He creates space for her and invites her in, offering stability, protection and nourishment in his tree roots. She surrenders some of her independence and slips her gentle foot beneath his root. But he doesn’t bind her. And she stays not because she must, but because she wants to.
Our bodies. Our beautiful, blessed bodies; the perfect dance of union between soul and flesh, born solely of our love. We are all spiritual beings having a human experience. This implies that we are not here to become spiritual but to remember we already are, and access that spiritual wisdom to bring it into our human connections and relationships.
Consciousness is comprised of blending the feminine with the masculine energy, yin and yang, receptive and initiative. Each one of us carries both within us, regardless of our gender. Masculine energy, symbolized by yang, daytime, fire and the upward triangle, is the go-getter; generous, giving, courageous, strong, loyal, providing, initiative and protective. Feminine energy, symbolized by yin, nighttime, water and the downward triangle, is receptive, inward, creative, gentle, empathetic, compassionate, introspective, patient, healing and nurturing. Together, they come to merge and conceive, in a sacred union; a lover’s dance. This is our universe.
We can also see this in the chakras. The root chakra carries more masculine energy, which is why the male’s genital organ is outward, where as the yoni (vagina) is inward. On the other hand, the sacral chakra is more feminine, carrying the energy of creativity, fertility, sensuality and emotions, and this is why female tummies are usually more rounded than men’s. Since energy flows downward, any time a woman doesn’t feel secure or safe or provided for (issues of the root chakra), she draws energy from the sacral; which leads to less creativity, fertility, emotional imbalance and overall decrease of feminine energy. A simple trick for women is to always have some cash or savings around the house, so that this gives them some sense of stability. And please, walk away from anyone who makes you feel unsafe, unseen, disrespected, etcetera.
Thoughts are electric while emotions are magnetic, which means that we project based on our thoughts and we draw in based on our emotions. In fact, the heart carries the strongest electro-magnetic energy, and so it is our feelings that will always overpower all else. This is a key point to manifestation; that when the two are not in alignment, the results will be a bit off. Since the heart chakra is largely comprised of feminine energy, we also see that the most important part of manifestation is our divine feminine energy. We see this concept portrayed in the mythical story of Shiva and Parvati, where it was through the feminine realizing that the two energies were already “one”, within and without, leading to both of them finally recognizing each other in human bodies.
When masculine energy is unhealthy, overused or unbalanced (as it often is in our world), people become critical, judgemental, angry, controlling, dominating, irrational, abusive, materially obsessed, unaffectionate and emotionally cold. The way to balance out the masculine energy is to expand our divine feminine energy, and vice versa. Because they are always connected; because they are of one wholeness. But let’s expand and apply this to relationships.
The Song of Alchemy.
The alchemical union of fire and water symbolizes integration; the unification of opposites. This is the binding process of love; the melting of contradictions and transforming two into one, to merge and give birth to a new state of being.
The lovers represent the two opposites, which yearn for and are immensely attracted to one another. This duality is reflected in every aspect of existence and is existentially experienced in our human relationships. Every attempt to merge with another is an expression of the passionate urge to re-establish the oneness from which we all came from.
If we want to dig into the psychology, each partner in a relationship mirrors the emotional, mental and spiritual condition of the other.
In other words, our partner usually mirrors the undeveloped and yet unconscious aspects of ourselves; what we feel is missing within us, we’ll see in the other. To integrate our aspects, we need to be willing to fall completely into love; into all dimensions of joy, bliss, pain, struggle and the abyss of uncertainty, necessary for growth. And in turn, every time when we are no longer on the same vibrational match, we will no longer resonate with each other and we’ll separate. And that’s okay.
Salvador Dali, Temperance | Alchemy
The sailor, the water and the boat.
Masculine energy is concerned with Consciousness while the feminine is mainly concerned with Love (The Unconscious). The masculine practice is to be able to reach deep stillness, awareness and penetrative power over the present moment; which is done by providing leadership, direction, stability, safety, protection, emotional maturity and wisdom. This is the King energy.
The feminine practice is to be able to reach deep surrender, intuition and fully trust the flow of the continuous, invisible, infinite present moment; which is done by providing nourishment, emotion, feeling, aliveness, grace and tenderness. This is the Queen energy.
This is why many people say: The man is the sailor, the woman is the weather and the relationship is the boat. The boat can’t get anywhere without the harmonious dance of both.
We can have amazing leadership, but without the emotion and devotion, the relationship will get stuck. Eventually, someone will tire and leave or disconnect and resent.
On the other hand, we can have all the nurturing and feeling, but without a direction and initiative, the relationship will just become overwhelming and confusing or not even get off the ground. There will be plenty of love and passion, yes, but without the safety to move forward, the outcome will be the same: leave or disconnect.
A beautiful balance comes when a man is able to enhance the she presence of Love, by deeply commiting to his deep consciousness (i.e. intentional direction), and a woman is able to inspire the he presence through her deep commitment to fully surrendered Love.
This means that a healthy masculine partner would be able to provide safety, security, stability and trust in his leadership through life. This creates the space for his partner to share more of her love, tenderness and openness. And a healthy feminine partner would allow another to feel seen, nurtured and understood, which would invite him to step into his direction, protection and conscious leadership.
However – all of this implies that both are in that healthy mature vibration.
A man who has trouble leading his own life, providing, caring and being accountable to those around him, taking responsibility for his own emotions – is still in his little boy energy. This manifests as fear from intimacy, disconnection, emotional immaturity, irresponsibility, resentment, revenge, anger issues, controlling issues and etcetera, especially towards the feminine energy. In a way, he actually distrusts the masculine energy and denies himself of its higher expression. It all starts from childhood and his own relationship with his mother (or another significant female figure), and so every relationship becomes a repeated cycle of some child-mother unhealthy dynamic or even worse, an unconscious intent to revenge his mother through others.
A woman who has trouble letting go, trusting, feeling, loving, emotionally opening and just surrendering to love and intimacy, is in her unhealthy energy. This is usually because she grew up with an overbearing mother or a father who was unreliable or controlling. She grows up distrusting the feminine energy because of her parent’s weaknesses – and starts wearing the pants in relationships, repressing herself further or allowing another person to suppress her by making her feel unseen, unheard, etcetera. She can become either too aggressive or just attract toxic, unreliable, weak or abusive men.
No need to get all Freudian in this article, but some simple questions to ask if needed, are:
Do I trust women to love me or am I afraid of being used, controlled, caged and hurt?
Do I trust men to lead me or am I afraid of being misled, misused, abandoned and hurt?
Salvador Dali, The Lovers
The King, Queen and Kingdom.
A woman doesn’t need saving – but she needs to feel safe with her chosen one. A queen wants a warrior who will become her king — the one who will stand by her and protect their home. The one who will defend her name and honour, even when she cannot hear him. The one who is loyal and ready to build a kingdom instead of running around masking his insecurities. The one who expresses his love and emotions. The one who has proven worthy of her, opening the gates to her heart – with his bravery, strength, stability, security, integrity, encouragement and caregiving.
A king is emotionally mature. He doesn’t play games and he knows that sometimes he’ll feel weak, he’ll feel afraid, he’ll feel worried. But that’s okay – because that’s just life and he’ll deal with it maturely – not deny it, not avoid it, not suppress it, not project it, not say “all is good” but deal with it in a healthy manner and resolve it. A king has conquered his dragon and integrated him into his Self. A man needs to feel respected, loved, needed, appreciated and seen – and this is what a woman in her higher manifestation will provide him with.
With the king by her side, he will become the protector and the roof of the kingdom that they build together — and the queen by his side will become the walls holding and nourishing the space in which a family of love will be born — one built on intimacy and deep stable long-lasting connection.
Like I wrote about in Relationship Dynamics: Archetypes of Knights, Damsels, Kings and Queens, knights saving damsels is a needed phase as both of them are building their strength in their own way. But after that, they need to develop and they need to transition into the next phase — becoming king and queen. Yet we are rarely taught how to do that in childhood.
Indigenous Story: Development, Growth and Change.
In some Arctic Indigenous tribes, girls and boys go through specific ceremonies, symbolizing the transitioning from one phase to the next.
Girls become women at their menstruation and as such, they need a sense of being accepted into womanhood. There is a celebration performed at that time where the older women gather and take the girl into their embrace; guiding her into the creative power of feminine energy, intuition and ancient wisdom. They guide her into accepting her immense power, trust her intuitive gifts and hold the space for the beauty and responsibility that comes with that.
A native woman once told me a story of what they do for their boys, so that they are encouraged and taught how to move into the role of provider. Whenever the father and the elders decide that the son is now capable of providing (i.e. he can hunt, survive and provide for a family), they send him into the wilderness to test his skills. The father tells his wife, “It’s time to let him go,” give the boy all that he needs, and all three go into a canoe, heading into the forest to let him go. The mother watches her boy leave, and is scared and sad – and this is then her husband’s job to comfort her, care for her lovingly and assure her; her husband is there for her as her stable rock. Eventually the boy comes back from his adventures, and is absolutely fine – and will be fine always, because his father made sure that his son was ready and had all that he needed to survive. What we see in this story is the importance of the man providing his wife with the assurance, comfort and care, so that she calms down and accepts the transition. She trusted her husband’s direction because he had earned her trust with the actions throughout his life.
Feminine energy, emotional intelligence and intuition are immense gifts and abilities that need to be celebrated and yet – they are suppressed and shamed. There is an over-emphasis on the masculine and yet, when one is suppressed – the other will be overused and imbalanced – because they are of one. This leads to unhealthy manifestations of both. Even modern day (neo)feminism has become a suppression of feminine energy; it’s anti-feminism.
Despite the efforts to unite, society has only divided itself further into new categories, genres and groups; thereby creating even more separation. And when we define something, we ultimately rob ourselves of the potential experience with anything else that is beyond our defined boundaries. Ultimately, we limit our own growth and expansion.
Meanwhile, there’s a society of people who have become incredibly angry, aggressive and emotionally imbalanced; all this stemming from inner pain when people are forced to be something against their very nature.
We are all forced to become something we are not. We, as women, are forced to deny our true femininity and overcompensate by becoming rigid and aggressive – just so that we lose our true power, which lies in our beautiful female hearts – our nurturing, intuition, creativity and manifestation ability. We are forced to do it all by ourselves especially when men are not taking responsibility for their emotional energetic fields.
Throughout humanity we’ve been suppressed, repressed and abused – and now, we are starting to self-destruct. Women have been shamed and numbed for their intuition, sensitivity, creativity, natural healing and life force sexual energy. We’ve been numbed and dumbed; so that we suppress our true power – anything from cosmetics, objectification, propaganda, “medicine” are just ways to push us out of alignment and to be aggressive rather than own our natural flow of energy. Even contraception and deodorant are filled with harmful substances, which have been proven to numb the women’s senses and cause hormonal imbalances. And in general, most people have become so detached from their feelings, sensitivities, compassion and gentleness, that they are starving on the inside; which results in harming others or just using others to replay their own wounds. There is poverty of souls, as many have fallen victims into the mass propaganda of humanlessness, perversion, obsessive materialism, dog eat dog mentality, brutality, separation, inauthenticity, supression and just plain inhumanity. We must become humanists.
Any person, who is being forced to live against the natural flow of their energy is essentially denied a part of their individuality, integrity and worthiness.
It’s a natural thing; we need each other as the eternal dance of longing between soul and flesh. Having a real man by our side is just a perfect complement to our feminine expression. It is natural merging between two energies – the masculine and the feminine. How beautiful to have a strong brave man by our side who can provide, care, encourage, stabilize and protect us – and then, our sacral chakra expands and we become even more creative because we feel that safety and masculine strength – because we just get to feel like our true selves – we get to be gentle and loving and cuddly in their arms. A man in his true power knows how to create such a space for is partner, so that she then blossoms in her creativity, nurturing, gentleness and receptivity.
Feminine energy in its essence is receptive and so, it draws in to itself. Masculine is the go-getter. This is also usually the problem of communication between the two energies: when she speaks, the feminine says what “she doesn’t want,” which to the man may seem negative because when speaking, he focuses on what “he wants.”
But this is how it’s supposed to be. The only thing wrong is that we are the ones who need to understand how energies work and respect the natural flow of life.
Today, many masculine “gurus” are coming in and saying “focus on what you want and go get it.” But for the feminine energy, this is perversion of its purity because it is about drawing in and receiving all that she already possesses within herself. And so, many people have a hard time “attracting” and receiving, because we’ve become out of balance. Many of us women also have a hard time saying “no” because of the feminine imbalance, too.
It is extremely stressful when a woman has to live like a man, and vice versa. Not only are we beginning to harm our root and sacral chakras, which then suppresses our creative flow, but it starts to manifests physically on our health, also.
Salvador Dali, The Meditative Rose
I am hiding in a rose.
We need to stand strong in our feminine energy and learn to respect it. While it may seem like we are doing nothing, it takes a lot of work. Many ancients know this: a woman’s energetic field acts as an absorber and trasmuter for the entire family, as she receives the energy of everyone around her, and then cleanses it on the inside. This is why Shamans will tell you: True power has the ability to do nothing.
There is an eternal dance, the dance of lovers, ever intertwined, ever together, merging and repulsing and merging again. This is life. This is love. Commit to love, within and without. Because love, true love, is a sense of being; always moving within us, even when our feet and hands aren’t. This natural flow of energy demands respect, attention, and only when we honour it, would we be able to dance better.
Love is the song of alchemy; opposing forces of water and fire perfectly align together. And somehow it always makes sense, as this sacred union, as we, become the sweetest elixir of everlasting life.
May we have the trusting arms, worthy enough to fall into; surrendered fully to love.
May we slip our gentle foot beneath the root of his loving, stable, nourishing tree; may we stay not because we’re bound and must, but because we want to.
In trust + faith,
Cover Art by Liz Huston.
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