Why do we love the people we love? Why do we feel inevitably pulled towards someone? Is there love at first sight? How are destiny, fate and karma woven into our human relationships?

All of our relationships in this life have the potential to become meaningful experiences allowing us an opportunity for a deepening. They are not mere chances nor meetings of coincidences – they are for the fulfillment of higher spiritual purpose and for the spiritual growth of both partners.

There is nothing accidental about the significant people in our life; people come together because they’ve been together in past lives, and it is this soul impulse that moves them towards one another again. Nothing we learn from one another is ever forgotten, love re-incarnates as love, and any disharmony needs to be corrected, which is why the two may have come together again. Each one of us is given an opportunity to become a better person in this life, come into greater self knowledge and self awareness – which is the opportunity for a deepening I speak of – and through our appropriate use of free will through self awareness and alignment to higher values and to love, we move past the karmic memory imprints creating a new pathway forward of greater love for us. There are choices to be made always, which depend solely on our free will and how we choose to use it.   

Love is a surrender, it is a growth; it is a land and a soil that can be left dry or it can be made fruitful through our tending to is and nourishing it through the dedication and devotion of both partners. The union of hearts, spirit, bodies and mind need to be not for the desire of self but for the complete union of the us. Love endures, love understands, love forgives; do not stand waiting for the other person, act and give of what you desire to see and receive. We cannot receive from another what we haven’t already given to them.

We come together in the ring of love, the ring of Venus – and it is within this ring that we may evolve and help one another transform, supporting each other on our unique paths, united by a greater goal and values. Each partner may grow at their own pace, has their own unfolding and timing, but the love transformation are meant to be within the circle, within the ring. The main purpose of soulmates is to support one another on their spiritual paths. Of course we feel physically and emotionally drawn to each other based on our shared past experiences, which is sometimes called the karmic memory, but our present moment and future dharma depends on our choices now in our present moment and willingness to use our free will appropriately and with greater love and self awareness.

If you want harmony in your life, create harmony in the lives of others. If you want generosity, be generous. If you want trust and love, do not expect betrayal from around the corner. If you want emotional understanding, be emotionally understanding towards the other first. 

Let us think for a moment about the person we love most and ask ourselves what is the nature of our relationship to them. By making sense of how we love and accept them unconditionally, we can ask ourselves what we are really feeling. It is probably a total devotion we feel, which is why we wish the best for them in each and every moment, no matter what their best may mean for us; and it is this devotion and love that moves us towards doing our best for them to help and support them in their direction.

The next step is to ask ourselves what kind of love puts the needs of others above our own – where are we selfless. If we can gain insight into the nature and dynamics of this kind of relationship, then we have understood what we may feel one day for every soul on earth. The development of each soul may only be completed when it learns to love this way. 

Love is what gives us life. Desire is what pulls us in. This is why our ascendant in astrology is what shows our path of life – and why we are born – and why we are born is out of our unfulfilled desires that we desire to experience. These desires are only based on love. Imagine a corridor, and there are sparkles of light on the sides of it – and if you zoom in you’d see each sparkle is a person you love; this is what pulls you in, into this life, to re-incarnate and be born. We follow the light, we follow the love. Because in the spirit realms we can only see what we love – if we don’t love it, we cannot see it. This is why in esotericism and mystic studies it is said that angels speak the language of love, and this is only what they understand; so if a human speaks the word “apple”, angels will only understand it if the person loves the apple.

And then when we are born we continue to follow this love; we go where the love is. We move towards that we love and those we love, through our recognition of their soul and light our heart knows of them. Life is a contract of love. Some people we’ll meet are those we’ve loved for many lives, others we’ll re-learn to love again or love anew, and others are those re-incarnations or manifestations of those we love from the other side. Everything that plays out in this life is for the purpose of love – these are the threads that unite us. But in order to recognize one another in love, in soul love, we need to also be first connected to our own soul and heart, which is why you may have heard some mystics and spiritual teachers say “to meet your soulmate you must first meet your soul”.

We may understand karma as the the result of inharmonious manifestation of love between people, and a chance for us to deepen ourselves through the opportunity of creating balance and harmony. As disharmony increases and there is greater imbalance between give and take, the karma will weigh heavier; and as we nurture more harmony and balance, the karma soothes and relieves, thereby allowing us to create and experience something new.

From a higher spiritual perspective, love between two people is not manifested in just one life; we can only love each other and feel drawn to one another because we’ve shared other lives. If you love someone now it’s because they’ve loved you before, they’ve done you good, and now you may give to them good and love also. This is why soulmate love, whether with parents or intimate partners, is unbreakable – because it’s been woven again and again, life after life, from a time before time beyond time. When people have loved each other truly, they will be pulled again and again, and no time and distance can change how they feel. This is an immovable truth. This is why you are pulled towards them in love – because your soul recognizes they loved you.

But what happens with us as human beings is that we often don’t love truly and fully, we only love or say we love out of what serves us. We love someone only if they love us, or as long as they do as we want and as long we take what we want. But that’s not genuine love, that’s a desire for a one-sided transaction. That’s greed, because we say, “Oh if they don’t love me now and pay attention to me now, whatever, I don’t love them!” People nowadays don’t love, they use. So in these situations, what may be done instead is to love them, do them good, treat them respectfully, wish the best for them.

You can’t love a person who hasn’t loved you prior to this life. If one did not properly take and the other did not properly give, you cannot love each other mutually and truly. When there’s been disharmony or imbalance, there will need to be a balancing. So don’t be concerned with the other does for you, try to be compassionate and supportive; perhaps it is now your turn to be more giving. You are drawn to someone because they’ve loved you and it is your turn to be a better person, respect them and give to them, and even if they don’t love you the way you do, you should still accept that and not turn mean nor want them just for selfishness. Selfishness and taking are not love.

Everything you wish to receive, you must give of yourself to others first. With our hidden negative intentions, low esteem and insecurities, we bring forth this from others also; and with our kindness and love, we bring this forth from them also. When someone says “Oh, no one thinks about me”, whom do you think about? How do you make someone’s day better, how do you encourage and support others, how do you respect others and give to them and love them? When we throw glass on the floor, we’ll walk upon it also and hurt ourselves. We all have the free will to make our choices no matter how the ground now looks like.

There are choices to be made always, and we can choose to unhold our hands from the karmic wheel as well. This is what “turn the other cheek means” – resist becoming those who harmed you, resist the circling around, grace is what trumps karma always. If a soul came to you and asked you “please, betray me and hurt me, so that I learn my lesson, and I’ve hurt you before, so you can now pay me back my karma” – what would you say? You still have the choice to resist all within you of righteousness and all lower urges, and say, “no, I choose not to, be free, I cannot hurt you for I choose not to hold my hands on the wheel anymore.” People justify their actions all the time through the old mentality of the lower realms of the “eye for an eye” – and this is what keeps people stuck in negative cycles. If you want to rise, you need to rise.

We have to learn to love, forgive, and just appreciate the fact that we are even born, and have another chance at love and being better human beings. To be alive is a priviledge not given to all who desired it. Treasure this life, treasure the people, and try to unhold your hands from what you no longer choose to be.

Thoughts move, feelings move, actions move – do not set traps in other people’s hearts and mind and paths, for it is you who will fall within them eventually. Hold a higher norther star of higher values that you abide by, and stay true to that. People who harm others are those sick souls who are stuck in cycles they can’t even be aware of, and that’s a sad world for them, that’s their own burdens to carry not yours – do you be like them, choose the higher path. Love people for God’s sake, and because that’s the kind of person that you are. God holds you and lives within the church of you – in the home of your heart.

If you’ve loved each other in prior lives, you’ll love each other still, these things don’t just change, because love incarnates as love, just as greed as greed, lack as lack, and it is through our current way of living and the choices we make that we may create something new for ourselves and one another to be born.

Two people come together in love for a reason and higher purpose – there is no chance in love meetings; but relationships and destiny itself are an interweaving between necessity and freedom.

Necessity and freedom interweave in our destiny. Is life fate, destiny, or free will? It is all together, a blend of all; all various faces of the same coin. 

The necessity is the impulse from all past lives and past free will choices that have paved your path; it is the karmic balance necessity and our higher selves longing to put into balance all that isn’t yet. The necessity is the seemingly mystical hand that will pull you together because we meet people by destiny; whom you’re meant to meet you’ll meet even if you hide in a cave in the mountains. If you look back, you will see all the threads that pulled you together; how many unique twists and turns and seeming “coincidences” had to happen for you to meet another person; and they too can look back and see all the ways in which they were led to meet you too. Your paths have been guided all along in remarkable ways, so that both of you can meet and your two worlds will touch. 

What comes after the meeting is the expression of freedom, of mutually free relationship and behaviour. It is a freedom of our choices in love – the approaching, the merging of worlds, and the choice of what land we’ll build anew upon the soil of our us; because when two souls meet and kiss, a third is born: the soul of the relationship, and it has its own physical, emotional and spiritual soil. There is freedom of will and of choices and decisions – how the soil will be taken care of and nourished, what new karma you may build upon the prior, what flowers you may nurture and birth or choose not to upon the land you will walk.

Love is a knowing and of being known not of flesh but through the flesh. The first knowing of the necessity to be known is the destined meeting; and then comes the knowing and weaving of the new land. Love is to be embodied through our every day lips, hands and seemingly ordinary gestures along the circling staircases of our life.

Love is a seed of God, and it grows within the home of our heart – so it is only up to us to nurture us. If we want a garden of sweetly scented flowers, we may have it through our nurturing, tending and care; but it is something to be dedicated towards. Within a relationship we need to put in the effort and deepen into love and harmony and compassion. We must learn to love and give to another not only when we “feel like it”, not give based on what we want in turn – we need to give to another in the way they need to be given, and we must stay present.

Love is a will to be as are. Love says “I will you to be, I want the best for you, I love your mere presence in my life and how through loving you I deepen in feeling and expand in my chest. I will you to be, for it is the mere perfection of just knowing you in this life that is love for me.”

Love opens us to the greater mysteries of life. What is that iron necessity guiding us? When we contemplate the people we’ve loved and reflected on the dynamics of the relationships, we may find what karmic harmony had to be restored, and which ones were of soulmate unions. Neither one is less than or more than the other. To meet your soulmate you need to meet your soul; and all those relationships before are only of that purpose – to guide you within meeting yourself.

Love peels the layers off our bark to release our true fragrance. It peels off our false identities, conditioned beliefs, judgments, biases – it peels it all off. Love is here to grow us, shift us, transform us, make us better people, more loving, more kind – so that we come to understand how to love – and when we know how to love, we know what real love is.

Reflecting on our relationships and what brought us together karmically or not is purposeful. We can be grateful. We can be grateful for the paths that crossed, and all we learned, and at the multitude of decisions along the way that resulted in us meeting one another. We can be grateful for the necklace of life.

Absolutism sinks us in the water like stones and does not allow us to recognize the beautiful nuances in between; and to be able to recognize the nuances, and appreciate them, and see them from a greater perspective is a welcoming first step towards opening the doorway of our understanding of the greater picture of karma. There is no need to put people and relationships in categories or boxes, all are purposeful in their own way and for your benefit of soul growth.

To love is a blessing. Through loving others truly we love ourselves truly and come into greater union within. We can be grateful that we have someone to love.

We can be grateful for those who love us and the opportunities we have to love another, because this allows us to learn what true love really is; and this allows us soul growth. We can be grateful for the opportunities to work with others and create beautiful things in the world that contribute to others. We can be grateful for our family, because it is sacred and a great teaching of love – it is a story of love, of trust, of patience and deeper understanding; the humble understanding that no matter what happens and how different we are, outside of our role as parents or children, we are all human.

We can be grateful for the flames that drive us, fire us, unite us. We can be grateful for the flame that ignites inspiration in others and sparks love within them, and leaves little sparkles of fireflies like candle flames along their way to guide them also. We can be grateful for our talents, gifts and skills, and how we use them to contribute to others, to be better people, spouses, children, parents, friends. We can be grateful for our senses, for the way we feel and touch and see and taste, for these too have been earned by our love in other lives, and these too are part of karmic impulse.

Who is the soulmate or eternal beloved?

It is like the external life force of you. We cannot separate our breath from ourselves, so it is in our soulmate; and in the other we recognize this divine breath and we treasure it, and through this we treasure our own breath and come into deeper breathing. Our soulmate is essentially our external walking breath. This is how we view and see them and perceive them, but the relationship itself needs to be based upon selfless service.

There are four main principles upon which love can be sustained: integrity, in service to other, tolerance and humility. Without integrity there isn’t much else; we must be willing to walk our talk and do the right thing even when no one is watching; we need to be aligned to certain higher values. Integrity is about actions, and actions matter. It is what trust is then based upon, and trust is what all relationships are built upon.

Then comes the selfless service – the recognition of the one breath, of our union, of our desire to devote and give to the other what they need not what we want in turn nor what we think they should receive. We shift our eyes away from self and towards the other for we recognize we are all part of one. The beloved is one for whom the real wealth in life is service. Just the opportunity to be able to love another is what gives the soul its depth of experience regardless of what the other is; and the gift of being in service to another, and humanity, is what gives it wealth and purpose and true joy in heart and soul.

Then is the tolerance – our ability and willingness to accept different perspectives from ours, while staying true to our core essence. It is the ability to stay true to yourself and do the right thing regardless of whether others see it and appreciate it, and even when you are misunderstood you continue to do the right thing because it’s the right thing because you love for God’s sake not for people’s opinions – real love means to express your service no matter if you are in popular situation or in the quiet rooms.

And then is the humility – our bridge to love. Humility is what gives us the right proportions in life and within the vast fabric of the universe and the interconnection of all and everything; and it is what connects us to another and to life itself more deeply. The word humility itself comes from the meaning of “being of the earth”, which is about the present moment and being grounded. It is about patience and gratitude and faith and trust. It is all within itself. We cannot love without humility, and we cannot connect to anything meaningful without humility. Humility is love, is trust, is faith. 

And when it’s time, it’s time. The one you seek you’ll find, no matter where you are and where you’re hiding – he will find you. Because love re-incarnates as love, and that’s a power greater than all else. There is a necessity, a mysterious hand, it cannot be changed because like rivers flow to sea, what is will always be. So do not worry, do not doubt, what you seek is seeking you and will find you through the desires of your together souls and hearts.

So who is the destined love? It is you. It is your life. It is the love that pulled you in, the breath that gives you life, it is that which moves your body into life.

God is the essence of good; goodness is from his nature. This whole experience we are having on earth is a by-product of this divine love, because love creates, love shares of itself with another. This is what we are here for.

Love has various shapes and forms, different speeds and movements. It unfolds through patience, generosity, compassion, forgiveness, grace, joy, creativity, kindness, tenderness. Follow the love. Become the love. Love is your destiny. And you need to become it, embody it through your own lips, hands and gestures; live in love, love others, because living in love is living in purpose.

For more of my writings, browse through my Art of Love.

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Cover photograph by me of our beautiful wild roses.

In-text art: on the left is a pencil sketch by my brother, who is an architect, artist and guitar player; and on the right is a photograph by me of our wild roses.

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