When two souls meet and kiss, a third soul is born: the soul of their relationship.

A dear reader and client of mine recently asked a question, and I thought I’d share it here too, as I feel it’d be of benefit for many people. She had shared a deeply emotional connection with a man for a few years, and while she still felt connected to him and had feelings for him, she had finally come to realize and make the clear decision that her path forward, for her best self, didn’t include him any longer. However, despite her trying to break away from him, she’d feel him thinking of her, she’d feel his energy around her entangled in hers, and he was refusing to let go, telling her how much he still loved her, and they’d continue some contact once in a while. This made it really difficult for her to break free and move on.

So what can she do? How do we deal with break-ups and move away peacefully and fully, when we’ve shared deep emotions with someone? What are soul ties – and how can we break them, so that we reclaim our soul? Is there really such a thing as soul ties, or is it just us refusing to let go and move on?

What are soul ties?

Soul ties are a complex topic, and one impossible to cover fully in one article – but essentially, a soul tie is a connection with someone deeply embedded into your soul. It is the emotional and spiritual bond that unites you with another person.

When two souls meet and emesh themselves in a depth of emotional, physical and spiritual connection, a third soul is born: the soul of the relationship. The relationship is not merely a thing outside of us, or a concept or an idea – it has its own being, needs, desires, and it is born, grows and thrives along its own unique emotional and spiritual wild land.

When you have a soul tie to someone, your souls are knit together – like a thread, a string, through which you continue to be connected even if apart. These can also be with someone who don’t yet know in this life, such as a past-life partner. Because of the depth of emotional and spiritual connection that you’ve shared, whether in this life or a past, residues and memories of this love and intimacy have imprinted into your own stream of consciousness. When you are separate from them, you may continously feel as though something is missing from the depth of your core. And that something isn’t a mere longing or a feeling coming from a lack within you – it is literally a part of your soul that is as if missing.

Soul ties can happen within family bonds, friendships and work relationships, and mainly, in this article we will discuss their implications on romantic relationships. Usually, it was said and believed that they begin forming after sexual intercourse with a partner. Through sex, we open up our energetic field entirely, and souls bind. Even if it is casual, you will still be bound and tied to that person. It is said that we carry the energy of a sexual partner in our field for up to 7 years after our last intercourse with them. When we have sex with someone, we essentially imprint on one another- our energies bind and in some instances, we imprint parts of their karmic memory onto us. In other words, I would advice you not to sleep with anyone you don’t want to become.

You can read more about sexual energy in my article The Spiritual Secrets of Sexual Energy and also, The Feminine Mysteries: Power of the Womb where I also share at the end a ritual for an energetic release from an intimate partner.

Just as we have emotional, past life and spiritual memory imbedded in our consciousness, we also have body memory. Runanubandha is a certain kind of physical memory, which we pick up and then carry within us mainly because of our sexual relationships. But it also happens because of all else we are made up of physically. You carry body memory from the childhood of your parents – how they played with their toys, for example, which will essentially shape up your own way of preference towards specific toys. This is why it is emphasized that the moment a woman decides to have a child, even as just a thought or idea or desire, she should start being mindful of all she watches, listens to, talks, her surroundings and the decisions and movements and gestures she makes – because it will, inevitably, imprint on the consciousness of her child.

Runanubandha can be acquired due to blood relationships or sexual relationships. When it comes to sexual relationships, a woman’s body has much more memory because of her natural yin energy. Her emotional connection to her lineage begins to fade when she becomes pregnant, so that she can now accumulate and make space for the memory of her child’s father, or another man.

It is said that we can develop physical memory, or runanubandha, even by simply holding someone’s hand. This is why in some spiritual belief systems and cultures, many people will greet others by bowing or through the exchange of gifts, such as salt. It is an awareness of energy, exchange and interdependence of energy, and the sensitivies, ours and anothers, that we have to be conscious of and responsible for.

When we are in a relationship with someone – it is a vow we make.

When we are in a relationship with someone – it is a vow we make. We make those vows not only with our lips and words, which are extremely powerful binds, but also on a soul level. Both souls have met together in the spiritual realm to say to each other. This is also why – when we want to let go of someone, we need to say so, and mean so, not only with lips, but with our soul also. 

The more intimate we are with someone, not only sexually, but deeply emotionally – we tighter the bond becomes.

You can also read my article on Quantum Entanglement and Telepathic Connections. 

When we’ve opened ourselves to someone through love or a strong emotional connection, energetic threads build and quantum entanglement happens. You might suddenly start feeling your partner’s feelings, thinking their thoughts, and picking up on their experiences, emotions and moods even when you are physically separated and not in contact. 

Soul relationships may have tight bonds also and they start as tightly bound at first sight because of all past lives they’ve shared. These emotional and spiritual strings are very hard to break. And even if we have been with someone only for a while in this life, if we have shared of ourselves deeply emotionally and been intertwined sexually as well, we have built soul memory and energetic strings, which can pull us and connect us for years after. 

The No-Show Soul Contracts.

When it comes to soul contracts, something that might make us feel like a part of our soul is missing is the concept of the no-shows, which I learned from the psychic medium and healer, the beautiful Pearl. Sometimes we meet a soulmate with whom we’ve had a soul contract to unite romantically, but for some reason the connection doesn’t come to pass. While our souls have said yes to each other, even pre-incarnation, this is still a free will universe, and both have to say yes again.

For various reasons, we may not do that. It can be due to fears, social and cultural conditioning, the way we experienced life and any wounds we didn’t heal along the way, any limiting beliefs we entangled ourselves with prior to meeting them, one not doing the inner work they needed to to match the other energetically, and many, many more reasons. When such a thing happens, it can feel devastating. The one who was supposed to show up, didn’t. We can feel like we are standing at the train station, waiting for the train to come at the time it was supposed to, but nothing comes. We feel it deep in our soul that this is where we need to be, but nothing comes. They don’t show up. And yet we stand there, wait there, because this was where we were supposed to be. Our soul knows. Our heart knows. And it hurts in ways and for reasons our mind may not even understand yet, or ever. 

If this is the situation you are going through – don’t worry as painful as it might feel at the moment. Maybe we said no, or maybe they no. This is nothing to blame ourselves or them for. This life is hard, and things can change along the way. Paths not always align, and sometimes it just needs some more time for both people to match themselves energetically, so they will circle back around. 

But don’t worry because you will never be denied your experience. Another one will come along to help you along your path, with whom you will share the experience your soul desired and was meant to have. 

I do believe wholeheartedly that there is an invisible kingdom guiding us along the way and that God has our back. Just allow life to happen. We all have our own paths and wills, and sometimes we just need to allow everyone else, as well as ourselves, to go through what we need to go through. 

As good as our intentions were on a soul level, as beautifully as we planned and imagined things would be, as human beings we have a lot of things to work through. And we don’t always find a way towards and with one another, and we don’t always find a way to settle our relationships into the love and harmony we initially desired. Relationships are hard, and perhaps even one of the hardest things to do in life. There is so much effort, maturity, work and dedication they require. And unfortunately, we don’t always manage to do it, or have the capacity to do it.  

How to break and release soul ties, moving forward with peace, grace and clarity.

Break-ups are messy. And they are heart-breaking. And even when we are clear in our decision, it is hard to let go, not just because we need to focus on ourselves but we also feel the pain of the other. Especially if it’s a soul tie, it is really difficult. When we find our mind, emotions and willpower to be confused and/or drained, almost highjacked, it is probably because our mind, emotions and willpower are all entangled with that of another person. 

We can feel like suddenly our soul is drawn towards theirs, start doubting our decisions, feel pain and sadness and longing which is actually theirs through the telepathic connection we share, and yet not even know this. We try to move away, but the sudden impulse of emotions that come upon us like waves from them, stops us, confuses us, and hurts us. We may feel it is us sometimes, but in reality, if it is soul tie, it is actually pieces of our soul that are with them, earthed in the soul of the connection we shared.

To break and release soul ties requires a multi layered approach. As we mentioned, these are made on a soul level – where our souls said yes to each other, perhaps a while before our lips did. First, we need to acknowledge the soul tie – as with awareness and clear mind all starts. You can use prayer, and ask for dismissal from the soul bond. With a rhythm of gratitude and kindness, ask for the bond to be released. Through your mind, feeling and with prayer, thank them for all the times you shared. Wish them well on their path ahead, but be clear that being together with them is just not what you desire anymore in your life.

With this, a separation looks so much more different than it would if we come from a place of holding resentment, hurt, blame, anger and guilt. Understand that on a soul level, they will feel you and hear you. With them love, and do it with peace. Real peace. Hold no bad feelings. A release and ask for severence of a soul tie must be done with a peace and love of heart. This isn’t easy and as human beings it will take time – because break-ups are hard. So be patient but remain clear-minded.

Physical contact must be stopped completely. No texts, no social media, no anything. Cold turkey, cut. Remove any physical memories of them in your home and space also. This is especially true if the soul tie has become painful for you and torments you and causes you negative thoughts and emotions. And again – when you release and clean away their stuff, do it with wishing peace for them. Anything we do spiritually, emotionally and mentally, must be solidified with physical actions also – otherwise, we are going against ourselves and staying clear in our energy and intention.

Take care of yourself emotionally and mentally – cleanse yourself and heal yourself.

You can read my article on The Art of Spiritual Protection for in-depth tips on how to discern what's ours and what isn't, and the how to cleanse and protect our energy.

Understanding how energy works and entanglement works will help you. When we are connected through an energetic thread, whatever affects them, will affect you. It is of absolute importance to understand how to set boundaries for yourself, that it is okay to say “no” to the energy coming in, and to learn how to discern what’s your energy and what’s someone else’s that you are feeling as your own.

And so, if you are experiencing soul entaglement, as the energy of someone that you’ve been deeply involved with, whether or not they are in your life currently or not, it is important to set energetic boundaries and find a way to shift the focus, cleanse the energy, and channel it into creativity which would connect you to something of purity, to your heart and to a higher source – so that you are not left vulnerable to the other person’s thoughts and actions which could be negatively affecting you.

You have to find a way to shift your vibration, whether through creativity or change in routine, and through extreme discipline, so that you can get back to your own self grounded within. It will be difficult to do this, so just be patient with yourself and try to focus on creativity and self-love as much as possible, while also staying grounded with various methods and tools. And when you feel their energy come in, immediately shift out of it, acknowledge it because it is coming from someone, and say “this is not mine, I reject it.”

This is not to disassociate from your own feelings, this is about feelings that are not your own, and you know they are not your own. This is why it is important to understand what’s truly going on based on who you truly are.

It is important to remember that we need a change of perspective also. Fill your mind with truth and inner wisdom. If you’re going to break something that has a tight grip on you, that you have felt soul gripped towards, you’re going to need to develop a lot of inner strength to regulate and navigate through your enmeshed mind, will, and emotion. You need to be well grounded and sharp focused. You need to align to your true self and know what you need for your well-being and path forward.

If you’re missing someone who isn’t right for you, remind yourself that it’s only because that person has parts of your soul, and it’s not because you’re so in love with them. If it was real love, you wouldn’t be confused, miserable and you wouldn’t feel tormented, unstable or doubtful.

Your mindset needs to change about the person and the situation, your heart must be healed and clear, and your will must be strengthened, so you can break your way out of unhealthy soul ties. Soul ties can be broken – but it’s something you choose, and sometimes you may need to make that choice over and over again. It’s something that must happen out of your own free will.

Immerse yourself with self love and care as much as you can. Nurture your feelings, soften your skin with loving care, heal your emotions and wounds from the separation, and tender yourself through forgiveness. Understand also that there will be new love, more love, more depth of connection you will share with someone again. You will absolutely once again fall in love and in depth with another partner. Don’t think that was the only one – it isn’t. Love is the thing within you, and no partner can take that away from you. The depth of passion and emotion you experience with someone is essentially the one you are capable of experiencing within you – because it is yours.

You experienced a soul deep love because it is your love. And so it is inevitable that will experience it, and much deeper, again, with the one who is meant for you and can match you in energy. You can still love someone from afar. You didn’t fail, you gave it your all. If it is not right for you, have enough love within you to walk away and seek your true one.

So have grace and peace in your heart, and know, truly know, that as rivers flow to sea, what is will always be. Trust that. You are meant to experience the love you deserve. So don’t doubt you will find it. And call towards you all parts you thought you’d lost. 

Final thoughts.

Break-ups are messy and they are hard for both partners. There will be sadness, doubt, hesitations, feelings of guilt and what ifs, and times when all resurfaces, we are feeling lonely, and we miss the other person, wondering if maybe we should go back to them. Often times when relationships break, we grieve not the person necessarily  – but the dreams we had and shared. We build dreams together, we have plans together, we envision ourselves in a way that doesn’t become. And it isn’t just sadness for them, it is sadness for us and all the dreams that didn’t happen. We think they wouldn’t ever happen – but they will, with the right one. We think we may never love again or be loved again – but we will, with the right one. Remember the reason and your decision for the separation, and don’t doubt yourself – trust yourself, and how you make decisions in your life, for your wellbeing, and from your heart’s truth.  

We need to understand that regardless of whether or not it is soul tie, we will inevitably be tied energetically to someone we’ve been with. And it’s not just to people, we tie ourselves to self-beliefs and to thoughts also. Try to stay away from quick fixes, such as “cut the cords” articles found on the internet, as they are not always a healthy way to move forward – and if that’s something you are choosing to do, make sure you have someone experienced to guide you through the process. If you are having a difficult time moving on, you can always reach out to friends, therapists, life coaches, psychologists, spiritual guides and healers, and whoever else you need and who can support you during these transitional times. Naturally, with time, and with kindness of rhythm, energetic strings loosen and will be released on their own. Patience and self-care are your allies.

Try not to enter new relationships from a space of “distracting yourself from yourself” – enter them with clarity and intention. The energy with which we enter a new connection is the energy that will imprint on its entire development as a relationship. Focus on your wellbeing, honour the sacredness of your heart’s tears, and acknowledge the cycles of our emotional lands and the complex nuances of emotions we go through. Use the time to set new intentions and have more clarity on what you desire in a partner, in a new relationship, reflect on how you contribute and what you need in turn to feel fulfilled in love.   

And when it comes to soul ties, we should also remember that soul ties should not be perceived necessarily as a bad thing and we will inevitably be entangled in love, and through love, in some way, shape or form. In deep love and intimacy, we merge together and all boundaries are dissolved. We can’t experience love otherwise. Love shifts us, transforms us, changes us. It is how it is, and how it always will be. And while relationships aren’t easy or even make us happy always – love is worth it and it is how we grow and expand. So try to not close yourself off completely, and when you find the right person for you, and you feel ready, open for him, open for him like a flower, and allow yourself to be stirred entirely by his wildish soul.  

For more of my writings, browse through my Art of Love.

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Cover art: "The Backwater" by Charles William Wyllie.