[This article is divided into two parts: in Part 1, I lead you through a few exercises as an introduction to psycho-cybernetics, in addition to in-depth steps on how to manifest, and in Part 2, I lead you in detail through the steps of building a healthy positive self-image, which is the foundation of psycho-cybernetics.]
Part 1: The Box & The Manifestation Process
Close your eyes. Take a deep breath.
At the back of your mind there’s a box. There, you as child, at around the age of 4 or 5, wrote a list of sentences, all starting with “I am”.
On that list, are your cybernetics settings – where both your conscious and subconscious mind work extremely hard and perfectly, to maintain those settings, to validate these sentences (regardless of whether they are “true” or not). Everything you see, everything you’re told, everything you hear, everything you perceive – becomes directional, becomes truth, becomes your identify and your core belief about who you are and what you are capable of. Once day, your father screams at you and says some stuff – on that list you write: “I am a loser, I am unlovable, I am worthy of being mistreated and screamed at”. That becomes your definition of what your relationships with men will be – and of who you are too. Anytime someone treats you differently from the list in that box – your subconscious will refuse this; whether it is good for you or not, doesn’t matter. If on that list you wrote, “I am good at keeping myself warm at night”, you will always feel warm at night with an inner knowing you are capable of that, no matter how cold it might get (metaphorically or physically).
Through extensive psychological research, the number one thing that keeps repeating on people’s lists is: “I am not enough, I am not worthy”. The second one is: “I am not lovable, no one loves me, they don’t love me, I don’t deserve to be loved”. Third: “I don’t deserve good things, I can’t afford that, I don’t have enough money”. These sentences are the imprints and projections of your parents, caregivers and the environment you live in.
What’s on your list? If you are too afraid to dive deep into yourself, then just look around and think about your life – because there is nothing else your life could have reflected to you as feelings and perceived experiences, other than what your core beliefs were, as written on the list. This is where self-sabotage comes from; it isn’t truly “sabotage” because as far as your mind is concerned, it’s just validating your list and it is working overtime to prove to you your truth. And there’s a trick. Our subconscious mind is very good at keeping us out, and away from the box, for safety reasons. Think of a computer – understand that it will be hard to change these settings, to even access them in the first place and the computer systtem will try to trick us in many subtle ways. Especially through resistances.
Resistance is natural. It is the part of you that is afraid of change because it is a breaking of a pattern; we are doing something unknown which our mind has no previous storyline in the archives of our past to align this with – and so as a defense mechanism it triggers resistance. We prefer old beliefs and patterns, and ways of doing things – but this is not of our optimum advantage. Resistance is very clever; a crafty detective. Sometimes resistance is clear and concise, but other times it is a bit more sneaky and disguised. It can be like a thought, feeling or a sense that says, “I don’t want to do this. I don’t know what will happen. I’ll be left alone. I am afraid,” or it can take on its detective disguise saying, “I’m just busy, tired. It’s just too much. There’s no point doing it anyway.” It’s up to us to discern what’s true and what isn’t; what’s resistance versus what’s a true need/desire/want – and this requires self-knowledge and self-awareness.
Perhaps as a child you longed for affection or appreciation but didn’t get it in the way that you needed. Perhaps as a result you came to believe that your needs, desires and longings are not important and don’t deserve to be fulfilled. Such beliefs form our identities and are deeply (and painfully) ingrained within us; to the extend that when we do get what we’ve desired and longed for – we doubt it and resist it because “our reality” is not used to that; because this is unknown; because it doesn’t fit our subconscious pattern; because it doesn’t comply with our old beliefs stuck in our mind/past experiences. Look, there is no shame in that – we all have our stuff. This is not about blaming our family neither because they too had their stuff, and are humble human beings carrying their own pains. This is just about ourselves – to shed some understanding on what things have shaped us, realizing that it is not who we are but just an identity we took on, and to understand how our mind perceives everything else around us so that we make more aware decisions/choices in our lives.
So what can we do? How can we change that list?
We need sustained amount of effort so we can change what’s on the list, making new neural pathways. This is hard – because understand that not just your mind, but your physical body may start resisting to the point that I’ve even seen people vomit when they’ve started to make the effort to live better lives changing their mindsets. Change is hard.
Let me give you an easy example. What does love mean to you? I’ll show you exactly what your definition is.
Take out a piece of paper and write on it a list of “how home felt like” when you were a child. How did it feel living at home? How did your parents express their affection towards you? Was it a place you felt criticized or heard? How did your parents treat one another in their own relationship? Now, take a new list of paper and write on it the problems of your last three relationships. How were you treated? How did you feel with these partners? When were you most attracted to them; when were you most repulsed? Any common links among the relationships? Now, go back to your “home” list, scratch the word “home” and write “love” instead. This is your definition of love. This is what your subconscious mind understands as love; this is your “ad” that you actively send out for potential partners, and “the one”. Compare the two lists – do you see any common words? Did you feel ignored in your last relationship? Did you feel ignored as a child? Were you in a controlling relationship? Did you feel controlled as a child; was your home controlling or a place you feared expressing your vulnerable self? We can “say” great things about what we “want”, but what is it that we are actively drawn to and seeking? Because your definition of “the one” may not be “the one” you think you want. And then comes the sabotage. Or the part of you that protects you, so that your reality continues to validate your internal settings. So you pick up a fight with that “kind someone” just to provoke in them a reaction that would validate the sentence on your list, in your hidden box at the back of your mind, that reads: “I am not loved, they will abandon me”. Do the sabotage long enough, and that “kind someone” will eventually walk away, and there you go: you validated your sentence.
When people talk about free will, there is an important “clause” that has to be attached to that free will power that we hold within: it is based on our list and leads us to seeking whatever and whoever can reinforce our list. Be mindful.
And so …
Change begins with knowing how to speak the language that the subconscious understands, which is similar to manifestation. You need to visualize it, see it, dream it, feel it, say it, believe it, act as if.
Let your body fight it, let your subconscious fight it – but continue to believe it, to see it, to feel it, until it learns your new instructions. And when your new reality starts happening – and it will if you devote to this truly – don’t doubt it. Don’t doubt it. Accept it, own it! Because most people run away from it. Because it’s muscle memory; a reflex to go back to your old life, old patterns.
Here is where you need to sit down with yourself and be really honest. What is your core belief? Do you really believe that things can happen for you in life? Do you really believe that life somehow works in the right time to channel through the right people and circumstances to support you and your needs on your path? Because if you don’t – when the things you want happen and they will – you will end up doubting them, running away from them, not trusting them, and/or just sabotaging them. And any healer will tell you – if you don’t want to believe in yourself or don’t want to truly change, nobody can help you.
Remember quantum physics: Everything is a potential until you observe it, and then it collapses into reality. So beware what you tell yourself and who around you believes what is true for you. Because other people’s words and beliefs about you will form your own. Don’t tie yourself to other people’s visions, fears and limitations – they don’t dictate your potential. If there are doubters around you, move away from them; if they doubt themselves, they doubt you too.
THE MANIFESTATION PROCESS.
Since we manifest and attract based on our own vibration, remember: You can only attract to you what you are in a harmonious vibration with within yourself.
Thoughts are electric while emotions are magnetic, which means that we project based on our thoughts and we draw in based on our feelings. In fact, the heart carries the strongest electro-magnetic energy, and so it is our feelings that will always overpower all else. This is a key point to manifestation; that when the two are not in alignment, the results will be a bit off. Since the heart chakra is largely comprised of feminine energy, we also see that the most important part of manifestation is our divine feminine energy (you can read more on that in my article “The Love Dance: Feminine + Masculine Energy”). Let’s begin.
Quiet the mind. Connect to your third eye.
The Third Eye: This is located between the eyebrows behind the skull. The third eye has photo receptive cells, which may sound weird because there is no light hitting it – it is behind, well, a “bone”. Nonsensical, right? Well, remember that what we see is all just a perception anyway. We need to connect, feel, hear and see not with our ears or eyes but with our third eye. We need to sit still and see with the third eye. Focus. Think of it as seeing a movie in your mind. Imagining. Praying. Meditating. You tune into your mind to see through it. Because of the photo receptive cells – this collapses reality into something tangible that we will see shape through your mind’s eye. You are basically seeing something out of nothing, which starts the process of tangibility. This is why imagination and visualization are so powerful. If you are trying to attract a partner into your life, don’t envision a specific face but rather focus on the qualities that you’d want; then in your mind’s eye, have conversations with them, go out for walks with them, cuddle with them, shop with them, kiss them, make love to them.
The Audio: Once you are in the space of seeing the reality you desire through your mind’s eye – it is now time to actually “hear” it. Voice and words create vibration, which is needed to get the energy moving. This is why yogis chant. This is why shamans sing. And this is why people pray out loud. All these carry high vibrational energy. It heals and calms even our physical bodies. Sound can literally depress us or heal us depending on its frequency. This is why it is also so important to re-evaluate how we speak to ourselves and others. The words we use carry so much vibration. So be mindful of the words you use.
In fact, the Ho’oponopono Prayer which is basically repeating out loud, “I love you, I’m sorry, Forgive me, Thank you” has been used for ages in healing and even in psychology. If we want to help someone from a distance, we can just say these words as a prayer with pure intention and they will feel better. And in fact – here is a tip – instead of fighting with someone, just close your eyes and say these words thinking of them. Send them healing energy to wish them well, instead of burdening yourself with their negative energy. No reason to engage otherwise.
The Feeling: This is the most important. It is the feeling that we are creating and pulling in. Aligning our mind’s eye and audio with feelings is the ball of fire that will create the energy, which will connect the “plug”. But we need to really truly feel it. If that thing you wanted is sitting right here in front of you – in your reality already – how would you feel? Loved, calm, abundant, excited, ecstatic, moved. How does it feel?
Exciting isn’t it! Imagine it’s happening! Yes, good. Stay with this.
Sit with it now. Relax. Do nothing. Just sit with that feeling. And just feel.
It is the feeling that creates our reality.
It is the feeling that we are manifesting.
Realize this and just let it be. Allow yourself to just sit with this ecstatic feeling for a few seconds or minutes.
And here it is – you just created energy which was sent out.
The Physical: Now comes the believing. You have to believe this and continue to believe it. This belief will push you towards acting as if and resisting the old patterns. Don’t doubt it. Don’t contradict your new list with your actions. If you want a guy who treats you right – why are you involved with someone who doesn’t treat you “right”? Well, he’ll change you say – no, he wouldn’t. But there’s no one else – okay, so don’t be with anyone at the moment, what’s the hurry? Why are you identifying with someone outside of you to validate your existence anyway? Relax. There is nothing else to do now. You are the creator. The energy you sent out has nowhere else to go other than back to you. You created it and so this feeling and experience will find its way to you – you are its home. So don’t repulse the energy because it desires you and is looking to plug in in its own time. Remember sustained effort: you have to act and start living proving the validity of your new list and new intentions.
Habits, or the repeated thoughts, feelings and actions, are the things that essentially create change in our lives. So you need to put in the continuous effort to repeat the thoughts, feelings and actions of your desired new mindset or reality. Our self-image (which I discuss further below how to create a positive healthy one) is the habitual way of our being. Visualization is one of the more popular ways of changing, breaking and making new habits.
The Nurturing: We need to nurture a safe loving space for the experience to conceive. When you want a rose to grow in your garden – she doesn’t just fall from the sky. You need soil, seeds, water and sun life. All of these look and smell nothing like a rose. And yet, you need all of them to cultivate the environment in which a rose will grow. In the same way, we need to create and nurture the environment in which an experience will happen.
We are matching our vibration to the intended experience we truly desire to have and feel. We are becoming mindful of our energy and intention. We are understanding that if we want an experience of a higher vibration – we ourselves need to raise our energy to match that – otherwise, it would not be sustained to experience it.
Gratitude and Joy: These are the secret ingredients. Joy is our highest vibration similar to love – so make sure you have ways to be joyous (more on that below in the second part of the article). By gratitude we acknowledged that “it” has happened and have now established a relationship with it; a bridge to it and the interchange with universal energy. Gratitude also starts to transmit the energy of trust, joy, expansion and love. So remember – when something that you’ve needed and wanted happens, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem, acknowledge it with a gesture (maybe it’s a little happy dance!)
Part 2: Psycho-Cybernetics & Self-Image
“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on. The “self-image” is the key to human personality and human behavior. Change the self image and you change the personality and the behavior. And it is our self-image that ultimately determines what we will become.” ~ Maxwell Maltz
Dr. Maxwell Maltz was a world renowned cosmetic surgeon and author of the famous book, “Psycho-Cybernetics”. By combining his work experiences as a surgeon with his profound knowledge of psychology, he came to the conclusion that our self-image was the cornerstone of our mental and emotional wellbeing. No matter how many surgeries his patients would have to make them beautiful and as closely to “perfect” as humanly possible, all they’d see in the mirror was the images that they had of themselves in their minds. For some, no matter the physical attractiveness, nothing ever changed the flaws they kept on seeing in their faces.
Our self-image is how we see and feel about ourselves, and this is something that we can actually change, as if by magic, at any time, for free. The way we think affects not only our mental and emotional wellbeing but it actually changes our physical self also, with time. Our energetic vibration actually changes our physical features. We all know some physically beautiful people who just look ugly and their energy is repulsive – and as the years went by, even their physical features started changing to less beautiful, no matter how many fillers or surgeries their faces had. This is not fiction, it is science.
I already discussed some basics in the first part above, but let’s focus more on how to build a positive and healthy mindset – because it all starts from that.
THE MENTAL PORTRAIT
We all have a specific mental portrait, or self-image, which is based on the beliefs we define ourselves with; this is the result of our past experiences, early childhood upbringing, successes, failures, feelings, emotions and behaviours. This image is the basis on which we form our personality. It is the “view” of the window through which we see and perceive others and ourselves. The problem is that most people let past experiences define them in a negative way. And then, they end up behaving in the way that is coherent with the negative image. In fact, any other way outside of the bounds of their familiar past, or with who they were, will provoke a trigger within their mind that it is “wrong.” This is why someone who in their mind was used to defining “love” as something negative (because someone who “loved” them in the past treated them negatively), would have hard time accepting a healthy relationship, and will continue to be attracted only to people who treat them in the familiar, negative ways.
Ask yourself: what words do you use in your every day vocabulary? How do you describe yourself, others, situations and even movies or news? How do you define yourself when you feel at your worst? What we eat, is who we become; and what words we use, is who we become.
These mental distortions can be absolutely overcome and it begins with how we choose to define ourselves, thereby constructing the new image we want to be that is more aligned with our true beliefs and values, rather than by past experiences and outdated belief systems. At our core – we are the perfect love union between flesh and soul; born of uniqueness and greatness. The only adversary to becoming who we truly are, and realize (or see) how great we already are, is forgetfulness; forgetting our inner truth, ability to love and connection to the purity of our heart. Regardless of our opinion or current view of ourselves, inside of us is infinite happiness and beauty. The realization of all this, is the first step.
RELEASE EMOTIONAL SCARING
The person with unhealed emotional scars develops a scarred self-image of an unwanted, disliked, unlovable, incapable person, and would thereby think the world in general is a hostile place, and would think this is also how others view them. They can’t be charitable neither towards others nor towards themselves. Frustration, aggression and loneliness is often what follows. This is because their primary relationship with the external is one that is more hostile or unlovable or unkind. It is important to heal these scars and start being more kind, compassionate, acceptive, giving, generous, charitable in their interractions with others – and then, they will automatically start feeling that way also towards themselves. We can’t go through life without feeling hurt; we all will be hurt and will feel pain. How we choose to deal with it, is what will define us. Blaming, judging, holding grudges will never ever lead to anywhere good. Emotional healing takes time and effort, but it is the best and most important thing we can gift ourselves. Everything starts from within. Remember self-image is how we see and feel about ourselves, which is often unconscious. When one has been hurt, it is natural to build walls of protection. Such walls are important because the truth is not all people are good people – and we must have a heart that knows discernment and wisdom in our interractions with others. However, when we build those walls, we must remember to build a window also. We must be grateful for our armours of protection, but we must also know when and for whom to take it off.
IMAGINATION IS KEY
This is what I discussed in detail above in the Visualization/Manifestation Process. In order we get out of the boundaries we’ve set for ourselves, we need to imagine something else. Can you imagine a new way of thinking about yourself? Our brain doesn’t distinguish between imagination and reality; it acts based on the thoughts and emotions we send to it. Start describing situations with new words, and this will in turn create new experiences for you, and then – a new image will eventually come into fruition. Imagine who you are and who you want to be. Feel it. Feel it. Feel yourself as if you are already that. And start behaving and living, as if you are already that. This is similar to the manifestation process which I described above in the first part of the article – it is all about the clarity of image in our head; see it, feel it, hear it and act as if.
ALWAYS FIND TIME TO RELAX
Have you noticed how good you feel after a nice shower, bath or massage? It’s because relaxation relaxes the mental defenses. Any time we are working with changing something on a deeper subconscious level, our body and mind use a lot of energy. This is because the changes are taking place on an inner level and as such, we must take time to relax, so that the new “paradigm” takes place. You can do this by meditation or just by taking some “me-time” where your muscles will relax, your mind will rest, and emotions will settle into their natural state of peaceful happiness. Remember that any time we are making a change, i.e. something different from our behavioral or though pattern, our mind and even body will start resisting; because as far as they are concern, something is changing, so red alert! Don’t worry – resistance is natural and I discussed it in detail in the first part above. A way to create some detachment from your thoughts (which are just repeated words from old archives and boxes) is that any time something pops up in your mind, identify it as either “thought” or “feeling”. Just say “thought” or “feeling”. This is not to change it, let it flow like a feather on your arm, touched and then away; this is only so you identify it just by saying “thought”. This automatically will create awareness within you and some distance from it. Remember that there are no bad “feelings” and that emotions are when feelings are not felt, but rather “thought”; this is what creates the emotion as either negative or positive, the way we think our feelings.
LET GO OF PAST FAILURES AND THE PAST IN GENERAL
Yes, really. Failures only meant that you were brave enough to try something new, something you didn’t know how to – and yet there you were giving it a shot. Have the courage to trust yourself that at that point in time, you did the best you could with what you were given and what you knew at the time. We all fail, we all make mistakes – and if we didn’t, well that’d be quite boring anyway. As long as you don’t repeat the same thing over and over and over again – there was value in it and you’ve grown from it. Cliche, I know. But it’s true. It’s all stepping stones, bringing us closer to who we are and what we want and what we need and how we can do it. This includes relationships; there is no such thing as failures. We are cinnamon – and every time something or someone peels our bark, we just come closer to our sweetest, most natural scent underneath, which is our beating heart and authentic self. Continuous dwellings are absolutely counter-productive, reinforce the old stories and narratives, and even become destructive; they also perpetuate these past behaviours, by replaying the old wounds and failures, through different people and situations. So stop – and restart. Play the possibility game: “What if it happens? What if it works out?” Such questions will open up potentials in your mind, thereby steering it away from negative thoughts.
THE ART OF JOY
Find joy and do it. This is the highest energy vibration. Know yourself and the things that make you happy, and set time to do them. Many people say, “I’ll be happy when I fall in love. I’ll be happy when I get that job. I’ll be happy when I pay off the debt. I’ll be happy when lockdown is over.” And we all know what happens afterwards; another “when” comes and they continue to postpone the “happiness”. Freedom is what we do with what is available to us now. This is where happiness is also found. Today is a dream come true of a far past yesterday. It doesn’t have to be extraordinary – but it’s all we have. Grace is found at the intersection where patience and gratitude meet; go there, stay there. Happiness is a habit. So if I am only “happy when”, then I’ll continue to only be “happy when”. There are always problems, that’s just life. But if we can somehow find a little smile despite it all, then there is always something good that has happened to us. Never underestimate the impact of a smile. Obviously we can’t always be happy and we shouldn’t suppress feelings – but we should try to keep a positive mindset whenever we can.
Be kind, generous and charitable – and you will live a purposeful life. Love others as fully and passionately as possible – and you will inevitably love yourself, also.
Sometimes people ask me how to find their purpose – well, how are you living your life? When was the last time you did something for someone, to help them, to make their day better? When was the last time you gave someone a heartfelt compliment or encouragement? No amount of yoga poses or social media posts would give you that peaceful soothing within, than if you realize you can live your life more intentionally; by treating others with kindness and empathy, to bringing soothing to someone’s day.
Expand on your happiness with love for yourself and others. Sometimes people wonder how they can have more self-love and this is what I’ll say: Love others as fully and as passionately as you can – and you will inevitably love yourself also. And it is love that gives rise to great joy within you!