Love is everything.
It is not confined to a definition or a list. It is what gives life meaning. It is not an emotion, even though it feels so sweetly. It is a verb because we need to treasure it, nurture it and care for it – to experience it. Love is what makes sense and why everything is happening. It is the answer to all the questions, even those we don’t know how to ask yet. It is the immortal face of our beloved after death. Love gives our experience weight and meaning. Love is what matters to us most deeply. Love is why we are living and it is our sole purpose – to remember that we are spiritual beings in bodies, and re-awaken our divine self to connect better to each other. Love is what matters at the end of our life because the only thing we’ll care for then is how much we loved and how we expressed it.
Everything in life is a relationship.
We are capable of connecting to everything when we spend time with it. Even confined to a room, we will build intimacy with that room. We are in a relationship to our rooms, to nature, to people, to all objects around us; how we treat them, how we care for them. To build a deeper connection to nature, spirit and life, we don’t have to go out and look for the faeries – all we have to do is just spend some silence in our bedroom. Truly sit still and notice – notice how everything around you is a part of greater consciousness and unites it all together; how every object is imbued with spirit. This is shamanism. This is spirituality. We can do this anywhere, even in a prison cell. This is how we build a connection to everything and everyone – spend time with it, see it truly see it and appreciate it even when it doesn’t look like you or share the same language. This is how we build respect towards life and everything and everyone in it.
Sacred relationships differ from other relationships in that they happen when we are tied to our spiritual soul truths. There is no judgment, no angst, no hiding, we are truly ourselves and the love is selfless. They happen in an open, trusting space where we can truly show up as we are and there is soul appreciation; there is honouring and acceptance for the other person no matter where they are in their life. The love is unconditional.
Sacred relationships are soul-deep.
In such soul-deep union, we are inspired we see the divine essence in another person and experience oneness through our union. Sacredness is an experince. It’s a knowingness deep within of who we truly are. This sacred process begins when we’ve come to the realization of our true self, our authenticity, and we can thereby begin a relationship build upon honest, intentional communication coupled with deep physical and emotional bonding, while having the capacity to hold space for the other person to be their true self also. These are not to be mistaken with karmic relationships, which are usually characterized by strong emotional entaglements generating perpetual friction and discord in an unconscious ways. In sacred unions, it is primarily the positive qualities of the soul that seek to find expression in and through the relationship. In this way, the two souls develop a loving, gentle, blended process of meaningful purification through higher qualities such as forgiveness, kindness, empathy, generosity, faithfulness, trust, devotion, and compassion. There is an unconditional opening.
It is important to emphasize that such sacred bonds cannot exist between souls who are not vibrating as their true self, and that it is important to find a partner at a similar level of our soul development. Humanity’s lack of self-awareness and dependence on the superficial part of self, are what have led to the deterioration of intimate relationships and marriages.
Love is the song of alchemy; opposing forces of water and fire perfectly align together. There is an eternal dance, the dance of lovers, ever intertwined, ever together, merging and repulsing and merging again. This is life. This is love.
The alchemical union of fire and water symbolizes integration; the unification of opposites. This is the binding process of love; the melting of contradictions and transforming two into one, to merge and give birth to a new state of being. The lovers represent the two opposites, which yearn for and are immensely attracted to one another. This duality is reflected in every aspect of existence and is existentially experienced in our human relationships. Every attempt to merge with another is an expression of the passionate urge to re-establish the oneness from which we all came from.
A sacred relationship reflects the embodiment of our own sacredness. As we all know: we see through the eyes of who we are. This is why we need to first have self-awareness and self-acceptance in order to experience such a deep soul bond.
This is what intimacy means also: into-me-see. We can’t experience emotional depth and true intimacy without allowing to be truly seen by another.
Intimacy is based on trust, conscious sensuality, intentional communication, deep listening, vulnerability, receptive eye gazing, deep love, devotion, appreciation and acceptance. It means holding safe space for another to allow them to be who they truly are. Intimacy demands that we reveal our true selves in the most vulnerable way, accepting that we may get hurt yet still having the courage to unveil.
True lovers meet when one has the courage to unveil their soul and the other has the humility to surrender, unveiling theirs also.
Photography by Ibai Acevedo
When we allow ourselves to immerse completely in such soul-deep connections and be vulnerable, it will hurt when we separate.
But how can loving be anything other than everything?
When two mature souls come together, they engage in a mutual dance of deep knowingness that they are here to appreciate one another in the deepest possible way and through their love bring into being something precious for the entire world. Such sacred unions extend far beyond what the human eye may see; their bond creates a blessed aura that inspires everyone in their presence.
A sacred relationship is everything.
It exists regardless of the physical realms; no matter if separated or not, the two souls are deeply bonded, both emotionally and spiritually. When you feel so connected to another person – it is an incredibly deep and powerful bond. It is inseparable and truly life changing. It is insatiable. And it is also very painful if for various reasons you are separated. There is also a deep understanding of one another – you are both incredibly tuned-in and know what the other person needs; there is an almost telepathic connection between you and there is instant soul recognition upon first meeting. It is a deep knowing. It is a deep merging on all levels.
Sacred relationships are both eros and agape.
I hear people sometimes say: “Should you marry for comfort or passion?” In my humble opinion it should be both – why do they need to be separated?
In deep love, there is deep desire and deep ecstasy. When a relationship is build on the sacred qualities mentioned all above, sexuality itself is sacred. In deep love, divisions dissolve and we become one. Yet for this bond to be sustained and last through time, we need to also treasure it and build a fortress around it with trust, compassion, loyalty and faith.
Eros encompasses romantic and sexual love. It refers to “eroticism” which the mystics described as the state of aliveness; the antidote of death. Through eroticism we negate the rational, embrace the curious, and dissolve the boundaries and limitations – and then, we enter the unknowingness where everything expands and has the ability to grow. While some people may mistake eros for lust, eros teaches us to breathe life into the desires of our soul. It does not refer to sex as much as it refers to our vitality and passion for life itself.
And then we have agape. Agape can be defined as charity, though what it really refers to is selflessness. True love cannot exist without selflessness and without trust. Agape love is born of of will and choice. Every day we make a choice on how we will treat one another and on the kind of person we want to be. Agape is build on commitment, faithfulness, and sacrifice. In true love, we think about the needs of the other and let go of our ego. True love says: “I will kiss you and hold not as I always have but as you need to, right now, in this moment, today.” True love knows how to pay attention to our partner and re-learns, re-discovers, re-explores the kissing, the holding and the caring, throughout our many years together.
So how do we build Sacred Relationships?
Let’s look at The Medicine Wheel.
Like I already mentioned we can’t have sacredness without self-love. Self-love means self-awareness and self-acceptance. This is needed to have a bond based on true intimacy and soul depth.
In the Shamanic Medicine Wheel, all directions refer to our various purposes and to our various bodies (physical, mental, emotional and spiritual). It encompasses the totality of life and whenever one direction is off balance, all others will be off balance. In the same way, when we align one direction, we will automatically align the rest. As human, in human bodies, we will never have complete balance – it is impossible because we are here to learn, grow and expand. The point is: to be conscious and aware, and just do our best to balance our parts.
In the Medicine Wheel, the direction which deals with Sacred Relationships is the south which is the one of the emotional body; and it also represents the element of water. The south direction is associated with creativity, emotions, feelings, love, intimacy, intuition, passion, desire, sensuality, devotion, surrender, openness, vulnerability, fluidity, the sacral chakra and anything heart-centered.
The direction opposite of it deals with our self-realization and our spiritual body; it is about our authenticity and seeing ourselves as we truly are at a soul level. The north direction is our connection to our higher self, and our connection to God, or higher consciousness. It is a more passive direction; it is about reflection, introspection, and inner contemplation. The north also has a grounded element to it – because we can’t journey too highly, we need to be anchored in the physical realm, so that we don’t get lost, but rather know how to then apply our spiritual wisdom towards to life and human connections.
Now you can see how our ability to be introspective and self-conscious, is directed related to our sacred relationships – the two sit opposite each other and balance out. When one is out of balance – the other will naturally be imbalanced also. For example, we can become co-dependent, which would be an over-indulgence in our emotional body. In co-dependency our self-worth depends on the external world and other people, so we want to serve others too much and our self-esteem fluctuates depending on other people’s actions. One way to look at co-dependence is a deficiency of inner trust and inner power – so ways to harmonize it is to strengthen our confidence through our mental body, and also, make the time to build trust and connection to self through our spiritual practices, and also, to work with the physical realm to make sure we are in supportive environments where people appreciate us and don’t abuse our kindness. Often times, co-dependency is indeed a product of staying in unhealthy environments for too long. Like I always say: Healthy dependency creates true independency. As another example, let’s say we are emotionally numb in relationships. This would imply a deficiency in our emotional direction of the wheel, while having an over-indulgence in things related to our mental body or career focus or the material world. One way to balance this is to focus on feeling our feelings, connecting to our emotions and being creative with what we are passionate about. When we don’t know how to understand our emotions and feelings – we start to project, which ultimately deteriorates all of our relationships.
We can’t ever experience a sacred relationship without being in our spiritual soul truth, and without self-love, or the balance of understanding our emotional selves.
In these relationships, there is no hiding; we are absolutely ourselves and we accept one another fully and completely. There are no judgments, shaming, blaming, projecting, fighting and stinginess; we are able to express ourselves emotionally in an open and healthy manner. This is why self-love, emotional intelligence and spirituality are crucial for deep love.
On the other hand, we can’t be too involved in our spiritual lives because too much introspection isolates us from others. We forget that we already are spiritual beings and that we are here on Earth to apply this wisdom towards our interpersonal relationships. The same applies to all of our other direction and bodies; we need to be in harmony with our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual simultaneously, as too much focus on one diminishes the others.
I want to remind us all once again – we will always have some parts of us not in balance; there is no such thing as complete balance as long as we are in human bodies. We go through life as students, always seeking, and always learning and growing. There is always a way to take things one step deeper and one step further. Even when we are walking a path of truth and authenticity, we’ll still experience days of doubt, etcetera. We are constant explorers, students and mystics of life and love.
The point is self-acceptance which refers to the totality of life. It is the acceptance of our current moment and current state of being. It is the awareness that all changes and flows and is interdependent, and that it is okay to be who we are and where we are in life. In this space of acceptance, while it may seem passive like surrender, it is precisely in this where all is born and has the ability to grow and expand, in its needed form. You have all that you need inside of you to build sacred relationships.
A question that sometimes arises is: What happens if you know that you are not in a sacred relationship and don’t feel fulfilled with your long-term partner?
My answer to this is that you will find within yourself that space where either your partner rises up with you, to respond differently to you, or you will be given the wisdom to know what you can do next. Once you tap into your inner truth, into your intuition, and your authenticity, take comfort knowing that you will know how to navigate this situation.
Sometimes in life separation is inevitable but people stay in relationships that no longer serve them because they are afraid. And of course, it is perfectly natural to feel afraid because it is scary to walk away from a life with someone when you’ve invested so much of ourselves emotionally, and it is also hard to walk away especially if you don’t have the financial means to do so nor the support system to hold you during such a big transition. However, this only perpetuates the cycle of feeling unfulfilled while blaming the other person. Other times in life people find that their partner too longs to have a deeper bond to experience with them, and with life itself, and through an open honest communication you can both find a way to create that – which is beautiful. Be open to either one of these situations. Trust the process. And take refuge in the quiet corner of your heart that you will know what to do, and that it will be for your highest good when you truly tune into yourself.
How do such relationships come together?
This is like the middle path and the totality of life – it’s about acceptance of the current. Whether we are ready or not, the truth is, soul contracts have their own timings and just show up; circumstances will always somehow align so that the two people meet. Whether we are ready or not, love isn’t concern with that. However, what we do after the meeting is up to us – so this is where the more conscious we are, the deeper we’ll be able to experience it.
I no longer remember the name but there was a movie where people jumped in and out of alternate realities and in each they had different partners. This is portraying the different life paths we could have taken. Here is the thing: where you are and who you are, is absolutely perfect for what you have chosen to experience as yourself right now. It’s not better or worse than another path. It just is as is, perfect as is. Our paths are determined by our choices but you have to trust and believe in yourself. Soul contracts happen when they happen and are predetermined before reincarnation based on what we wanted to experience in this life. This often manifests in our physical body as desires. However, we still have free will to break soul contracts. And after the initial predestined meeting, it is our choices and consciousness that will determine the rest of our path together, and the experience of the relationship, whether as sacredness or not. Timing of meetings are quite hard to predict – but it is usually related not so much to “dates” as it is to learned experiences. And it also depends on outside events – such as, let’s say, a global lockdown. So new circumstances will have to arise to arrange the meeting of the two souls.
We also have placeholders along our way who will guide us and show us where we are headed next. We can’t really force our path, or even our desires, but we can always ask to receive a dream, or an answer, that will show us a placeholder. Placeholders show up in our lives and open up a space that will be purposeful for our next step, to take us closer to where we want to go – like a group we suddenly join, a city we travel to unexpectedly, a party we are invited to, a new friend, a new job, etcetera. They are important puzzle pieces because they ultimately link us to our heart’s desires. We need to be open to receiving no matter how strange it feels because the new energy that they bring may feel strange to us, especially if we’ve been really used to the old one. And even if you’ve been on the “wrong path”, strayed from where you intended to go – trust that you will come across the placeholders who will push you gently, showing you the other way. They will help you remember where you wanted to go and will reconnect you to your heart. For example, a lot of people think they don’t deserve something. And then someone comes along, even if a stranger, who with their beautiful presence shows them deep gratitude, appreciation, trust, generosity, compassion and respect – and through such qualities of love, shows them that they deserve the thing they thought they didn’t, re-igniting passion within them again. This moment will open up a loving space within them, of new energy, which will help them vibrate with new hope, new faith, new trust and new love. And because of it, they will most likely, make different choices, which will ultimately place them back on their desired path.
And there is a truth:
What’s meant for us will never pass us by.
And so dear reader,
if deep in your heart and soul, you desire to experience something, or someone, in this life, then trust, and know, deeply know, that you will. Because you could not have had that desire in the first place, if it didn’t exist and if you weren’t meant to experience it. What you seek is also seeking you.