relationship.
Dharmic celibacy, also known as brahmacharya, is a practice of celibacy central to Hinduism, Buddhism and Jainism, though also in Christianity, aimed at spiritual development. It essentially involves controlling sensual desires and sexual thoughts in order to achieve spiritual liberation, master the mind, and conserve vitality.
Just to clarify though: Brahmacharya is a concept that is broader in meaning, referring to “living in Brahman” or “living in the divine” or “conduct consistent with Brahman” or “on the path of Brahman”. While often translated as dharmic celibacy, it essentially means to controlling the senses and managing one’s energy to lead a moral and moderate life, conserve vital energy, and focus on spiritual progress. For many spiritual practitioners, this involves moderating all desires and impulses to cultivate inner peace and joy. In other words, brahmacharya isn’t just about sexual chastity, but about the wise use of all life energy, including creative and mental energy.
The practice of dharmic celibacy is often seen as necessary for those seeking moksha, or spiritual liberation, as well as for those while studying spiritual texts. It is also seen as necessary for those serious about self realization, which happens while transcending the physical attachments or ego identifications.
Dharmic celibacy isn’t limited to sensual pleasure or sex, it often may include, depending on the belief or spiritual goal of the individual, abstinence from overindulging in food, and any other addiction or overindulgence.
It depends on the spiritual belief, but for example, in Hinduism, brahmacharya is often associated with the first stage of life, where students are expected to be celibate while studying the Vedas and other spiritual texts, such as astrology also. It is a period of disciplined learning, self-restraint, purification of mind and energy, and focus on spiritual growth, originally associated with students in the gurukul system. This celibacy is intended to preserve and channel vital energy, known as ojas, to enhance physical, mental, and spiritual strength for learning and liberation. Later on, some people may choose to remain or become renunciates, or sanyasa, and dharmic celibacy becomes their main path to liberation.
As another example, in Buddhism, monks and nuns also practice dharmic calibacy, as sexual desire is seen as obstacle to the mental concentration; and as their goal is detachment, they focus their desire on liberation. Celibacy is often practiced alongside other virtues, such as devotion and knowledge.
In Hinduism, the goal of celibacy is essentially to balance the Ida and Pingala Nadis, so that that Sushumna Nadi can open up and make way for the Kundalini Shakti to rise. This is an essential part of the spiritual path. Celibacy however doesn’t mean just physical, it means mental. So it isn’t just not doing things, it is about not thinking or obsessing about sex.
The understanding isn’t that “sex is bad”, of course it isn’t; it’s just that if you are, honestly and sincerely, seeking the goal of spiritual liberation and moksha, this is the path towards it. It isn’t detachment from desire per se, because those seeking moksha desire moksha, and they desire it very passionately.
But, and I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again because it’s important to understand, celibacy isn’t something you force on yourself to do or even want. If you force it onto yourself, it becomes yet another limitation you are imposing on yourself, and it becomes suppression also, which will work against you and certainly not be healthy for you neither.
You should never force yourself to be celibate, or anything else in life. It’s just about being honest with yourself about what do you actually desire in life. There’s no good or bad, or right or wrong, it’s just about being honest with yourself. Once you have that clarity, you will naturally choose what’s your best path, and act intentionally and accordingly.
Don’t rush your way, don’t rush your path, all happens in its own time. And certainly, don’t go into celibacy out of guilt, or because you think you should or someone told you to. Guilt and lust are actually very intimately linked together, and you will only fall into cycles of perpetual anguish or unhealthy patterns. So if you go into something – anything in life – out of guilt, you are essentially falling into a cycle of lust and then, unfulfillment, shame, inner conflict, etc. Guilt invites self punishment, which is why in relationship I often advise my clients to really be honest with themselves why they are staying with someone; if it’s out of guilt, that’s not love you are building.
So another thing about celibacy is that it is both on the physical and mental level, which essentially means that you shouldn’t force yourself or do it out of guilt, etc. You won’t be able to progress spiritually if you are suppressing your sexual desires. If you force yourself into physical celibacy, you are essentially “failing” on the mental level, and will just end up fantasizing a lot, either consciously in the waking state or subconsciously in dreams, and go further into lack of clarity on your path.
And so,
Rather than suppressing your sexual desires, take time to tune into yourself and be really honest about what your desires really. You need to have clarity about your desires, and what you really want.
All desires essentially stem from the same core: desire for liberation.
This may sound counterintuitive but that’s the truth. Your desire for too much food is that desire to kind of dissolve your desire about it; so you may end up over-indulging because you want to go so deep into this desire of it, that the desire itself dissolves your attachment to it, and you no longer want it.
If you are able to realize this truth about desire, then celibacy too may feel like a natural path that you wouldn’t even think about it.
In other words: celibacy is not the absence of desire, nor suppression of desire, but rather, celibacy is deep desire for moksha.
Celibacy is the expression of the desire for moksha.
So sex is the expression of your desire about what? You may need to figure that one out on your own. Is it living a life of pleasure and pain, is it seeking and longing for emotional connection, is it control and power, is it manipulation perhaps, is it emptiness you are trying to fill.
If we are not actually honest with ourselves about our true intentions, core needs and desires, we will always feel empty and seek external things to fulfill us; and yet nothing ever will fulfill us because we are not honest about what the core desire or need within us is. This is why it is important to be honest with yourself.
Sometimes it may feel really uncomfortable admitting certain truths to ourselves, we may even feel quite terrified of ourselves. But don’t judge yourself. Don’t judge what comes forth from the space of truth within you. Invite and welcome yourself. Encourage truth. Allow compassion within you, so that truth speaks and reveals itself. And then, once you are honest, of that self honesty act accordingly and choose consciously.
A question here that may arise for you may be how can you truly understand your desires and what if after fulfilling them another desire comes.
That’s precisely it: you will also have desires, but the fundamental desire of seeking freedom doesn’t change. So whether it is desire for material things, sexual desires, or food or freedom, it is all desire. Desiring freedom is also a desire. It’s about not entangling yourself to these, not chaining yourself to these.
But the desire for freedom, for knowledge, for higher truth, for moksha, for purity – these are so-called sattvic, so they are “purer”, in the sense that they seek something of higher energy or spiritual in nature, usually for the benefit of other people also. In order words, they stem out of a core desire to contribute, rather than rooted in the intention to take or be transactional in nature.
But all desires, whether superficial or not, basically superimpose upon that fundamental desire of liberation, though they appear to come and go, and they may keep changing along the way. It’s just about being honest to yourself, and keep it simple – don’t overthink or overcomplicate things. Don’t obsess over things. Just tune into the rhythm and flow of your energy and body, and it will guide you. Keep it simple, don’t obsess or overthink.
Perhaps I should also mention something quite commonly seen nowadays in some spiritual communities, and it’s basically that, as you may know already, celibacy is often connected to material success. And what has happened is that a lot of people practice it for this reason and mainly through this material benefits intention.
When one’s intention is spiritual development, and this is pure, and the intention is also to be of service to others, and this is pure also, then god takes care of the material needs, so that this person continues on their dharmic path. Material things or success is kind of like a byproduct. However, if someone is practicing celibacy purely for material benefits, then the person will not be able to progress for long or in the right way; and it may actually work to their detriment.
Material abundance is part of this world and it is part of the spiritual life as well; we have our senses, we have fabrics and foods to enjoy, and material abundance and money is part of this world and for us to experience also. It is all here for a reason: to give us a taste of what spiritual success may be like.
It’s kind of like flowers along the way towards the temple of god. Material success or abundance may be the flowers on the way, and they are beautiful, and we enjoy them, smell them, but we don’t take them nor pluck them; because if we do, we will hurt the flowers, destroy them, and the temple doors may close on us also.
In ancient times, many kings will renounce their riches towards the end of their life, so that they may walk on this path to moksha. So even though they may not have had that burning desire for moksha in their hearts throughout their lives, this forsaking of their wealth was to make their own efforts to ignite the internal flames.
And the last thing I’d like to share on this topic is that for those who have been celibate yet seek to move into and experience yourselves through an intimate relationship or marriage, then that’s perfectly beautiful also, if it is your true inner desire.
Practicing celibacy for a time in your life, when perhaps you’ve been devoted to spiritual study or purification for spiritual and intuitive development serves its purpose to purify the mind and energy, and out of their inner clarity and balance, you may choose the right partner for yourself, if you choose that as your path. Practicing celibacy often times creates the path towards a sacred union.
Marriage or an intimate relationship is not a failure of your celibacy, it is rather a new phase that requires your devotion and commitment to spiritual principles and mutual respect within your union. There are many paths to god, and marriage and relationships, based on love, are certainly a beautiful path to god also.
Everything in life is a relationship, and there are many ways of love, many different forms and shapes of relationships. Just like a monk is in a relationship to their church or faith and god, a man and a wife are in a relationship, and we all are in our own relationships with all in our day and within ourselves. It is not for us to judge the paths to god another person has or has chosen to have in their life. Each person’s path is unique to them. A brahmachari isn’t higher than another, and what matters is how we love and how we treat each other and how we move in life. A lot of people say a lot of things to be “higher”, or feed their spiritual egos, but we are all in the feet and hands of the divine; no one person is ever higher than another. A true brahmin knows this, and lives with this humbleness and respect for all people’s unique paths.
In some dharmic traditions, brahmacharya actually has a broader meaning of “living in Brahman” or “living in the divine”, which is not always limited to the sexual abstinence. So as such, a married life or a meaningful committed loving relationship is a path to realization also, as long as the mind and heart all remain aligned to higher truth and the divine.
As always, it is about you being honest with yourself and focusing on your intention. The essence of celibacy or chastity is truth and purity – it is about living a life of inner truth, authenticity and being self honest. It is about living a life of integrity and virtue, and having higher love as moral compass. It’s about living a life of love, and there are many ways to love, many ways of devotion. Know your why, know your intentions, and stay truthful to them, stay truthful to your heart. Truly, this is what matters. The rest is just different paths, and for each person it is unique to them.
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