Sex is an expression of love.
Sex is the celebration of our love.
Sexual energy is the most powerful energy in the universe; it is the creative force of which all is born. It is life energy.
Sexual energy is sacred, creative and powerful. It is vulnerable, humble, and merges two people’s souls, dharmic paths and energies together. Sexual energy is the reason we exist. We need to respect it, honour it and understand it. We need to treasure it. And yet people have greatly misused it.
There is a lot of misuse, abuse and unhealthy views of sex. There is a lot of obsession, oppression, suppression, addictions, shame, guilt, silence, and society has normalized abuse and normalized cheating. Unfortunately, our world today is predominantly unhealthy, predatory and many people are ill-intentioned.
Society has objectified people – someone sees a thing they like, and now they want to have sex with it immediately, instead of seeing a woman, honouring her, respecting her, getting to know her on a deeper level, and then creating the sacred space in which to build deeper connection and long-lasting intimacy.
We also need to be taught on the importance of our sexual energy and how to harness it. Sexual energy is the most powerful of all – it is essentially how the universe created itself – it is the conception and the birth. But we need to be mindful – because every time we take in a partner sexually, our energies merge as we absorb them into our field directly. In other words, I’d probably advice you not to sleep with anyone you don’t want to become.
In tantric philosophy, one of the main lessons is getting rid of guilt, shame, perversions and external stimulations, so that one can reach higher spiritual awareness through knowing how to channel sexual energy. Tantra isn’t about “sex” actually, which is something that Western society has twisted. Tantra is about understanding the importance and sacredness of sexual energy so that we use it with our partner to build long-lasting intimacy and deeper connection. It is about realizing we are already a part of the oneness. Actually, before people enter a tantric temple, they are asked to circle around the temple many times. The external structures feature many sexual imagery because these are meant to provoke thoughts hidden in the corners of the psyche, since our subconscious minds are tied to sexuality (ask Freud). By doing this circling, the people go from arousal to no-longer caring as much about the images, and only then are they allowed into the temples. What they see inside is something they describe as breathtaking bright sun; a vision of a cosmic union which sweeps them away on a deeply emotional level. This is because by the time they enter the temple, their active mind has become passive, and people are only then able to see this and receive it in a more clear spiritual way, wholeheartedly and openly. Tantra means “extreme discipline” – and it is about learning to use your body and your mind as tools for higher spiritual connection. It has nothing to do with the external world or with other people – tantra is about 100% being completely rooted in our own body. The yogic tantra is extreme discipline in learning to use only your own body and your own energy – and nothing and no one outside of you – everything is internalized to learn our own power by using the tools of our body, mind and energy. Once you become pleasant in your own self – fully pleasant – then your experience of life will change, and as a result your connections with others will be more pleasant also. Once we learn to no longer need external stimulations, we will make better choices in our romantic life rather than just be with people because of some need we can’t fill ourselves.
What happens during an act of sex is that we merge our energy with another person completely. We’ve let go of our enegetic boundaries and we are vulnerable. You might see how this can become a little tricky if we are “merging” with the wrong person. Does that mean we have to stay celibate? No, unless that’s what you consciously choose as your current spiritual path. Many people do become celibate for a specific number of years to harness their sexual energy, transform it and evolve spiritually to a higher consciousness. The point is: It’s about walking the middle path and being conscious and aware, as this is where the totality of life is found. Let’s understand energy a bit more.
Our sexuality is connected to our sacral chakra, which is also connected to creativity, sensuality, fertility, aliveness, nurturing, relationships, intimacy and emotions. In sexual intercourse, the woman is the giver; meaning that especially if she enjoys the sex and the both partners are deeply emotionally connected, she charges her sacral energy and brings it up to the man’s solar chakra which in turn makes him more successful, confident and joyful. For men, their sacral chakras are less developed than for women; just as for men the root chakra is more developed than for women. A man provides the woman with safety, protection and security, and the woman gives him her creative energy. This is why we are all interdependent and there’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, healthy dependency creates true independency.
But this is something to be mindful of especially for women. Every time you have sex with a man, you are giving him your energy. This is also why men have a hard time letting go of a woman they’ve been in love with and sexually active with, because they are just used to being dependent on her energy for their own, especially when it’s been of love. These are energetic ties that we build when we open up to someone, and this can bind us for many years after we’ve separated. But this is true love; the moment division no longer exists, and the lovers have truly become one.
It is very important to emphasize that what charges the masculine energy is not the sex – it is the love.
This is why no matter how much sex a man has, unless it is with a woman he loves, he would not feel energetically charged and emotionally fulfilled. Furthermore, constant sexual stimulation brings all the energy from the higher chakras such as business, spirituality, satisfaction, intimate connections, mental focus, are all brought down and sucking the force out of all the other areas of our life; it actually drains the overall energy of the person and diminishes their health and wellbeing. People who watch a lot of porn or have sexual addictions or have many sexual partners, are energetically robbed, become numb and experience decreased self-confidence; they become unable to see the divine nature in other people and start objectifying them. And in turn, as they stop seeing the divine nature in others, they also stop seeing the divine nature within themselves. Eventually they become empty and you can see this in their auras, which often times have dark worm-like attachments onto them.
This is why it is so important to be sexually intimate only with someone you feel a trusting emotional connection with, and even better, if you are in love.
When combined with love and honour, sexual energy takes on a sacred form with extraordinary power and becomes what is known as sacred sexuality. Great achievements are possible in all areas of our life when we learn to harness and direct our sexual energy towards something particular. Sacred sexuality is the spiritual merging between two souls. This merge may be physical and spiritual, or it can even be a purely spiritual one (soulmates and telepathic lovers often experience this connection before meeting in real life). Sacred sexuality is also a bridge to the divine. Reflected through one another, you come face to face with God, and through such a sacred union you experience the deepest and most profound sense of love and blissfulness. Such experiences transform lives and you will not come out of it unchanged. Keep these connections private and surround them with trust, truth, respect, and nourishment.
Now, let’s talk a little about why our sexual energy should not be suppressed neither. As an example, if you choose “no sex”, you are also essentially choosing sexual energy, but it is a hidden, suppressed desire within you. This is the totality of life and walking the middle path than Tantric philosophy teaches; any choice essentially includes in itself its opposite, and if made without unawareness, it becomes potentially detrimental descreasing our overall energy. Once you understand this truly, there will never be any compulsions, indulgences or repressions. When we accept the totality of life, we will never go to extremes, one or the other. Whatever we deny or suppress, ultimately becomes our strongest hidden motivator. This is why many criminals actually have a lot of suppressed energy within their body, whether mental, emotional or physical. Going back to our topic – if you are currently celibate, accept it, that’s great. If you in a state of indulgence, accept it, it’s great. Just accept wherever you are in your current life path. Don’t call it good or bad. Sex is there, anger is there, sadness is there, longing is there, all is there as it should. The difficulty is that when we let go and relax, our ego cannot maintain itself and it starts bugging us. Ego can only be maintained in the resistance. Think about it: when you are fighting with yourself, there are no other problems around you. Even society will love you because now you have no time to see anything else and you are completely controllable. This is why porn is free. Why is education expensive, but porn is free? Why is violence constantly shown in the news, but learning about emotional intelligence and wellbeing is not even taught in school? Why are we constantly told something is wrong with us and we need plastic surgery, medicines and cosmetics full of chemicals? These create more compulsions and addictions in people, which numbs our intuition, dumbs us, disconnects us from ourselves and others, and also, keeps us under control.
According to Tantra, Zen Buddhism and many other beliefs worldwide, spiritual transformation happens when we come into acceptance; the inner divisions dissolve and we become one within ourselves, and all else around us. It happens when you don’t see the animal versus the saint within us anymore, because there was never two anyway – it was always just one. This oneness gives you energy rather than being wasted on conflict. And this energy becomes awareness. And then you move to a higher vibration. In this higher vibration, you will naturally feel less sexual because you don’t see it as an external need. It is actually a sign of health, because you have gotten rid of compulsions, not because you suppress them or you don’t feel the energy, but because you are harnessing it. This sexual energy is now spread inside you; it is transformed into anything you want, not just to be used physically with the person of your choice, but it gives you tremendous creativity, powerful manifestation abilities, and opens the doors to spiritually evolve on a whole different level. The quality of your sexual experiences will also be different; it will be more ecstatic and longer lasting. In fact, your entire being will feel more blissful because all that sexual energy is now harnessed.
When you are overflowing with such life force energy, or sexual energy, the sex itself becomes less important, and it is deep love that becomes more important. And then, sex happens as a part of love, as a deep sharing. Giving is a part of devoted love, and the greatest gift we can give someone is our life force energy. In love, sex becomes a sacred union, a spiritual bonding, a spiritual experience that transcends your physical body and merges your dharmic paths together. You are giving a part of yourself to another; and all devisions dissolve.
If you are in love, the energy will be magnified and you will become whole, undivided, and the energy will be accumulated. A moment may come in which this energy will transform itself and become pure awareness, and only a loving kindness and compassion will remain.
Apart from Tantric beliefs, there are also Buddhist, Taoist, Shamanic, and many other esoteric philosophies, centuries old throughout history and humanity, referencing to the hidden incredible powers of sexual energy and how it can be transformed into creative force and higher states of consciousness. For example, the Kabbalah sees sexual desire as the deepest spiritual expression that one may have. And in yogic philosophy, our pure sexual energy is dormant until awakened in its highest manifestation known as the kundalini.
Think of Buddha with his loving compassionate face – this is sexual energy transformed. This can only be achieved through acceptance and peace, never through fight. Some of the greatest mystics and leaders learned to harness and transform their raw sexual energy to channel it into their work for humanity or into their golden creativity. Famous examples of practitioners of this are Nikola Tesla, Gandhi, Richard Wagner, Dante Alighieri, Beethoven, Homer, Henry Thoreau and Leonardo Da Vinci. For example, Gandhi had a very strong sexual energy which he learned not to waste physically. It is said that he even tested himself sleeping next to naked women until he stopped having sexual urges.
Sex is the first surrender.
It is a biological surrender. Surrender means to be open, vulnerable, and unafraid. It means another person, and consciousness itself, can enter you without your boundaries, without your armours. You are not resisting, you are not thinking. You are open to anything. In deep love, people say they can even die in that moment and it wouldn’t matter. This is because they are in full acceptance, in their totality. Life can happen. Death can happen.
Sex is spiritual.
Austrian psychoanalyst Wilhelm Reich said that one has not known sex at all unless they’ve attained a deep orgasm. It is not only a release of sexual energy, but your whole body must become relaxed. Then, the sexual experience is not localized at the center, but it spreads all throughout the body, until you are not a body anymore. If you cannot attain a peak in sex, a peak in which you are unbodied, you have not known sex at all. That is why Wilhelm Reich said, as many others have said, that sex is spiritual.
Orgasm is known by the French as la petite-mort, meaning “the little death” referring to the ecstasy and the closeness to God. Only in those seconds is where we as humans in a physical body are able to reach God. There is a blissfulness, a fulfillment, a desirelessness.
There is a passivity in this kind of surrender but passivity is not a bad thing. Passivity is the way of being in deep contact with higher consciousness and the universe. Life happens in passivity. Poetry happens in passivity. Ecstasy happens in passivity. Prayer happens in passivity. Meditation happens in passivity. For the beginning of anything we are active, and then activity ceases and we become passive, and this is where eveything happens and all is born.
This is where love happens also.
When we surrender, this is when things can happen to us.
This is how spiritual unions and sacred unions come together.
“I am my beloved and my beloved is mine.” Song of Solomon 6:3
When a woman has finally come home to herself, realized what she truly desires and has accepted her desires, and she says to a man – if I don’t have your 100% then I am fine by myself – this is when she can finally wait for the right one, and a spiritual union will come in its time. And this is when sexual energy will feel ecstatic. And this is when you’ll know it was all worth it. Find the one whose heart and soul are true to yours; give him your hands, give him your everything. When you meet the right one, you will know.
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Cover Art: "The Lovers", Margarete Petersen Tarot.