Dear readers,
This is part one of my series Mystic Nights. Think of it as nightly stories where I sit down to share whatever comes forth in the way of water, cultivating a space for mysticism and esoteric understanding. May it be of benefit to you wherever you are in your life and unique path. Tonight, let’s talk about trust and finding answers.
Many years ago I had a dream visitation by my grandfather. We played with a rugby ball, and I were to ask him three questions each time I’d throw the ball to him. For the first two he gave me clear answers, and for my third I asked him to please tell me what will happen in my personal life, as I was having a hard time deciding between two men. He smiled and said, “I’d love to tell you but you told me not to.”
Knowing that this is something I’d totally say because I’ve always been paving my own path, walking the beat of my own drum and basically sometimes being a bit of a stubborn donkey not listening to anyone other than myself, I knew what he had told me in my dream had deep roots in truth and esoteric knowledge. I knew, because I know what truth feels like – it feels like peace and clear knowing.
As the years followed and I was diving deeper into mysticism, astrology, all the intuitive realms and ancient esoteric teachings, I learned not just through my personal experience and mystical encounters, but also through my work with clients that sometimes it is our higher self that puts a pause on getting the exact answers. Most of us are aware we make soul contracts prior to re-incarnation, but we also make contracts, or vows, with ourselves.
We make a vow to ourself that for certain things we should not be told the answer or exact timing, because this is an area we need to develop on our own through trust. We make vows to be told only certain things at certain times, and no matter what psychic or astrologer you seek, there are certain veils beyond which they can’t peak. This is because we want to find out on our own.
In times of instability it is human nature to tighten up the reigns and seek exact answers, because we need stability, and knowing and control give us stability. In this uncertain thing called life it is only natural to need stability. This is why we have numbers, categories, identities, and even boats – we need something clear with borders, controlled shape, so that we can give ourselves some comfort in understanding it and seeing it a little better. Perhaps that’s why we even have skin – to give our souls some stability also.
But the truth is that we’ll never know it all, because we were never meant to know it all anyway. The humility of this deserves to be treasured. With our conditioned minds and limited understanding we can’t even possibly understand the answers if they looked us in the eyes. And sometimes we say “tell me” with our human lips, but say “don’t” with our souls. And the lips of our soul have the final saying. This you need to understand.
As for the two men, I chose neither. Even back then I knew my answer but I was doubting myself, and was looking for some green light, some confirmation from outside, some certainty. And yet it was precisely in not having that certainty that I gained trust. I was so grateful for that. I was grateful to have been given the freedom to go through the process, balancing what needed to, untangling the threads needed to, and that it all took its needed time – as I learned to feel comfortable looking toward the unknown horizons of the wide open seas. It’s actually such a release to say I don’t know. It feels so good, so freeing. And that’s when the real paths begin.
There were so many amazing and meaningful things I learned along the way, which were integral for my soul’s growth and path in this life. I can see now the reasons and purpose and how it all aligns perfectly always – but if you had told me that “truth” back then, I would not have been able to absorb it in the higher way, I would have missed its pearls of wisdom, and I would have robbed myself of the experience along the way which deeply enriched me and I am so happy it all happened the way it did.
Looking back now, it was precisely during the moments when I didn’t have any answers that I learned to trust my own guidance and intuition, and sharpened my senses. It was during these moments of in-betweens that I’d strengthen my spiritual core, trust, faith, and experience amazing mystical encounters. It was in these moments when I let go and stepped into the wild unknowns that life itself offered itself to me, revealed its truths beyond the veils, its magic, and I grew so much on a soul level. And that’s priceless.
So if you are wondering why you don’t know your exact time of birth and astrologers can’t peak into your divisional charts of past lives etc. – that’s why. If you are wondering why you are getting a spirit baby reading and it’s not saying anything specific – that’s why. If you are wondering why your psychic, who predicts for others timing to the exact date, and yet for you she never sees the exact time – that’s why. If you are wondering why she keeps seeing you meeting the one, but year goes by and then another and then another, and then another, and you haven’t yet met him – that’s why.
It is all about trust.
This is one of the most important lessons of this life – because this is your key to the door which opens you for your higher path. Trust is not something we just learn – it’s something that needs to move through our body. It is an arrow, like faith, invisible but divine, and yet it becomes tangible, that almost needs to be felt physically in our hands, enter our bodies, and move us forward in life.
We need to trust that there is higher guiding us and into whose hands we are. The souls of our feet are leading us where we need to. Trust that you are smart enough to have outwitted your ego and limiting beliefs and all conditioned things, so that your higher self knows when it’s yes and when it’s not yet.
There is a timing to information, there are seasons for information. We need to learn to trust the cycles of the land – in nature, and in our personal lives. Everything in life has its season and timing. And simply put – we were never meant to know it all at a specific time. There are the higher spiritual laws.
Sometimes this is because we need to experience some other things first, so that we can even come to the understanding of the “next”; we need to have the eyes to see and understand the information we thought we wanted. Other times it is because if we know the “answers” right away, we would ultimately rob ourselves of all the other experiences in-between.
This is why if you go to a psychic they may tell you something that’s been written like you meeting your person, and yet not really know when. Sometimes they’ll tell you when only for the year to come and go and nothing happens – so that you still have trust and faith, and just let it all go. Surrender, trust and faith are divine – and we step onto these lands we essentially step into the mysticism of life, and these serve the confidence on our path that way. Because this is how we build strong muscles of self trust and self confidence also. This is how we sharpen our own senses also. When we are willing to open up our palms – we’ll be held. And we can’t know we’ll be held unless we open our palms to be held.
I once had a client who didn’t know her exact time of birth – it was in a period within one hour. So I agreed to do her reading shifting within the time frame, doing some reverse engineering and also using my own intuition to feel into her Ascendant through her energy; and basically, I just gave her the two options of her human design profile, and then guided her on how to tune into her own body and intuition to see which one may resonate more. But anyway – so in the beginning she was feeling so ashamed she didn’t have her time of birth, and I told her that perhaps there is a reason why – I told her she has a free spirit and a wonderfully curious nature, and this exploration of dates that I’ll take her on is perhaps just to deepen her own inner explorer and mystic. The reading was amazing and she resonated with it, and she had the opportunity to experiment and explore which ones resonate with her, etc.
Surprise, surprise – a couple of months later she wrote back to tell me she finally found her time of birth, it was as I thought it was – but more than anything, she loved how much she had actually enjoyed the process of self exploration and not knowing. With Venus being her atmakaraka, this was all about the various tastes and experiences for her. And she shared how through the process she also faced her own judgments and pre-conceptions on various Ascendants and human design profiles, and feels so much freer now and open to different energies and people’s personalities.
I’ll tell you another story. There was a girl who was completely sick of her job and her boyfriend and consulted a psychic. The psychic told her that she should stay in her job and stay with the boyfriend because she won’t find a job and she won’t find a better man neither.
Well, the girl got so pissed that the next week she quit her job, moved out of the apartment, broke up with the boyfriend and moved to another city. Within three months she had found a better job and was having a great exciting new life; she felt happier than ever before. A few years later she found a “better man also” – that’s a quote. So – was the psychic wrong? Or did the psychic tell her exactly what the girl needed to hear to take the actions that she needed to take based on her personality?
Trust is the language of spirit.
I recently had a client for a spirit baby reading, who knew of her spirit baby but felt so sadly that no matter how much she’d ask it to communicate it wouldn’t. She’d pray for it for signs and messages but “nothing” would come. And the message that I received for her was “trust is the language of spirit”. She was in a time whose purpose was a deepening of trust and letting her feel more peaceful to let go of expectations and control.
Trust is its language and communication, which essentially means we need to let go of expectations of how it would communicate. So every time you let go of the questions, you are communicating with it. Every time you are opening your palms in surrender and letting go of the need to know, you are communicating with it. Every time you are saying “okay, if you can’t come to me in dreams it is okay, I love you, let me just stay here in this perfect simplicity of just knowing you are here even if I can’t see you or talk to you in my dreams” – this is communication.
This kind of communication isn’t soothing for us and our human senses, because knowing gives us a sense of stability and safety, and especially when we long for something, for our child, of course we want to communicate with it in clearer ways – but that’s not how evolved souls communicate. The moment you don’t attach thoughts on “how”, that’s when it may show up. So don’t worry about it. You are connected already and it’s not going anywhere.
Mysticism begins with the I don’t know. It’s a knowing of I don’t know that is in-bodied, the way your body feels when it is floating in a salt water pool. For the mystic’s path the wild unknowns are where we walk, and in these lands only through the I don’t know life reveals the answers when we need them. Some answers we know we’ll know, others we know we will never know, and we need to know to discern when it’s appropriate to know them anyway.
The truth is the our lives don’t belong to us – they belong to our soul, or higher self, and this belongs to God. We are not here to know it all for ourselves, we are here to be moved by love and be in service to others for their betterment.
Our spiritual gifts too are not meant for us, they are meant for other people – they are meant to be danced for others; whether to inspire them, to share insight with them, it is all for us to help others in this life, and hopefully contribute to making this world more loving, more humane, more compassionate, more understanding. Spirituality is not for the ego or social media likes or whatever else people do nowadays – it is a selfless thing in which we leave the ego at the front door and then enter the realms with deep discernment; discernment is key, because only then we can discern true from false. And yet again, and always, this life doesn’t belong to us, it belongs to God. And in these hands, whose face we’ll never see, we need to trust and serve and be held in, and allow ourselves to be the vessel through which love speaks and shapes.
We are here to build love, emit love. Love is meant to be embodied, to unfold through us – through the way we shape it through our lips, hands and gestures along the circling ordinary staircases of our life.
The rest unfolds as it needs, have trust in the divine unfolding of your life.
“What is this feeling?” I ask the weaving woman.
“You don’t need to know what’s coming. It’s growing in strength coming closer. You’re being prepared now, so just keep noticing it in the sound of the trees and the animal speaks. Keep yourself open to it like you have been, allow it to come to you, in its time.”
Answers will come in their own way. It can come through a commercial, a stranger, the cashier in the store, a holy messenger like an animal or even through a flower, or during an ordinary moment while folding the laundry. It will come in some ordinary, seemingly meaningless manner, but when it does – we’ll feel this was what we were looking for.
And then we may doubt it, so …
That’s okay also. There is a little room for doubt we all have; in this room we take some time to cuddle up and stay there when we need to, but then we come out. Doubt too is part of the path, all emotions are, they all have room at God’s table.
Confirmations will come after, often when we don’t look for them and we’ve opened our palms again. Let it reveal itself to you, let it come, stay in wonder for it, stay in awe and stay unwritten space on the pages of your diary for the magic to surprise you.
What’s yet unfound only means it isn’t lost. But if you have a true desire in your heart it means you are meant to move towards it and experience it, otherwise you would not have had that desire in the first place. Don’t hurry up your life, each moment carries little wisdoms.
Trust the natural unfolding of your life. Trust yourself. And allow life the space that it needs for things to come together.
Have patience. Because just like when we sow the seeds no matter how ready we are for the roses to bloom, they need their sweet time to bloom. We are not the center of the universe – the rest have their own timing and order too for all the pieces to come together. Meanwhile we should continue to cultivate the nurturing environment needed for the bloom. Everything grows with time and there is learning involved. It is in the discovery that our perceptions expand – so it is the trusting and patience in the process that are very needed and purposeful.
Like rivers flow to sea, what is will always be.
What belongs to you will always find you, because it belongs to you; we can never stray too far from who we are.
And until then, relax, take care of yourself, perhaps go play or go on a vacation, and gently say,
I am grateful for what is yet to come.
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The beautiful cover art is by Vicente Romero Redondo. All rights reserved to the artist. His official website is https://vicenteromeroredondo.com/
