“People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of being selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will soon win some false friends and some true enemies; succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; be honest anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; build anyway. If you find happiness, they may be jealous; be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget; do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough; give the world your best anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway.” ~ Mother Theresa
This is me. The one in the photo above. And I never know what to call myself when someone asks me. In what category should I put myself for the day? A writer. A humanitarian. An entrepreneur. An intuitive. A creator. A spiritualist. A mystic with great imagination. Perhaps a wanderer. Many call me a natural healer but that’s not up to me to define for myself. The girl with the Masters of Finance who then became a poetess. The one who lived across three continents and gets incredibly bored with small talk. The one who feeds the same squirrel almost every day. The one who loves deeply, wholebodily and wholeheartedly, and gives everything. The one who was a dancer performing on stage but was also, a straight “A” student winning math competitions. The one who rocked a Guns N’ Roses concert but also, loves going to the opera. The one who loves exploring caves with bats, while also, very much enjoys yachts in Italy.
Perhaps it was just my insatiable curiosity. So that I learn who I am. Only to learn that I am impossible to categorize, just like you. Only to realize that just because I wear a sweater, doesn’t mean that I am the sweater. Sweater meaning: job, degrees, name, opinions, mistakes, hobbies, talents, interests, relationships, etcetera.
Only to realize that I am not my body and I am not even my mind.
I’m not a 2D image, though this is how I might seem to some people. Just like you, my dear reader, I am a human being of depth and of multi-layered complexity; ever changing and evolving, as life moves through my body.
People want to put us into boxes all the time. “You are this, you are that.” No. How about getting to know us by asking us questions; by accepting the fact that we don’t know it all and that we will never fully know another human being, even if we’ve spent our lives together because we all constantly change? Judging, criticizing, shaming, blaming, comparing, projecting, objectifying, and projecting again and again … enough already.
Wild meets wise in her eyes and she doesn’t care what someone thinks of her; she knows her worth from all her experiences of life.
In my own life, I’ve come across many people who tried to put me in boxes and “accepted” me only if I fit their own boxes. And often times, I’d hear someone say, “Oh wow I had no idea you did that? You don’t look that way.” Beyond my face and dress, I hold years of experiences that are impossible for someone to ever know; all of which have given me wisdom because I chose to learn from them. Some of which were very challenging and even terrifying. But I guess I never wanted to win “the grand prize of victimhood” because there was no time for that. I had my life to focus on and my future that I was busy creating. We all have our own lives and it is impossible for anyone else to know everything about another; no one else has cried our tears, no one else has walked in our shoes, no one has created with our bare hands, so no one has the entitlement to make assumptions about us, nor the right to judge us, nor give us their unwanted opinions.
Do you know what I said to all those who made countless stupid assumptions about me, and judgments, and bullyings throughout my life (after of course feeling demoralized, soul-crushed and maybe shed a few too many tears)? I said fuck that. I will not be a mean person because someone was mean to me; I will not harm others who have harmed me; I will not abandon my values and virtues, because of others; because I will not change my heart and who I am. That’s the choices we make every day – and it is our decision who we choose to be, despite everything. And eventually, I also started using this to my advantage; turns out it’s pretty valuable when people underestimate you. I learned that if someone wants to judge my thoughts, ideas and knowledge, based on how I look or dress, then they are not my people anyway. I learned that how people treat us and what they see in us, is usually just a projection of themselves; that when they criticize us, it is just their own unintegrated sides that they criticize and haven’t accepted yet. More importantly though, I learned that I will continue to stay true to myself, just like I always have, despite the high price that this carries. And I just became very selective about the people in my life; my tolerance for bullshit was dramatically lowered; it’s almost non-existant.
Let me share with you my thoughts on the collective. People will use you to replay and relive their pains. There is a society of click baits, where people who lick toilets make millions of dollars while the innovative free thinkers who have something meaningful to share which will actually contribute don’t get any “likes”. People are at war with themselves and will battle themselves through you. Read that again. As a collective, we bless lies and crown hypocrisy and stupidity, just because it has a popular social media account or a high bank account. Most information out there is just recycled wisdom, which the recyclers themselves don’t follow. Actually, many are “so wise” nowadays; citing memes from famous philosophers, though completely unaware of the essence of what they are parroting. So many people judge everyone and project on everyone while they themselves throw tantrums when even the smallest thing happens in their perceived reality that doesn’t fit their biased delusional narrative. Anything you say will be used against you; and you will definitely trigger someone somewhere for reasons possibly beyond logical comprehension. Side note: Let’s remind ourselves that the only test to inner peace and how far we’ve come in spiritual advancement is when upheavals/changes happen in our lives or globally. And my favourite observation: people thinking that they are experts on a topic just because they watched a video on it. And you know what happens next, right? They take advantage of someone vulnerable, to relive and replay their own pains. Refer to the beginning of the paragraph.
If there is one thing that really pisses me off – it is ignorance. Because ignorance is a choice, which then becomes behavioural pattern, turns into plain stupidity and gloriously spreads around like a real virus. What’s the vaccine for that?
Intelligence is the ability to consider viewpoints that challenge our own narratives and ideas, in a calm manner. In fact, spiritual development is the expansion of our own perceptions – and the only way to expand our own perceptions is to consider viewpoints that challenge our own narratives and ideas, and move beyond the limitation of ourselves. And sometimes breaking the status quo means breaking the status quo of who we are; of our own boundaries. It is so rare for me to find people with whom I can actually sit down and have a mature conversation, discussing ideas in a respectful manner, even when we might not agree with each other. It’s about respect.
And what is “truth” anyway? Most are only able to hear someone’s truth as long as it fits their version of truth, and their own perception. If not, then do yourself a favour and just delete yourself because you are no longer needed. This is the cancel culture.
Here is a truth.
We can be as authentic as we want, but the issue is that if the environment doesn’t support our authenticity, so what? Our society has never truly supported authenticity. We’ve never truly been supported in making our choices based on our truth and heart.
So I wonder: How much is authenticity really worth? What price do we pay exactly for living a life of honesty, integrity and freedom of self? Are we willing to walk through life spiritually compromised? Are we willing to choose the courageous higher ground?
If we judge, then may we judge based on the individual’s unique character and humaneness, based on the totality of their merits, values and flaws. And we have to support individual dignity and worth.
It is natural human behaviour to want to categorize because this is how we make sense of this thing called “life” and soothe our minds that maybe we can understand “why and how”. We want to have more control and this gives us more control, because a box is easier to understand than risking the ambiguity of a complex ever-changing reality. Uncertainty is scary. Unknowingness is scary. And it is easier to love statues and images, than a human being; because a human being can hurt us, right? Maybe that’s why people find it easier to love God and be tamed in religious temples, rather than love and respect the very person beside them … In my opinion – God is found in the eyes of the person beside us, rather than looking us at the sky. Humans are imperfect, emotions are imperfect, but imperfection is worthy of love, Divine Love. In fact, this is what it means to love.
When we put ourselves and others in boxes and categories, we ultimately rob ourselves of the ability to grow. It’s the same thing when we put “relationships” in boxes too, such as soulmates, twinflames – because we rob ourselves of the experience of the relationship itself.
Have we seen social media lately or do you know about the censorships going on? I wonder: Are only those who plan to remain permanently unemployed allowed to truly express their freedom of speech?
It seems that even when we express the most banal opinions and often times, the most obvious facts, that if they are contrary to the expected narrative, we’ll be erased, deleted and negated as an individual. We’ll be put into a 2D box with a label, negating the entirety of our complex and multi-layered human character.
Are we creating an environment where even the most courageous and authentic of us,will ultimately step aside, and be forced into silence? What is freedom? How are we to remain in our heart’s truth, which obviously is unique to all of us, when we are not being given the environment to allow us to be in our truth and be peacefully accepted for who we are?
Nowadays it does seem like “truth” and followers are correlated; if you don’t have many followers or “social proof” then even when you state facts, they will not be accepted as facts. Actually, if you don’t have an online presence, you might not even exist anyway, because social media is the proof of your existence.
But I wonder: How much real valuable information do we miss when we judge someone’s validity based on popularity? How much do we limit our informational intake and intellectual development when we restrict and limit the sources, based on popularity? Do we realize how much wisdoms and different perspectives we can learn, thereby enriching our own selves, when we listen to and consider the lesser-known voices from alternative medias? Why is no one holding mainstream media accountable when they print false information? If the investigative journalist who exposed facts is in jail, is this just a warning to all others to keep their mouths shut unless the “facts” fit a comfortable narrative?
And sometimes, it is us that engineer ourselves into smallness; to fit into a small box, so that we make someone else feel better. Like that relationship or friendship in which you were in, where you constantly had to devalue or diminish yourself, so that you soothe your partner’s insecurities.
So, sometimes we take steps back, off our true heart’s path. But that’s okay. Regression and evolution can go together. Regressions are sometimes necessary, as chaos and order are of one. Decay is needed as eucalyptus seeds grow because of fire. And essentially the only purpose of the universe is to expand, so when you think that you’ve taken steps back in your life, or that you made mistakes, don’t worry about it, because there is no other way than forward, whether we are conscious of it or not, whether we want to or not, we are always going forward. And no matter how many twists and turns we make, we will never be denied what’s meant for us and we will never miss what belongs to us. But how we get there – it is our choice.
So, how much is authenticity worth?
Only a human life.
At least for me.
Because my voice is not for sale.
Neither is my heart.
The price of authenticity though, is very high. It often means that we’ll walk alone and that we will constantly be facing oppositions, labels, be discarted for speaking our voice, be forced to obey and become a brick in the wall for our safety, and all of that is aside from the fact that we will face our own resistances and fears, for being our true selves, in every step of the way.
Reclaiming our authenticity is hard. It usually begins with saying, “No”. Telling a man that you no longer want to be treated as less than what you deserve. Ending a relationship because you were not happy and you finally realized that choosing to be happy is not a crime. Admitting to yourself when you are making decisions based on guilt or fear, versus based on what you truly want. Admitting to yourself that you no longer want to work a career just to feel appreciated or validated by some old beliefs that you had. Admitting to yourself when you’ve just changed your future outlook or perspectives. Walking away from people who disrespect you, judge you, criticize you and mistreat you, even if that means you’ll be alone for a while. Removing yourself from toxic environments. Trusting yourself. And I think sometimes it takes many years until the day when our body starts physically rebelling and saying “No”. Because it’s hard to say it. I know all too well how it feels when the body starts screaming it. We can’t live in lies. Even if that means that our truth would require us to stay beside someone, in the pain we’ve just caused them, perhaps by saying “I don’t want to marry you.” Being true to ourselves is hard, challenging and absolutely needed. Because this is our life.
And then begins the search of remembering. Because the greatest adversary to reclaming our power is forgetfulness. Who was I? Who am I? We usually go through the leafy paths and the enchanted forest before remembering ourselves; and then we reclaim our power and we reclaim ourselves.
and I yearn for yarn to follow the braid,
searching the truth of the cloth that I made
And when you follow your path – it is much harder. There is the perpetual question mark of what will happen and all the uncertainties, insecurities, self-doubts and fears walk beside you. And delayed gratification along side demoralization walk beside you. It can be really soul crushing when you pour your heart, time and effort into something of your creation, but just because it doesn’t fit some mainstream narrative or instant visual stimulation, people may not appreciate it. And in every step of the way you have to remind yourself, why you are doing it.
my book “moonhold”
While we are expressions of God, we must also not forget our animal side. Animals are in tune with nature and carry their natural magic; their unmistakable scent. A rabbit, a fox, a leopard, a sparrow, are all unmistakably themselves. They are true to who they are and trust themselves enough to walk through the dark leafy paths, where their intuition will guide them. They know that they have all that they need as their skills and senses to guide them through life. And they engage in a connected way with winds, water, fire and air. Our natural magic is the innate magic of our true natural selves. And to embrace this magic is to accept our nature. As spirits of wild nature, we too must learn to follow the cycles of the land, and move with the natural rhythms.
Through the dark woods and leafy paths, the uncertainty is scary because we have to carve our own roads. And we look for something, not knowing why or what it even looks like. But when we can’t find something, it only means it isn’t yet lost.
and this earth will always bear your feet
and this wind will always hold your dream
for you are the beloved of the hithered hills and the animal speaks
for your kindness and love you are
moon water girl
We are the embodiment of natural wisdom and wild magic. And sometimes true power means the ability to do nothing; for there is a time for everything. Do we withhold ourselves from dancing? We constantly move and change, and what we once were may not be the same today; identities, likes, perspectives change too. And we have to learn to allow ourselves to be enough, without doing anything, without having anything, without labels or statuses or titles. And when we find people who can truly appreciate us for who we are, in our being, then these are the people to hold onto.
We are ever changing. We all have soul contracts, whether in relationships, work, etcetera. And when we have finished that soul agreement, it is time to graduate because we’ve done what we intended and wanted to do. If we stay beyond the due date, we will often start to feel sad, unmotivated or even depressed. This is our body telling us that it is time to move on to the next thing; to the next passion of our heart and soul. This is hard to do, of course, because we get attached to our way of life and it has become our identity; and often times we’ll even feel guilty for letting go of the thing we spent so much energy on; of the thing, which was our greatest pleasure. And we wonder, is it us? Why would we want to let go of something we loved so much and go into the woods once again; into the scary unknown? But we have to follow our heart and listen to our body. Our feelings do guide us if we listen to them. And it is okay to change what we’ve done, it is okay to become something else. We have to remember that we are not abandoning a part of us, or a previous devotion; we are still the same, our love is still the same, but we are only starting to walk a new way and write a new story.
And here is something that I’ve learned from my own experiences: we will always experience the same level of happiness and passion that we’ve always felt, regardless of the person or job or money, because it is ultimately ours, and nothing ours can be taken away. When the script is the same, it is only the actors that change. So, once I thought that I’d never meet another man who was passionate and romantic. But I did, many many more. But it wasn’t because they were passionate and romantic – in fact, none of them really was that way prior to meeting me. It was all because I was the one who is passionate and romantic. I still am even by myself. And I can’t possibly experience anything other than that, even if I tried. That goes for my not-so-great qualities as well, unless I change my script by self-development. So if you’ve ever felt something that now you miss, just remember that it is a part of you and you can (and will) undoubtedly feel it again. Just remember to remember yourself. Sometimes it is hidden under Cinderella’s ash or donkeyskins, but it is still there within you, and nothing and no one can ever take away what is truly yours.
I am a time traveler woman; gathering all my parts throughout my life and experiences, around the fire to tell their stories. I wear mask of skins; old woman gone, walks long at time’s fold, new woman come, in waiting form I’ll dance, through the ancient skin face.
So what can we do when we change; when we become time travelers?
We should make room beside our own hard learned experiences, to allow for our younger selves to share with us their newborn insights. And as anything newborn, they will be vulnerable and thus, need our protection until they grow strong feet to walk in confidence. We’ll be enriched by this interaction. We should make time and make plenty of it, so that generous hands hold one another again and share their surprising wisdoms and new ways. We’ll be amazed by this. We will make truth as beyond the dented and conditioned versions of what is real, new simple honesties will be found waiting to be restored and created anew. We will recognize the heart in this, and will remember to keep the chilling weather and the hungry wolves away, for strong protection is needed while the new vision is still vulnerable, and still dreams.
It is natural that in all of us there is a battle between who we truly are, and who we should be. It is self-awareness that allows us to be more conscious of this, and make our own choices.
Authenticity is a marriage between self-awareness and moral integrity, to align with our values and true self. It is a long road to reach authenticity, a leafy path of obstacles, tests and going around in enchanted circles. But it is not a destination or something that once reached, it is accomplished and framed on the wall as a diploma; authenticity is the way that we walk throughout our entire lives.
In our modern society, where we are so obsessed with public image, it is hard to come across people who are truly themselves and walk the beat of their own heart. And what often happens, is that we can’t know who we are until we find out who we are not.
The five elements of authenticity are: acceptance, integrity, courage, forgiveness, and self-reflection. The more aware we are of all our angles and layers, the more humility we have towards others too. Think of a lake. A lake is still because it is aware, and in that awareness, there are all the feelings and all the seeings. Sometimes, the greatest actions are in the non-actions. This is why Shamans will tell you: True power has the ability to do nothing.
It’s about remembering wholeness rather than entanglement in selectiveness. For example: To be hopeful during hard times is not just foolishly romantic, but it is bravely realistic, because we are acknowledging and accepting the fact that our past has also been painted by compassion, courage, love, and kindness – not just hurt, cruelty, and disappointment. What we choose to emphasize from our complex history (whether individual or the collective of humanity itself) is what will determine our actions, lives and future ahead. If we remember only the bad, this paralyzes us and we get stuck in hopelessness and fear, and destroy our capacity to take action. If we however, have the courage to remember it all, along with the incredible, and at times even miraculous moments, this gives us the energy to create and be better human beings.
When we accept ourselves fully, we are then also able to have the capacity within us to hold space for others, and accept them also; and we become less critical towards ourselves, and we become less critical of others too. Often what triggers us in others, and what we judge harshly in others, is just a part of us that we are rejecting or not consciously accepting yet. When we integrate our parts, we come into peace; we realize that it is okay to fail, to make mistakes, to have insecurities, to have flaws, etcetera. We realize that despite all these, they were just step stones along the way, and they don’t define us.
Authenticity also demands us to live by our own value system, which of course can change depending on our perspectives and what we learn throughout life. But it is our values and heart’s intentions that guide us along the way. The authentic person does not get swayed by others and doesn’t do things, which are not aligned with their morals. When we are in a group of people who talk behind other’s backs, if this is not something aligned with our values, then we will walk away from this toxicity. Even if that means inspiring the anger or gossiping of others, we stand strong to our beliefs.
Authenticity demands a great deal of courage; because in a world that does everything possible to force us into being something else, we choose each day to be ourselves. This is a hard task. And it is even more courageous to have the strength to truly look into ourselves, to discover who we are, and to face things within us that may make us uncomfortable. And this is where forgiveness comes in. We need to be able to forgive ourselves and let go of all the self-inflicted blames, shames and critiques. We can’t delve and re-traumatize ourselves; we can’t carry the world’s responsibility on our shoulders; we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves. We are only human. And it’s okay. Not everything is our fault. And on the other hand, some things are our responsibility and we should hold ourselves accountable if we hurt someone. The most important thing thought is, reflect, forgive and let it go.
Don’t let others’ opinions and limitations and even bullying, change your decisions and desires. Don’t compromise on your heart’s values and on who you truly are. We are all unique and no one can know what’s best for us, except us. No one has cried our tears along the way, no one can walk our path – so do true for you. This is your life and only you will experience your life. Time is our most precious gift because it’s the only thing that’s truly limited. And we can’t waste it living by others. This will only cause us pain. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done things to soothe someone else. I don’t regret it because like I said, authenticity is not a destination, it’s a life’s road. And we learn who we are, by realizing who we don’t want to be.
All of us are like little islands, unique and lush, and all we can do is take care of our land, nurture it, and build bridges towards the other islands, accepting their natural beauty, also. But if parasites come through the bridges, remove the bridge.
Authenticity and our dignity around it, must be protected. Because there are far too many people who like to diminish these by judging and criticizing. People destroy what’s unknown to them because it makes them uncomfortable and their psyche considers the unknown as a threat to its own survival. And when there are people who are untrue to themselves, who live in lies, whose own kindness is a stranger or worse yet, non-existent, they will destroy these virtues in others. Our tenderness is not meant to be shared with those who don’t deserve it.
Allow life to move through you and mold you into what you were always meant to be, and already are beneath the shroud of your skin. Even if it is completely different from what you envisioned.
We have to allow ourselves the freedom to change; that it is okay to no longer be who we were or who we thought we should be. Because we are not furniture. And in our being is our meaning.
Your greatest muse is you.
In a world that has a great chance of AI controlling our mindsets and perceptions sooner than we think, we need to remember, “What makes us human? What makes us unique? What makes us independent thinkers?” This is not about right or wrong, but about keeping an open mind and questioning things. It is about remembering who we are and having our foundations deep in our core. Don’t allow yourself to be a software machine. Don’t be afraid to question your own ideas and let go of old beliefs, looking beyond the boundaries of your own understanding. And then anything that sits in a box will look powerless and the walls will fade away.
We’ve been numbed and dumbed for years and put ourselves in boxes – to self identify with genders, race, sexuality, clothes, money, status, music, career; to categorize ourselves thereby limiting our own potential as infinite creative souls. Words are spells and what spells are we weaving? We were shamed for intuitive abilities and free thinking, and separated with technology and destruction of family values. And we stayed in these bubbles of limited understanding and categorization. And we are bombarded by fear mentality because this is what keeps us limited.
There is an old saying that freedom is not for everybody because most people don’t know what to do with it. And they don’t even want it. They say they do but they don’t. Because real freedom means having to make decisions and being accountable. Accountability is a tough cookie because it has consequences. And this is the reason for all crap in our modern world – lack of accountability. This is the reason for broken relationships. This is the reason for conflicts.
All problems in life are because we are not settled into our truth and authenticity. Scarcity mindsets, self-sabotage, inability to love or belief that we are “not good enough”, imbalanced emotions, projecting on others … all of these are because we are not aligned with who we are – we are just swayed by everything around us including other people, opinions and conditioned belief systems rather than being rooted within our true self.
The greatest gift in settling into our inner truth and knowing who we truly are, is that we finally realize “what’s us and what’s not us” when it comes to feelings and emotions; we no longer compare ourselves to others because we understand we are all on our own paths, and we come into our own inner peace and satisfaction; we trust our own process and are no longer swayed like leafs in the wind.
One easy way to check in with ourselves is to ask, “Am I doing this out of fear of what would happen if I didn’t do it? Am I as a result building foundation on fear or love?” It is okay to feel fear and fear can teach us many things; in fact, it is often a compass and a guide, if we learn how to work with it and really hear what it is telling us. But – we should not make decisions out of fear.
The truth is that people will relive and replay their pains and wounds through us. They will judge and project, and sure, we all do that to some extend, but when someone starts telling you how to live your own life, let it be your cue to step away from them. There is a lot of cultural conditioning as well, implying that we are never good enough unless we are fitting some expected narrative. Be mindful of that. Like I already said, unfortunately we don’t live in a world that supports making our choices based on our inner truth and heart.
I do believe that we are moving into a time of emotional and spiritual maturity, which demands authenticity. No longer would people be able to hide behind fake faces and selfish intentions. No longer will people be able to play their internal games of misusing others. When someone feels that they don’t resonate with another on a deeper level, they will walk away. When someone feels that they are not respected, appreciated and can’t vibrate on the same level, they will walk away. Everyone will be seen for what and who they are. Because that’s just how it is. Nothing inhumane can be sustained for too long.
Now, I am a writer writing all this, but as soon as I am finished, I will no longer be a writer as an identity; and it’d be time to focus on my being, by engaging with my senses to observe or just experience myself, in a body, in the present moment.
In our being is the meaning.
So, here I am. Uncategorized. I can’t be put in a box. Because I have way too many angles and layers. You can call me whatever makes you feel better. I have many flaws and fears and worries and imperfections; but I know that I am currently in human form and I am very humane. And most importantly, I don’t know how to be anything other than myself. I think that’s accomplishment enough.
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you like something else is your greatest accomplishment.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
That’s a quote I know the true essence of. And if you’ve read this far, I know you know its essence too. True heart, I welcome you.
In love + faith
If you value what I do, you can support me by sharing my articles and poems, buy my book or donate some magic coins in my hat on Paypal. By supporting me, you allow me the freedom and ability to be even more creative and contribute with more. All proceeds go towards expanding my work made of love, including writing my second book, my humanitarian projects and creating content including courses and holistic programs.
Your support means so much to me! Thank you wholeheartedly!