Shoshin (Japanese: 初心) is a concept from Zen Buddhism meaning beginner’s mind. It refers to approaching life through openness, curiosity, and freeing ourselves of preconceptions no matter how much we may think we know something or someone.
While shoshin is referred to mainly in practices for learning, studying and the martial arts, the beginner’s mind is actually a meaningful practice for our every day; it is a way to deepen our relationships and also experience life in a more fulfilling way for ourselves overall. When we approach life and our partner, and all things and people around us, through an open mind, as if it’s the first time, we allow ourselves an opportunity for a deepening and a beautiful energy to enter us and dance us.
Wisdom knows: we begin the real path after we begin to unknow. As human beings we have very limited minds and conditioned understanding, and we’ll never know it all; the humility of this deserves to be treasured. A mystic is one who approaches life through an openness, and allows life to become him; just as the dancer becomes the dance itself, the singer the song, the dreamer the dream. It is only through us allowing life its freedom that the divine and truly mystical can reveal itself to us.
The beginner’s mind is essentially about dropping our expectations, judgments and preconceived ideas and seeing another with an open mind, open heart, and fresh eyes as if it’s the first time. Whether it is writing, photography, walking outside in a park or even making tea – when we approach it through the freedom of our heart and mind’s openness and willingness to learn, re-learn, re-discover and re-explore, we allow something beautiful to unfold – and we become mystics, we become lovers, we experience our life in new ways allowing ourselves to grow, evolve and expand.
The beginner’s mind is the devotion to live with wonder, live with awe, and to remain curious. Curiosity itself is a Godly trait – this is how we find God, because to find the unknown, to experience the mystical, we need to be willing to remain open to things beyond our perceptions.
In our intimate relationships, when we rely on assumptions we will lose our freshness and creativity. What we see in another person, no matter how long we’ve known them or lived with them under the same roof, is only a very small amount of their mystery. And their mystery, as well as ours, is ever-changing in every moment of every day. In many ways, we will never know another fully and we may never even know ourselves fully.
Through the beginner’s mind, we learn to see one another mindfully and curiously, free from preconceptions and from our fixed views about them. And this is how we learn to listen more closely, more intimately, more deeply, more intentionally, and to be more playful too. As Rilke says, “For there are moments, when something new has entered into us, something unknown; our feelings grow mute in shy perplexity, everything in us withdraws, a stillness comes, and the new, which no one knows, stands in the midst of it and is silent.”
When we have that sense of an open-minded and willing approaching, we start to explore our partner rather than get stuck in the same old things. We explore them like art. We acknowledge and honour the humility and truth that no matter how long we’ve lived together under the same roof, we all change in our inner worlds, and we must explore and re-explore one another like art – to see our nuances and changing strokes of the brushes, the movements along the colours, and the different ways in which the light shines upon and reflects various parts of the painting, and our skins, and our inner unique emotional and spiritual wildlands. We also learn to pay attention – and the greatest lovers are the ones who pay attention.
Rekindling the spark and keeping the fire burning requires a certain sense of mysticism and eroticism – both of which deal with creativity and approaching one another through the freedom of the beginner’s mind. Eroticism isn’t sex; it’s sexuality transformed through imagination and creativity. In a way, the crisis of desire is the crisis of imagination.
We need to allow ourselves some space in which we can imagine the unfamiliar, and then allow this imagination to guide us towards more pleasure with our partner. This space does not have to be physical, and in fact, it isn’t physical. It is in us. Our imagination, our curiosity, our desire and our playfulness are found inside of us – in who we are and what we bring to the experience of our intimate relationships. It is about our ability to be receptive, willing, open and responsive.
Intimacy isn’t about sex, it is about a space that is entered where boundaries dissolve and we create the magic word called “us” – the merged land within which we can feel seen for who we truly are; but to be seen for who we truly are we need to first take off our armour and enter that space through vulnerability and willingness to be known and seen.
Love is a seeing and of being seen, a knowing and of being known, but of flesh but through the flesh.
The beginner’s mind allows us to re-learn, re-explore and re-discover one another; to kiss, care and hold each other not in the way we always did, but in the way we need to right now. This is the art of loving, because loving is art. It is about becoming artists, mystics, lovers, painters, poets, approaching one another through the softening of skins, and openness of minds and heart – because love is freedom. Love is the freedom to be our true selves, our playful selves, and swim in the sea while it rains, walk barefoot on the cobblestone streets and get romantically lost in Venice.
Within each of us are our inner wildlands – our unique physical, emotional and spiritual wildlands. We have various temperatures, soils, landscapes, languages and wildlife and starry skies – and each can be explored, and re-explored, as time moves us. Long term relationships aren’t about the white picket fences; we may sometimes find ourselves out in the winderness, and there, we must re-learn how to make fire with sticks. But still, hand in hand, holding on holding strong, we can look into each other’s eyes, turn off our money minds recycling the same old things, and say yes to each other again each day. Say yes not just with lips but with souls also; say yes to re-discover one another, put body next to body, skin against skin, and re-awaken yourselves into the remembering “hey, I like this person”.
And when your beloved, your chosen one, asks to know you, open to him; open for him like a flower and tell him. Tell him your mysteries, desires, wisdoms and heart’s secrets. Tell him not just because, but because your soul asked you to.
How to practice the beginner’s mind:
The beginner’s mind is essentially about paying attention and putting ourselves in freedom and playful curiosity – to see ourselves with fresh eyes, and then all else with fresh eyes also. Drop any preconceived ideas about a subject and enter it openly.
For example, go out for a walk along the same place where you may have always walked each day. Pay attention to your walk and see if you can notice new things today. Empty yourself of ideas so that you can see what’s actually in front of you.
Take photos of a flower of tree in your park, and keep taking photos of them for a week for example – see how it changes and all the new petals or shades. Pay attention to how you feel also; is there anything unexpected or surprising?
Is there a story you’ve always thought you knew or are an expert in? Perfect! Re-read it. Can you notice something new arising from it? Try to challenge yourself into entering new subjects or hobbies as if you are no expert in them, and try to be playful and curious. Ask yourself random questions about it to try to see a different perspective. And no matter how much you think you know about something stay playful and ask yourself “well, what else can I learn, what if what I already know isn’t all there is?”
Experience yourself in new ways. Never liked poetry? Why not try to write a poem or read one, you may find joy in experiencing yourself as poetry. Never liked wearing a specific colour? Maybe try it out. Experience yourself as an artist today, a mystial dancer, a muse, a song. Become the dance, the song, the poem, see how your body feels and how it moves in different lights and textures.
Think impossible thoughts! Yep, the more non-sensical the better! This is to challenge your mind to consider things outside your perceptions; and the point isn’t about whether or not it’s true or right or false or possible – the intention is to challenge your own narratives, get unstuck and consider openness of possibilities activating your imagination.
Talk to a loved one and ask them questions to get to know a different side to them. For example, what were your mother’s or father’s favourite fairytales when they were young, what was their favourite thing to do, did they have a secret hiding place, what was their dream or favourite place to visit.
Try not to assume things about people and just ask them. If you have a partner and they’ve always loved eating more salt in their food – do they still like it? Perhaps they’ve changed their tastes. Take this way of thought and approach into other areas.
Get playful! Play a questions game where you ask each other questions. Never liked rain? Well, perhaps it’s time to try dancing in the rain or swimming in the sea while it rains! Explore the ways in which you connect to one another – there are many ways we do this, there are many temperatures we have, different movements we like at different times and phases of our life or day, and different emotional preferences and physical needs also. Explore each other like art.
Pay attention to each other. Leave your phone, leave your ideas behind, turn off the tv and distractions and look into each other’s eyes to see the person for who they are right now. Ask them how they are. Ask them what they need and how you may show up for them right now in the way they need, not in the way you think they need or want in return.
Everything in life begins with noticing. Stay present in the simple perfection of just knowing each other and being beside each other. A love that pays attention is a love that is alive. Stay grateful for your now, and stay playful and open about the awe and freedom of the after that may happen.
Cover photograph by me of me with our wild flowers adorning me as my jewellery.
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